Idk but I suddenly had the urge to read this again, but I’d definitely recommend it. It so full of emotion and seeing your long response I knew I wasn’t the only one thinking that. And about the Ryan thing from my research I remember reading somewhere that he was a drug addict and was not in the right state of mind and basically felt that it was rape rather than a porno and was effected by it a lot as we could tell.
Oh so it was the effect of the drug and his emotions that made him call McQueen a rapist?? I was really worried that McQueen did actually rape him in the past
Yes that, and also in the past he would also use drugs so when he was playing his role in the film he wasn’t in his right state of mind and I think probably McQueen knew that and didn’t do anything (you could obviously tell whether someone is in their right state of mind). That why Ryan was was calling him a rapist. You get it?
I also wondered about that. Thanks for the explanation! ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
Now the only thing I don't understand completely is why Ed felt used which resulted in that big breakup fight. And McQueen didn't deny it. Since I didn't get the feeling that McQueen used Ed intentionally I even wondered something important got lost in the translation process... (￣∇￣")
from my understanding, it's because mcqueen profited from ed's tapes. he used it twice, once the first time (which was consented by ed himself) and the second time when he reused it for a movie (which i think ed didn't really liked, besides, he already quit when that happened. i guess he felt as though mcqueen used him for that matter and the only reason why he didn't say know is because he needed money). also, i think he also felt offended when mcqueen even paid ed money he earned from the movie he made with reused tapes of ed (which is also the tape where he and mcqueen first had sex)
for ed, that experience probably was something else. especially since he confessed his love for mcqueen. but to him, it felt like mcqueen was just using "their first time" to gain profit because they had great chemistry in it.
ed was also expecting mcqueen to probably stop him from doing those things, from having sex with another man aka filming with other porn actors, but instead mcqueen even offered him more without larger amount of payment knowing ed wouldn't be able to say no to it because he badly needs the money.
i quess you could say ed felt as if mcqueen took advantage of ed's situation, his dire need for money, to get ed deeper into the porn industry (or for him to continue working with mcquren, im not sure). but im pretty sure that wasn't mcqueen's intention, it's just how ed felt and he was totally valid for feeling like that, imo.
sorry for the lengthy explanation!! i hope this clears up, though im pretty sure my words are clumsy too
the typos omg im sorry my head is still light from crying djaksosk
don't worry about the typos it happens(≧∀≦) I'm used to waaay worse (￣∇￣")
your explanation was exactly what I needed to clear up what confused me. You were on point tysm! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
I’ve seen walk on water everywhere but I always pushed it off and I originally thought it’d be a cliche ceo and office worker thing since I never bothered to read the summary so I was really surprised when I realized it was a porn industry manhwa but I still thought it’d be a cliche “oh they fucked for work and now they fell in love” type thing but goddamn this was good. I didn’t expect them to add religious trauma and the concept of internalized homophobia so from time to time those would make me emotional. And the part (in the beginning) where Ed was talking about how despite the shitty things Chang did to him he’d probably forgive him if he just did another small act of kindness really resonated w me bc I’m the type to feel so angry and mad and wish the worst on a person who did me wrong but the moment I see them again and they do the smallest act of kindness it makes me want to forget about all of the fucked up shit they did. Also the thing w Youyu, i know he’s never said it but it seemed to me that Youyu was in love with Ed and was probably gay and that’s how he found those videos of him. The last scene with them together and how he apologized when it was Chang who decided to snoop on his laptop and how he felt like it was his fault and he was crying really made me feel for him for some reason, maybe bc of the innocence of his love maybe?? Idk if that’s the right wording but it seemed that way to me.
Also a question about McQueen. That documentary he did about the rapist, the one where he acted as a rapist and Ryan acted with him. I’m confused about that whole thing, like what McQueen did. Did he romanticize/sexualize rape in the documentary? Is that the reason why Ed asked how far he was willing to go for porn bc he made something as disgusting as rape into profit? Also what did that have to do with Ryan? And why did Ryan call McQueen a rapist, did McQueen actually rape him during that filming or was it him just talking about McQueen’s career?