Hyunjin's haters

Now you are just being passive aggressive with your comments of Ms. 100% sure backed up by science. Where did I say it was 100%. Of course, it is not 100% sure for anything in this world. I am not bringing drama I was just stating facts. Is bringing up facts in a converstaion so wrong? And how is that bringing drama? I never forced you to tell me about your past relationship, you did that on your own. Yes, your relationship you were able to get passed that toxicity but how often does that work for every relationship. Do you expect that from every relationship and for it to always work out that way? More times then not the relationship ends up falling apart and then you are left with two hurt people.. yes we are both right but you still don't seem to grasp my original point.

My original point is how long are you willing to wait until you've had enough? I had a friend who stayed in a relationship for 15 to 16 years with a partner when she should have left a long time ago but tried to work it out a d fix it just like you. She ended up drained and fed up with the situation. And she still ended up breaking up with him and is now is almost in her 40s with no kids because she hoped her partner would change but didn't and she didn't want to bring kids into that situation. But now she has to go out to date all over again. Did waiting help her and her partner? Did her change after all those years? No. He is still the same.

Now you are just being passive aggressive with your comment of Ms. 100% sure backed by science. Where did I say it was 100% anything. Of course, nothing is 100% in this world. And how am I bringing drama by just stating facts? Is stating facts so wrong? And also I never forced you to do anything. You brought up your relationship on your own but how often does what hapoene for your relationship happen for others? Do you expect the same thing for every relationship? Do you expect everyone to wait for their partner for years? Yes we are both right but mkre often then not with waiting those people nore times than not still break up and then you are left with two hurt peopel. And you still seem not to grasp my original point.

My original point is how long are you willing to wait before you get fed up? One of my good friends stayed with her partner for 15 to 16 years because just like you she tried to stay hoping her partner would change. Eventually she got fed up and left when she should have left long ago. She is now almost in her 40s, still single and with no kids because she hoped that her partner would change and did not want to bring kids into that situation. Did waiting help her a d her partner? Did her partner change after all those years? No. He is still very much the same.

Lmao. Can you read? I'm talking about POSSIBILITY. That's when the word "CHOICE" comes in. People can choose to stay, people can choose to leave. If the partner wants to stay, then let them be (like what me and Jungyeon did). If the partner wants to leave, then good for them (like what you are implying in which I agree but you misunderstood everything). I didn't say that everyone will be just like my relationship. You are stating a fact but so am I. That's why I said that we are both correct. I keep on agreeing with you so I don't understand why you keep on proving me something I already understand.

I got your original point actually. That waiting is not the key for a relationship to get better. But it's not our choice to judge the choice of the one in the relationship whether he or she should stay. I am not saying that everyone should wait. But you're technically saying that everyone should not (backread and you'll see that it's the implication of your statements). I agreed with you already so I don't know why you keep on barking that this is not that and this is what should be.

Your example actually proved both of our points and not only yours. That it's the choice of the individual whether she or he will stay without any guarantee that his or her partner will change. There's no guarantee because some do change and some don't. May partner changed and hers didn't.

And this is a question that I honestly want you to answer without you getting butthurt. What do you want to prove further since I already acknowledge and agreed to almost everything? Do I also need to agree with your implication that nobody should wait? Please tell me honestly without answering me with a reverse question so that we can stop this and have a conclusion finally.

"My original point is how long are you willing to wait before you get fed up?"

I'm going to answer this personally so this is just my perception for myself and not for anyone else. It honestly depends on the situation. I still loved her that time so I waited, and I didn't know how long. I honestly didn't know why I didn't get fed up but maybe I'm just that patient.

If an individual wants to leave and decided not to wait even a little bit, then they all have the right to as well. I AGREE with you that it's the better choice. But I don't agree that it should be the only choice since for you, nobody should wait. No people should dictate what the individual should do.

Also, I think we can both agree that if a couple with a toxic relationship goes to a psychologist, the psychologist wouldn't be telling the victim, "How long are you willing to wait before you get fed up? You're already together for XX years but s/he still hasn't change." It's because there's actually a lot of factors to be considered and not just the waiting time. One google search and it will actually lead you to a lot of psychologists' statements on why a toxic relationship can still be fixed (not that they're campaigning it, they're just saying that it's still possible).

I can agree with your points but any of my comments did I say that I would not wait? I never said that. I more along the lines said that if a person has been with a person for a number of years already, let's say 4 to 5 years, then I am not waiting another 4 or 5 years hoping for the possibility for you to change. Because before you k ow it your life will have passed before your eyes waiti g on someone more than neccesary and then still nothing comes ojt of it. When instead you could have left and have built a meaningful and happy relationship elsewhere.

And of course, psychologists don't straight out tell the persons to leave a toxic relationship because the person is so used to how things are they do not really see a problem with what others see as toxic. And if they do see it they are too used to it and they usually first want to see what they can do to help improve the situation for the persons involved. If the psychologists straight up just says things like leave then they are not really psychologists. They are trained for these situations and how to talk to people in these situations so that no one gets hurt. Especially the ones trying to leave (or not leave). Because also in a lot of situations people trying to leave these situauons are sometimes end up in a lot of danger and could cause the situation to escalate.

Yes. But I will repeat it again, it won't be your choice but some people will. If they decided to stay then their partners didn't change, then that's on them. It's their life after all and it's not our obligation to meddle. I do agree that all of those years of waiting that they couldve have a better life instead of waiting. But what if them waiting is actually worth it? What if their partners did change after they waited for so long? We really cannot see the future so instead of judging a certain situation and putting a period to it without knowing what may happen, I guess we should just let them decide for their own and not judge them since they're already going through some problems. You see, I agree with you actually. I just don't want to remove all the possibilities and don't want to remove the partners' rights to have their choice. But if you will still insist that it is still impossible and that waiting should not be an option, then dk anymore. I still think that it's the person's choice, not ours. We can just come to a conclusion that you will never agree with me and that I agree with you in some ways and finally stop this discussion.

"...they first usually want to see what they can do to help improve the situations for the persons involved."
Yes, exactly. You chose the right words. They first see if the situations can still be improved and not put a judgment to the situation by only considering the time factor. Because not all toxic relationships' solution is to leave. Sometimes, it can still be worked out.

I do see your point and do agree to a certain degree. I never straight out disagreed with everything you said. And again, like I said three or four comments ago, it is not my place to tell what other should or should not do or judge them. I clearly said that. I did say this being a fictional work allows us to have an opinion and discuss about the situations going on in the story.

And I never in any of my comments did I say waiting was never an option and that Hyunjin would never change. I simply said if they have been together so long already why stay longer and waste your life away for a possibility that may or may not happen. Because in the end, if bothing comes out of it like so many relationships like this, the person who waited in vain will be the one really suffers i the end. Of course, there can be many possibilities but I am rational and logical person and if I have waited long enough I don't see the point of waiting any longer. Again, this is for me alone and I never implied that others should follow my example. But just from seeing and reading so many other people's accounts about how they waited and ended up regretting their decisions to stay in the hopes that their partner wod change, I have come to the conclusion for myself that it is not worth it.