That sounds extremly one-sided to me. "Wanted to snag a good step-dad for my baby" sounds fucked up. When you enter a relationship its should be 100%. If you want him to be loyal to you then you have to be loyal in return and witholding him of sex is like pushing him into the arms of another woman. In regards of love im the same. Dont fall easily but when i do its 100%. Gotta remember that the relationships with your partner is important, its supposed to last even when the child has left home.
Short hand expression. I Thought my post had gotten pretty long without going into more detail about how I wanted to find the kind of guy who would give my daughter a father figure who was like my brother in law, who for all intents and purposes became my nieces dad. My dad was a train wreck and so I wanted more for my kid. I wouldn’t get with a guy just bc I thought he’d make a good dad but I was only willing to consider guys who seems like they’d love and care for my child like their own. But I had no emotional energy to put towards building a relationship and I was feeling ambivalent about sex so I gave up. Also I had lot of parents growing up. My dad was my older sister’s step dad but my mom left him when I was an infant. In the years between 4-6 I had two more parental figures as my mom remarried but came out as gay when I was. So my step dad got a gf bc he wanted to stay with my mom bc she was his great love (but he still wanted sex and intimacy.) . Except his gf was my moms great love so it all ended badly. But for awhile i has 3 parents in one house. And my 40 yr old dad had just married an 18 year old so I got a step mom as well. Then there was Ruth who lasted through most of elementary school to about 8th grade. Then Carolyn who came in between 8th & 9th grade. She lasted till I was about 21.. Kelly was around for about 8 years. Moms been single since and I don’t know about my dad bc I’ve only spoken to him once since I was 15. All of that experience has given me this feeling that love doesn’t last, at least for one party. Having ppl come into my life as a parent then then one day they’re gone and they’re no longer my parent devestated me. I was terrified of doing that to my kid. I wish parents with kids would realize that their kids aren’t the ones that broke up. I feel like a conversation should be had that if you break up, no matter how acrimonious, the kids with have visitation with the step parent. So “snagging a step dad” was shorthand for a lot.
that,,, i hope you're happy right now and if you aren't,, i hope you find your happiness
Sadly I'm the same, with trying to please the guy I love in anyway, but mostly emotionally. And I fall in love pretty quickly aswell, which doesn't help :/ I always put their needs before mine, which leads to me losing confidence, being dependant on them, and then always breaking my heart in the end with 0 care because they expect you to just accept it like always lol.
I really hope you and your child can live happily and that your choice of remaining celibate helps you! You've been through a lot, and I'm sure you're a great parent. (▰˘◡˘▰)
.....to be all hot and heavy for him so he’ll feel secure about his feelings. I was totally the same. I’d do just about anything to make my boyfriend as turned on as possible. I just always felt this desperate desire to make him overwhelmed with desire for me. So I let him do just about anything with me (except fisting-that was my line) and I worked really hard to get good at all the things that made him hot. I’d always had that tendency with guys but when I fell in love it just grew. I don’t fall in love easily but once I do I’m crazy in love and want by bf to feel similar. Sex always felt like the way to bind them. But once I had a baby, I slowly developed the idea that defiling my body that was now a mother’s body, felt grosser and grosser. Plus we’d broken up and I felt he was getting sex without giving anything I really wanted back, so I quit sleeping with him. Even though I tried with a few guys, it just didn’t work. I thought I should snag a good step dad for my baby but I just lost all interest and it felt wrong. Eventually it got to the point I couldn’t even read straight romance bc it was uncomfortable even reading about fictional women in sexual situations. And that’s how I became celibate.