Okay, it is getting so tiring to read this, every battle is just an endless round of one upmanship with more and more improbable skills. Please just end this already - I am a bit of a masochist, I want to know how it ends, but no longer care so much about the journey. Sigh.
Squeeze that butthole! Reminds me of the relaxation course I took in Drama, our teacher wanted us to tense up all our muscles, one by one, and then relax them. When he got to the tops of our legs, he said "imagine there is a lemon between your butt cheeks, and squeeze that lemon, squeeze it!"
Grab this chance by the balls ... truer words have never been spoken ...