*i cant help but think of Chang, wether its positive or negative* Seriously this author......

Well. As someone who can 100% understand Ed, I can only say, yes, you really have mixed feelings in the beginning. It's confusing, yeah, still it's like that.

I think you've misunderstood something. Ed does not have any mixed feeling TOWARDS Cheng. He had mixed feelings about other stuff, but one thing for sure, he despises Cheng (Understandably so).
Yeah but I do agree with you, on that 'making the rapist an emotionally constipated person, thus have the excuse to rape' thing. I absolutely DO NOT LIKE the author treats the rapists (McQueen included).

Nevermind. You right. Ed does have conflicted feeling towards Chang.

It's just what rape does to you. You feel conflicted.

For my own mental sanity, because this manwha is not helping it, I would like to think that Ed has "mixed feelings" about Chang not because he loves him (I HOPE), but because Chang used to be his friend back then. I think some part of him still longs to talk to Chang because he was such an important person for him in the past, but the money issue and then him raping Ed has left him with more negative feelings than the positive ones he used to have.

Like I get it. It's difficult to let a friend go, specially a toxic one who has the ways of crawling back into your life, but let's stop romanticising rape oh my god.

Ed spent years on that debt. He lost years of his youth doing nothing but trying to get money.

And all these years, Chang treated Ed like shit.

So right from the start of the story, it was already over the top(for me) to see Ed having mixed feelings towards Chang.

And even after being raped, he still has mixed feelings. Not to mention, Chang(right after the rape) telling McQueen(while leaning on Ed) : oh yea we had such a great time together.

This has nothing to do with the author trying to make it real. It’s just the author trying to make Chang look less terrible.

I’m still mad that the author dared to include *the worst in this(rape) is that it feels good*.
Like i said before, of course it can physically feels good. But i thought Ed was at a point where his hatred would be enough that his focus wouldn’t be on that physical pleasure.
... he even got wounded to the point he couldn’t resist anymore..........

But seems like the author preferred for Ed to never totally hate Chang, still thinks of him(as if he wished Chang could be part of his life, but it just can’t happen anymore) and that his worst memory of the rape, is it felt good (and that he is ashamed of that).

Believe me, I completely agree with you. I'm just trying to justify the author's words because I somehow have to finish this manwha because I hate leaving things half done but I. I cannot cope with Chang's character. The story started quite well and it has become progressively more and more toxic and over the top with every issue.

Same i cant leave a story unfinished. But i did skip like 10 chapters when i saw the spoilers. (They made me lose interest and i was able to skip some chapters but i wanted to see how it would end. Kind of disappointed but im glad skipped chapters xD)

I did that too! Not because of the spoilers, actually I was lucky. I opened the last updated chapter by mistake instead of the last chapter I had read and I managed to skip all of the rape part, up until Glenn and Chang have a physical fight. I was SO glad, I cannot even read about those scenes in a novel, imagine seeing one :'D

Still, I managed to get the general idea, which is that Chang is a piece of shit as far as things go lol

Me too. I already know all of these facts, and hate it with passion. But can't leave things midway. So gotta read and have the tiniest faith. And I wish I was lucky like you guys and could've skipped those chapters.

Aw D: Good luck, you can skip some of the worst parts and still get the important info with a quick reading, don't worry. You still have the anti Chang club here giving you strength!!

Preach