LIKE what does he want?!?

I don’t even think he remembers what he initially planned to do

...that's why he wrote it down but I think a lot of things happened that weren't according to plan. Plus remembering a painful memory is different from acting it out and I think acting out the past is making him relive all the trauma which is making him crazy. Not sure where the story is going but I'm glad Dohyun is not giving in or giving up - he's got that fighting spirit!