I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I hope you can find some help and begin to heal.
I have been where you are. I rarely left my house for about two years. Even within my house I only left my bedroom to eat and use the bathroom. Pushing past it it truly the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, but if you can do it it's worth it. I know it's hard, but I really encourage you to try your best to get out a little, and practice self care. Also most important is not beating yourself up if you can't do it. Everyone moves at their own pace and it's okay if it takes some time. For me, a lot of why I self harmed was because I hated myself so much I felt like I needed to be punished. I had to learn how to forgive myself, and tell myself that it's okay to not be okay. Mental illness is a liar, and the things it says about you are not true.
im the same <3
I feel so close to these characters. I prefer to stay inside because of my mental health and because I’m anti social ( I’m forced out). I’m depressed all the time I’m struggling w/ self harm and I’m suicidal. It makes me feel less alienated reading manga with suicidal characters.