-still didn’t hurt worse then having my baby get stuck coming out while I had back labor. I planned a natural birth but apparently after an hour in transition when the dr rec’d a c section I screamed “get it the fck out of me.” You know during labor you ass can kind of turn inside out? I filmed my sister’s labor and there’s a photo where her butthole looks amazing. I was six months pregnant at the time so
It scared the shit out of me.
I.... You're a brave soldier my dear, ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
You are now the leader of all of us
How are you alive? Share some immortality tips
How am I alive? Good question, really just dumb luck. I’ve been kidnapped, had a knife pointed at me by a jealous lover and used ride on top of cars going way to fast while way to drunk. Straight laced kids who did everything right died around me but my dumb, drunk ass just persevered. But I think my luck would have run out eventually so I credit getting knocked up unexpectedly as what most likely saved me from dying young. My kid changed my life. Apparently what I was missing was the most adorable baby to ever be birthed into this world. Just ridiculous cuteness. But srsly I just needed something more important then my neurotic inward thinking. Something I had to not fck up. Since then I’ve seen the friends I partied with get hooked on heroin, go to jail and die. In a short time frame. I’m not perfect,not by a long shot, but my kid is awesome. She’s sweet, funny and even though she’s my little Eeyore she’s just fcking amazing. I can’t believe I’m doing such a good job. I mean my kid is really amazing.
Birth was incredibly painful but it did give me the most amazing creature to ever grace the planet. Also my birth got fcked up. I had a Dr disregard my wishes and do two things that took a birth that was going gang busters and drag it to a halt. Apparently my dr was on call till 12am and I got there at 11:42 which meant she had to attend my birth. She broke my water before my baby had turned into position which caused back labor which is not what you want bc it’s a million times more painful. 2nd she gave me a drug to cause me to go from 0-60 contraction wise. My sister is a birth expert, was the president of a birth advocacy group and later VP for a midwife advocacy group and we knew breaking the water is a terrible idea except in certain cases. The drug should only be used to situations like where you need to be induced and when you’ve been laboring for awhile and contractions have slowed or stopped. Putting them together was a perfect storm to cause a birth to go wrong. I wanted a natural birth and ended up with a c-section here they cut my baby’s face. I’ve seen beautiful births that I’m srsly jealous of bc this was my one shot. My body doesn’t react well to pregnancy hormones and I can’t have another one. My sister loves giving birth so much she considered being a surrogate. Unfortunately her body doesn’t react well either and almost died during the birth of her 3rd child. If you don’t want kids I totally respect that. Not every chick wants to be a mother. But if you do want a baby don’t let the pain stop you. I chose a natural birth but epidurals are fcking amazing. You don’t feel shit from your waist down. My c section was done with only an epidural and I felt nothing.
... this is stretch. (Pun intended.) Although when I fell down some stairs (don’t drink while wearing heels and climb dark stairs) I ended up needing back surgery. The pain was, intense. They put me on some good stuff but it gave me the most god awful constipation I’d ever experienced. I was dealing with the horrific pain of having my back cut open, part of my spine removed and then the removal of an entire disc, so I wasn’t really paying attn to the fact I hadn’t pooped in a week. When I finally had to go the stomach pain was incredible and the act of going was terrifying. I thought I was being ripped in half. I thought my butt would be permanently damaged. It hurt worse then when my jackass boyfriend tried to “surprise” fist me. Which led to me poring blood out my twat and had me thinking I’d have to go to the ER and tell them my vagina was just torn asunder by my asshole boyfriend. After going my butt bled and I was worried it would be wrecked. It healed up. I also sent my bf out for some Metamucil and senna.