Errant Belle's Topics (548)

I laughed the whole time reading it. It was like boku no pico on steroids.

lololol ikr?! nothing but porn without plot

Honestly I like porn without plot at some times but this one was so confusing and I’m just like okay I didn’t come here to try to draw a mind map of everything that’s happening

Like Rio level better

See this particular situation didn't strike me as abuse. Yes he's the seme, so traditionally the stronger one, but in this situation its the uke with the experience and who leads. The seme is not used to relationships, is shy, and has a harder time, so in reality he's the vulnerable one. Its the uke who's leading the relationship. So what happened is that the emotionally vulnerable one got his feelings hurt, got upset, and wasn't emotionally experienced or mature enough to deal with it, and lashed out. Now if it was a girl who got her feelings hurt, and lashed out, and hit the boyfriend, you wouldn't really think much of it, other than to say she's immature maybe. He doesn't want to control every move the uke makes, I know they say he does, but he doesn't. He's insecure about THIS particular issue, possibly cause he feels guilty for not meeting the ukes needs as far as being super affectionate. So I interpreted it as a combination of guilt, insecurity, and he lashed out. And I'm sorry I've done that, and you feel horrible, but...people aren't perfect...and you grow from mistakes like that.
So in this situation I didn't feel like it was abusive. Now there are manga that are glorified abusive relationships. But I didn't feel like this one was.

If someone slaps you across the face...
THAT IS ABUSE!
You can try to rationalize it all you want, but if your partner strikes you, particularly with the intent of "putting you in your place" or "teaching you a lesson", you are in an abusive relationship and the only healthy thing to do is get out and stay out.

Well if it bothered you, then it bothered you...that's ok. Maybe I'm just desensitized...usually it would though, it was only this one where it didn't. Or I just have a whole different set of issues that bothers me. Emotional manipulation bothers me waaaay more.

I won't argue that psychological or emotional abuse doesn't do damage because it can, but that was part of what I found so disturbing about the slap in this story.
He was striking his partners across the face because it is especially demeaning. Hitting someone in the face does a lot of damage because it's an attack on someone's identity. Also, if it leaves a mark that mark because evidence of abuse that the victim will then be forced to put on display whenever they are in public.
I am not trying to pick a fight with you specifically, it just seems odd to me that the abuse in this story didn't read as abuse to you because I felt it portrayed a very pernicious form of abuse and was DEEPLY disturbed by the author's attempt to pass an assault off as proof of love.
Put another way, while reading this I kept thinking that if this was a real couple I would want the victim to seek counseling, while I would want the abuser charged and punished for their crime because it was a textbook example of domestic violence.
I also believe that in the real world that slap would most likely have been the starting point for long-term, systematic abuse.

That put me off too actually. It was a bit of an overreaction to hit your partner for going to dinner with a friend and accidentally drinking. I kept reading to the end, but yeah, I would have hit the guy back if I was in that position though.

no I didn't think you were picking a fight...I understand where you're coming from. I don't really know why it didn't bother me. It just seems like abuse requires an imbalance of power, cause I have been on the recieving end of that. I mean he never hit me but I felt lower than a worm, this didn't have the same feeling...like an imbalance of power. Maybe I just interpreted it differently I don't know. It just seemed like he was emotionally immature and now dealing with it at all well. It was completely an overreaction though I agree, but it just came across to me as someone socially awkward lashing out. I mean I've done that, gotten my feelings hurt and smacked someone...I mean it was like 12 years ago and it was a sucker punch...but that's kinda how I interpreted it. And it wasn't a romantic situation...so maybe it is way different ...but I felt bad once I realized it happened...
But I mean ukes get offended and slap a semes face all the time...and I kinda thought this seme was only seme because he happened to top...
But no I understand you weren't picking a fight. :D
We might just have to agree to disagree...or I need to reread it idk.

Have to agree with Kiki on this one. Sure, physical abuse stems from an inability to communicate and cope, but that wasn't what this was. Sure, the seme didn't know how to communicate what he was feeling and he reacted violently, and poorly at that, but that doesn't mean he's abusive. More that he's just emotionally immature and inexperienced, and he CAN learn from that and grow out of it. Now had he not apologized and resigned himself to dealing with such situations with serial violence, then that would have been different and yes, that would have been abuse. But that's not the case here, is it?
Read Azami. That's physical abuse. There's a big difference. :-)

Just to be clear, while some readers may not be bothered by it, what was portrayed was most certainly abuse. That is simply a fact.
Were it real, the seme would be guilty of an assault and the couple would be perfect candidates for a domestic violence intervention of some sort.

I am actually a bit surprised and disturbed by how many people are eager to defend intimate partner violence.

Amen to that and good for you.

I know it's just a story, but I get scared by how many people consider a slap across the face somehow romantic.
I have to hope that if they saw the same thing being done to a friend or family member they'd feel differently.

That would only happen if there were a pattern. In this case, there isn't. Sure, he overreacted, but he realized it immediately and apologized. If this were a shoujo and the seme were a girl, would you have reacted the same way? No? I didn't think so.

See ok you have 0 idea what your talking about. Because I see it every day I KNOW what abuse is, looks like, and feels like. Its an imbalance of power. The seme happens to top, that's it. He doesn't have the power, he's the vulnerable one, he's new to relationships, he was HONEST about all that. He was up front about it bothering him, was ignored, and lied to about it.
Speaking from experience if you have a hard time opening up to people and letting them close, and then you need to be treated with care. I'd never hit...because I'm borderline non-confrontational but if it had been me the uke would have found himself either single, or on the couch for a week for that stunt. And for someone who's not used to these situations, has been keeping themself in a bubble like the seme, and is less emotionally experienced its not unheard of that they'd react without thinking and get someone in the face. People aren't all calculating evil monsters, they're emotional and they react.
Serial abusers learn PRETTY fast not to hit the face. They go for the back, the stomach, stuff hidden by clothes. Unless they are very stupid.
In this case the one who hit was the emotionally vulnerable one, he didn't have any power in the relationship the uke is the one propelling him forward. If the uke had hit him...THAT would have made me uncomfortable.
And stop assuming shit about people. Believe me I know what abuse looks like. Black and white only happens in books. Real people are gray

I completely agree with you. Especially since he apologised and never did it again. I also agree that the uke is really the one with power in this relationship.