What did Jeanette thought of by 'bad thoughts'? What the hell did she remember?

she remembered when she asked athanasia "what would you do if we were sisters?" and at that time athy was really shocked and jeanette was disappointed cause she expected her to be happy and excited. bad thoughts would mean like negative feelings or doubts about becoming a family with athy and claude. she doesnt wanna feel discouraged about finally reuniting with them

Ahh I see, thank you for answering