I guess the reason people able to fangirling Riftan even though he is such a dick, because...

i thought the same

Uhm, I've read and re-read the novel for a couple of times but I never saw or perceived his words as verbal abuse? Can you cite some instances so I can reread it again? (=・ω・=) I've always thought he has a rough way of speaking but never saw it as abuse since he doesn't insult, mock or degrage her.

Same, I have been reading and re-reading it as well, but I can’t call it verbal abuse tbh. Maybe I missed it. But for me, There is no way, shape or form has he ever degraded or insulted max. I am not tryna defend him or make it seem that he’s pure and pristine, because his character wasn’t made like that. He’s definitely made to be real rough with his speakin and all. Even has trouble expressing himself. And tbh it fits his story, because Riftan is not accustomed to treating other people gently. He was always surrounded by men, and not only that, men soldiers. And he wasn’t raised as a noble man who has this perfect manners and all. And note this, he was away for a very long time because of war/battle. And the thing is, they misunderstood each other. Because Riftan doesn’t know Max’ story and vice versa. That’s why, there will be misunderstandings on both sides. And I think Riftan expresses dismay or hurt too because of that. And that happens because of Max’s father tbh.

Are you an angel or something? you read the novel, but still think it's not verbal abuse, just rough way of speaking? For me, only after 30 chapter his foul mouth got a bit better. Don't give me misunderstanding excuse', he doesn't know her, yet jumping into conclusion because of his prejudice and inferiority and say whatever he want without regard of Max feelings, he doesn't even give Max a chance to explain herself.

Hi sorry, I hope you are/won’t get mad and offended, that is not what I intended. Uhm, I hope this will not turn into an argument and more on like a discussion, again sorry. So, I would like to express my side.

First, for the misunderstanding excuse. I didn’t want it to come out or reach you as an excuse. Again, I am not defending him and make him out as if he didn’t make a mistake, because obviously his character is very imperfect and has many holes that makes want to throw hands at him too. Again my bad that I wasn’t able to convey properly what I want to, I just wanted to say that there will naturally be a misunderstanding because of the current state they are in, it’s just that, no more no less. It isn’t meant to serve as an excuse for Riftan’s bad characteristic but rather stating the obvious, the obvious that they didn’t know anything about each other deeply as a person. For example, the part wherein Riftan thought Max didn’t want to go to Riftan’s territory and she’s giving his soldier’s a hard time, it was because of Max’s Father not her, that’s why it caused a misunderstanding. Another one, Riftan thought that Max liked this and that (all of the noble things) because she is used to that, which is wrong because she wasn’t raised that way. In Max’s side, she thought that all of Riftan’s actions was just a product of following the things that couples woul do and etc. And of course, because of those, Max will get hurt, sad, and mad on Riftan, which is not invalid, of course it is, her feelings are valid. My point is, I wasn’t defending him, I was stating that there will of course be many misunderstandings because there relationship wasn't built on a foundation where they know even just a little about each other. I didn’t mean it to be a one sided thing, it was meant that Max will misunderstand Riftan and Riftan will misunderstand Max.


Second, I agree that Riftan does say whatever he wants, whenever he wants. And, I, myself find it annoying too. I do feel he could do so much much better, but improvements shows different or varies from people. And I did say that it was the cause of being not raised of not being a noble man with perfect manners, the cause of being surrounded by male soldiers and being away for war for a very long time. I did say that and that is the truth. Our environment affects, our ways, maybe to some it doesn’t affect them that much but to others it does. It isn’t to defend him again, it is obvious. We studied a lot of human behaviour, and we discussed this too. How it’s natural for humans to adapt the ways of others especially if they are with them for a long time. That is why we get or inherit a lot of things such as habits or interests from our family or friends because we’re with them for a very long time. And in this case, for Riftan, it is the soldiers and no one else, and they were in a very bad environment as the battlefield. The soldiers are acting out too, because they know what they experience. It is not Max’s fault, yes, but again the misunderstanding thing comes into picture. Again, Riftan did really badly and poorly at this part, and your emotions on that is valid.


Third, I put this last. The verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is two words that is very big. I, myself, have experienced this for a long time and I know what it felt firsthand, and what it is like(and I’m not tryna gain sympathy or pity cos I’m not all bout that, I’m just sayin I’m familiar of it). I’m sure a lot of people did experience it, and our experiences varies. It’s just that verbal abuse or verbal harassment is more of like threatening, yelling, cursing, insulting, and degrading the other person. Which in this case, it is not applicable, because not once did Riftan did this to Max. I’m telling you now that i can’t find the exact right words to describe Riftan’s way of communication and all that. But, really rough, really careless, and really insensitive is really the most fitting that I can say. Rough, obviously his mouth has no break and what he wants to say, he says, regardless of the other person. Which insensitivity comes in too, clearly he is very insensitive that’s why there are words that confuses max and clear disappoints her or scare or hurt her, which is wrong of course. All of it is wrong. Careless because he doesn’t choose his words and all. Again all is wrong and very annoying. Clearly he’s not an ideal person. But, my point and what I want to say, it is not verbal harassment or abuse. As we can see, there is no way shape or form that he is harassing or abusing max with his words. Again, I am not defending him, but please don’t get confused on what you label people.


Lastly, I may or may not have miss some points, I want to say. And maybe it will rub you wrong again. But please don’t misunderstand me, that I’m tryna counter you of some sort.

Nah, I'm not offended or being sarcastic. When I read the novel, no one commented about how hot he is blah blah blah, people talking about how verbally abusive he is. I remember some lawmaker in my country said, verbal abuse is very subjective, if it hurts the other person than it was verbal abuse regardless the intention or reason.

t h v n d r ༄ s t v r m really made a whole essay huh. Hahaha. I also mean no harm, well uhm, for me I just don't want to casually label him as a verbal abuser because that's quite a strong accusation. If we're going by what you're saying that "it's very subjective, if it hurts the other person then it was verbal abuse regardless of the intention or reason." then Max should be the one saying or thinking it's verbal abuse right? Since it's subjective as you've said. But she never really thought that Riftan is verbally abusive, she never thought that Riftan is hurting her, she always thought she's cared for when it comes to Riftan. I do think he is insensitive, careless, and blunt but not verbally abusive. It's just that I feel like that's a little bit of a reach if we're saying that his words are abusive if it hurts Maxi just because of her own insecurities and misunderstandings that she chooses not to clear. If his words are still considered as verbal abuse just because of those then everyone in this novel should be considered as verbally abusive right? Since everybody "hurts the other person regardless of the intention or reason" even Maxi to Riftan, since he is hurt because of Maxi's words that hit his insecurities (which is just the same for Maxi). I'm not sure if I'm getting it across, but I'm just saying that your definition of verbal abuse is so broad that even a simple thing such as Riftan saying "I will give you fancier dresses just like in castle Croix" then Maxi will get hurt because she's insecure and guilty because that's not true that she has fancy dresses, or when Riftan says "My castle looks like a barn compared to yours" then Maxi doesn't deny it entirely then it hurts Riftan then you'll consider it as verbal abuse, if that's really your definition of verbal abuse, "if it merely hurts the other party" then it's verbal abuse. Your sense of "verbal abuse" is too broad that everything anyone says will be and can be considered as abuse and you'll mislabel a lot of people--- maybe even everyone since everyone unintentionally hurts other people but that doesn't mean they're verbally abusive. What if I tell you I'm hurt by your comment, then you're an abuser too? Do you see what I'm trying to say? I just think "verbal abuser" isn't the right label, and it's a reach for you to call him that. If I'm wrong, I don't know, I guess I'm just insensitive with it too or whatever. ╮(￣▽￣)╭