The other mystery... what did she write in that letter? Since it made him sit on his butt for three years, nurturing a grudge against his golddigger-wife.
of course she did.... she had been told about her husbands 'affair' ... she had been 'primed'. It was not instant... she had been fed 'lies', and he had behaved not great to her (being secretive, the gifts for someone he would not acknowledge to her... lots of things.... ) Seeing the pregnant woman was "the last straw" after a long line of little things... not the first/only thing.... btw... the novel shows him as even worse to her ;p...
I'm with you on this, but if your going to leave someone and end a marriage, spell it out - "I saw you with your mistress, Asina. I know, that's why..." Reasons for divorce shouldn't be given through innuendo. You say the novel builds a worse case against him. Is she just as sketchy with her reasons in the book? Then again, I guess she'd have to be. There is such a straight forward explanation here that there'd be no way to keep the 'misunderstanding' going if she was straight forward in her accusations (as long as she believed him, I guess). Not sure I'd enjoy the novel.
I disagree with you. No offence (to each his/her own) but I didn't see him do anything to misbehave.
When you get married you have a obligation to stay with that person as long as you both live. When you say those words your supposed to mean it. Not just in fair weather, but when things LOOK bad as well. If your not ready for that kind of commitment you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.
The reality could have easily been found out if she wanted to... all she had to do was ask him. People lie sometimes, sure, but she didn't wait for an answer to see if he would lie. Instead, she drew her own conclusions and left with a chip on her shoulder for 3 years.
Trust is essential in a marriage and she would rather trust what her vindictive mother in law says, than her own husband. She also said that she knew from the beginning that her mother in law hated her and didn't want her with him. She knew this but she still trusted the mother in law over her husband.
Why did it never tell me you replied? *SHRUG* Actually we are in agreement. That was my point when I was saying she needed to spell it out rather than make innuendos. And asking him WOULD have been even better, but since she chose (irresponsibly, stupidly) to do it in a letter, she still needed to be clear as to why she was ending a commitment intended 'till death do us part'. And Real life has shown that even an affair need not end it. Those who sought to reconcile rather than divorce and have persevered through such a trial often say their marriage is the stronger for it. We are on the same page.
Haha - silly me, you didn't reply to me. That's what I get for not paying attention. Ah, well. Good to know there are others who also feel it is "till death do us part," and not "so long as our love shall last."
you are right, agree with you, a real mystery, me too I wonder, why he didn't seek for her?
But the thing is though, love doesn't just go away, or ends like the time in an hourglass. Love can be killed by the other person. I'll tell you it bothers me when people say things like "Not loving the person anymore is not reason enough to divorce" but when someone says that they mean "I
But the thing is though, love doesn't just go away, or ends like the time in an hourglass. Love can be killed by the other person. I'll tell you it bothers me when people say things like "Not loving the person anymore is not reason enough to divorce" but when someone says that sort of phrase they often mean "I was there every day,doing my best but this person slowly turned my affection into bitterness" true there are superfluous people who divorce because they got bored or they found someone more handsome or with more money but there' speople who genuinely feel their love was murdered or that they ended up in a one sided relationship with unrequited love as the other person no longer feels love for them.
You are right it doesn't end, and with effort, even the bitterness can be turned around. I read a story about a woman wanting a divorce because her husband didn't love her any more. Her lawyer said, 'Don't serve the papers yet. Go home. Be a good wife for 1 more month. Love him, fix his favorite foods, spend time with him, get him to lower his guard so that when we serve him, he'll be in shock. We can get a bigger settlement that way.'
So that is what the wife did, wined him. dined him, loved him, got him to start going on dates again, and when the month was up, the lawyer said, 'Here's the papers. Hit him tonight and we'll file in the morning.'
The wife said, 'Are you kidding? I'm more in love with him now than ever. The time we have been spending together has just made me realize he wasn't the only one neglecting our relationship. Now that we've repaired it, I'll never let him go!"
It's just love takes effort.
That's a lovely story. Of course it takes effort. But realistically it often happens that it doesn't work out and people fall out of love. That's why true love is so precious and rare. My point was every case it's differrent. I honestly don't believe in the whole concept of being a martyr for love, it ignores the fact that people need to love themselves too, and if you make a person suffer constantly even to the point that they get sick you can't expect them to stick around and should let them move on, at that point if you try to keep them around it's not love, it's possessiveness or selfishness. Like the story of a woman who was married to an abusive man, she bore him a daughter, did everything for him but he hit her all the time, and even made her have a miscarriage. Not only that he was offensive to his own daughter even tried to take his grandson from her. He was machista and old fashioned and thought men had more value than women. One day she left him and even after finding himself alone and helpless with the house chores and other things he still cursed her and spoke horribly to her. After she became stronger, got better self esteem and even dressed better he tried to woo her again. But she was too hurt and she turned him down.
I also often think about Itazura Na kiss.I mean it's a great story and I like the MC determination, but she spent 10 years loving the MC guy with him merely yanking her by a chain. He is never clear about his feelings and she spends so much time depressed. She even ends up with appendicitis. All in all I'm convinced he shortened her lifespan, simply because he couldn't be clear about his feelings and kept insulting her and broke her heart a few times. Even got engaged to another woman. I understand his view because they do show his struggle and I know it might not have been his intention to make her suffer but as the law says "ignorance of the law does not make you any less guilty". I also don't accept people making others suffer because they are suffering themselves. Love is supposed to be noble, it is saying " I'm going through a lot but this person is important to me so I'm going to be kind to them no matter how I feel ". In fact if everyone did that they'd receive happiness from the other person
I hear you, although, realistically, people going through hard times very often have a hard time seeing beyond the boundaries of their own issues to see the other person is hurting, not necessarily because they don't care, but just because they are so overwhelmed. Those who can see and care for others despite their own troubles are rare and precious. One of the manga's I treasure for letting us see this kind of gift is http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/itsuka_no_tsuki_de_aimashou/ , but this is a short term relationship. In a long term relationship such as you describe above, I agree that she endured too much. Even with issues, over the years, one would hope that if a person saw the pain they caused and if they really cared enough, they would desire to change... hopefully find a way to change... but that is ideally. Sadly, this world is not ideal. We are a contrary, mixed up people who often have no clue how to deal with our contrariness, even if we recognize it and want to change... and many don't even recognize it.
As to 'True Love', I am one that thinks that True Love is another ideal. I think that if one is so blessed as to find such a deep love as that, then that it is only a start, but it is not immune to the foibles of our imperfections. I think that once the two come together, it is a foundation, but unless both put in the effort to strengthen it, to build on it, to very intentionally shore it up against the trials of life, that it will be as susceptible to failure as any other over time and potentially cause even greater pain.
You are right. It is complex and we are complex beings, that's why I said I understand the struggle of that character. Sometimes trying to love others in our own way we just end up hurting them, I know that and it can't always be avoided. I always try to be as gentle as possible though, although sometimes people who look out for others feelings end up hurt, which takes back to the martyr idea. I think it's important to simply find balance. Anyway, the story doesn't always go one way or the other black and white are often just colors. it's nice to find other people with similar ideas though.
Organizing my lists, and came across another I love - this one RE: overcoming a tragety and learning to live again: http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/tomorrow/. The secret? You already know it - care about someone else more than yourself.
wow that story sounds deep, the previous one too. I've actually added them both to my want-to-read list, but I gotta prepare myself emotionally before I read either of them.
Let me know what you think. They really touched my heart.
It was a lovely story. People can indeed find happiness in loving and helping someone else inspite of feeling pain themselves. It also goes to show that sometimes we can't help hurting those we love because we are blinded by our own feelings or don't even know how to feel. It reminds me of Clannad
Haven't read that on. Only Clannad I am familiar with is a Irish singing group - :). I will have to look for it.
Today I was watching a soap opera and remembered this conversation for something a guy said to a girl who had been dying to get married but had a few fall outs "You were infatuated with those men but you didn't love any them because loving means trying to understand that other person and their feelings." And this is what I meant when I mentioned true love. To me true love is not like in the fairy tales where it is all fine and dandy and we see only one person's perspective, it's not something that arrives and makes your life happy right away. True love is as the guy said, caring for the other person and considering their feelings desires and dreams. That's why it is so rare because not many people are able to do this patiently or are willing to put aside their own feelings and needs for a second to recognize the other person's. Sadly many people are unable to get their feelings across also
Wow, so she saw him with a pregnant women and instantly thought he cheated on her, left him and comes back after 3 years for a divorce....not very bright is she...?