Lots of uneasy feelings with the first pair

...as an Asian kid, i have come to accept the fact that my family will never accept me being part of the LGBT community, and that i’ll have to keep mum about it forever. also, Japan is one of the slowest to come to accept the LGBT+ community, although there’s change that’s being seen now (civil partnership between ppl of the same sex is legal now, i think?) so, yes, it’s kinda. better and easier being a lying sack of shit to our parents than it is to come out and face dire consequences.

Look. I don’t know if you’re gay or not, but if you are and you’re parents accept you, then you are blessed with something a lot of people don’t have. Do you know conversion therapy is still legal in most countries, and if you’re a minor your parents can make you go, because you have no rights as a minor. And from what I’ve heard about this therapy, it is absolutely horrific, and many people who take part in it commit suicide before they finish. And even if you don’t get sent to conversion therapy, there’s alway the chance you’ll be ostracized by your family, which is a terrible thought. It’s a terrible feeling being hated by your family. Not all families are accepting, and honestly being a “lying sack of shit” is better than coming out in a lot of cases. Not to mention, Japan is a country that doesn’t really accept the LGBT community as much a places like America, so the risk of being hated and ostracized by your family is probably much higher.

And if you aren’t gay, and never had to come out to your family, don’t talk about things you don’t know anything about.

I'm sorry that my comment made you feel that you were seen as a "bad" person in my view. I should not have put it that way and I am sincerely sorry that I did. It's not your fault that you can't come out and be honest. That fault lies in a society that refuses to accept you because of a ridiculous and ancient idea that humans are only happy and successful if they multiply like rabbits and the social punishment it imposes on those that don't fit the "hetero mold". The way I wrote it, in retrospect, sounds like I think closeted people are horrible liars. I don't feel that way. My ire is not with the children who hide from their parents, it's with the parents who can't accept the children they are meant to love, support and protect. Being forced to lie to someone you love is torture. How can a parent inflict that kind of pain on their children? Perhaps it is because I am a parent and I have always respected my children's views, even when we didn't agree, that I'm hard on other parents. Parents need to listen to their children too, not just lecture and order them about. They don't have to agree or even approve of their children's choices, but when parents don't listen, the children stop talking. Your parents are supposed to be the people you trust the most. When you can't trust them enough to tell them things honestly, for me, that is failing as a parent.

Please, I hope you can forgive me for using words that made my thoughts and feelings unclear. I truly never meant to make anyone feel that they were to be blamed or at fault for having to hide themselves. I am genuinely and sincerely sorry.

I really fucked up in my wording in this comment. I never meant to sound like I blamed those who remain in the closet for their situation. In fact, it's the exact opposite. My anger is at those in society and those parents who create a situation where their children are forced to lie and hide. I hope you, too, can forgive me for using words that made my thoughts and feelings unclear. If you could read my reply to @erhe_wahrheit, I hope my real feelings are made more clear.

Hey dude, It’s okay. Happens to the best of us!

Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I really feel bad about this. I know what I was thinking, but what I wrote was just... yeah, I fucked up.

first of all - thank you for taking the time to apologize and explain your views. i am glad that there are parents like you who listen to and love their children. i, too, am hoping that one day i can be homest with my parents and my family without the fear of punishment, and that one day, our society as a whole accepts that people who are different feel what they’re used to are not bad people. there really isn’t anything to fogrive, and i really appreciate your efforts in communicating.

I should be thanking you, for your kindness and understanding and for the opportunity to clarify my rather screwed up statements. If you and Ben had not responded, I'd have never noticed what an arrogant and insensitive prick I'd made myself look like! So, thanks. Really.

Please forgive my selfishness in what I'm about to say, but I know things aren't easy for you. So, if you ever need and ear to listen, I'd be honoured to hear you out. I can't promise that I have any answers, but sometimes the answers come to us simply by getting our thoughts and feelings out into words. If I can help in that way, I'd like to.

Thank you again for your kindness and understanding. It has been my privilege to have met you.

What? They were saying exactly what you said in this comment... You just repeated what they said in a bitchy tone. The "sack of shit" joke was clearly that, a joke.

I am sincerely and genuinely grateful for your defense of my comment and I truly appreciate that you grasped the spirit in which it was made. However, even I, as the person who wrote it, recognize that my wording was poor and it made it seem as though I felt that those who are forced to lie and hide are the ones at fault. That was never my intention. I omitted one very crucial word in the whole of my original comment... "have" to lie and hide. This one small word changes everything. It is the difference between choosing to lie and being forced to. I doubt anyone would choose to lie to those they hold most dear about something as important as their sexuality if they were not forced to do so. I hope this explanation and those given above in this thread have clarified my true intentions and views and I sincerely hope that I still warrant your defense of my comment. Thank you, again.

To everyone who commented here and to those reading it all for the first time: I have revised my comment and added notes in the hope of clarifying my views from the start. I take pride in the fact that I put my name to the things I write and take full responsibility when I am wrong. Unless explaining myself takes more words than are contained in the Bible, I will not delete a comment. I would rather be taken to task by fellow readers, apologize and clarify, if possible. I am truly grateful to those who commented here for giving me the opportunity to do just that. Even though I go back and immediately proofread what I write, sometimes, the context or content sounds good in my head, but later it is obvious how misleading or poorly conveyed my thoughts actually were. Thank you all for calling attention to my error and allowing me to clarify. You all were incredibly kind and understanding and I am sincerely grateful for your guidance. I wish all of you all the best.

I was defending Ehre, Ben's comment was in response to Ehre.

If you look, Ben mentioned "sack of shit", wording Ehre used.

Ben’s comment was to the original post, not Ehre. Ben can see how you made that mistake, the way the comments are formatted on here can be confusing. Anyway, the original post used the words “sack of shit” too, which is where ehre and Ben got it from. And Ben didn’t mean to sound “bitchy” in their comment, and is sorry if it came off that way. Good day!

Okay, since you apologized. ლ(´ڡ`ლ)

Asian and I've seen a lot of people who doesn't come out even when they've been with the same person for more than 5 years already (they're not obvious in social media platforms ofc). And eugh I agree on the seme part skkdkajs when is he planning to discuss it to the uke about it wtf. I love the uke for going through great lengths for their relationship to survive, and I'm waiting for the seme to do it too (ya he's done a lot of sacrifices and his situation isn't convenient for their relationship but hopefully he'd do a lot to the uke for the years too come) (▰˘◡˘▰)