I think what he meant by he'd wanted to kill them before they were born was because he didn't want them to live the life he knew they'd have? Like, he's the emperor, he knew full well what other nobles would think of the "impure" noble children, but he also knew Rurahel was a lil bitch, and that she wouldn't be an... ideal mother, to say the least. Also, he clearly wouldn't want to copulate with a woman like that, so of course he wouldn't want those kids that came from a literal demon. But now that they're alive, I think he feels guilty knowing those kids have done nothing wrong and yet they had to experience such terrible lives because of him, and now that they're older he sees killing them as wrong, since they aren't at fault for anything and it's their mother who's the bad one. At least, it's probably that way if he's actually a decent human being. If not, then he can just go to fucking hell, but maybe he's just a guy who's done something bad and is feeling guilty, wishing he'd killed them before they had the opportunity to experience such a difficult life? I hope that's the case so I don't have to climb through my screen and strangle him to death...
I think what he meant by he'd wanted to kill them before they were born was because he didn't want them to live the life he knew they'd have? Like, he's the emperor, he knew full well what other nobles would think of the "impure" noble children, but he also knew Rurahel was a lil bitch, and that she wouldn't be an... ideal mother, to say the least. Also, he clearly wouldn't want to copulate with a woman like that, so of course he wouldn't want those kids that came from a literal demon. But now that they're alive, I think he feels guilty knowing those kids have done nothing wrong and yet they had to experience such terrible lives because of him, and now that they're older he sees killing them as wrong, since they aren't at fault for anything and it's their mother who's the bad one. At least, it's probably that way if he's actually a decent human being. If not, then he can just go to fucking hell, but maybe he's just a guy who's done something bad and is feeling guilty, wishing he'd killed them before they had the opportunity to experience such a difficult life? I hope that's the case so I don't have to climb through my screen and strangle him to death...