clementine muffin's Things

im not native to the area i live, I've lived here my whole life but didn't have to speak much of the native language here. i can understand it, read it, even speak it, but it takes me time to process it, i can't converse in it fluently.

and i never faced a language barrier in school because it was a rich ppl private school, but im now in a government medical college and i get deliberately excluded from conversations, ignored, unheard for not speaking their language. im trying but it's hard.

plus this place is full of raging homophobia and transphobia, people are already questioning my masc appearance and idk how long i have till i start getting targeted for it.

i just wanna get my mbbs degree and get out of this country man. i don't wanna deal with idiots. all I've done today is an unsuccessful driving lesson, and crying. everyone is sick at home and I'm supposed to be the responsible one today. what the fuck is life

we have a celebration outing thing from my local coaching, for the students who made it. it's a full day 12 hours thing. i came back from an 8 day outing like- day before yesterday, my muscles haven't recovered from that yet, I'm in genuine pain, and my family is forcing me to go, saying it's a good opportunity.

i never made friends with those people, they're still always talking about studies and stuff, just cleared neet ug and they're already taking about colleges for pg (which will be after they finish the degree they haven't started yet). meanwhile i still haven't properly researched the colleges I'm applying for in under a month

how the hell am i supposed to survive these awkward 12 hours? i feel like being on my phone for almost all the time there will be rude, but like can i do anything else? I've genuinely never talked to anyone there except for the two times i went for celebration parties at different centres.

I have about 2 months of free time on me rn, no studies. I'll be doing some other things obviously, can't really devote all my time to just one thing, but I had a long fic/book idea and I was planning on writing it rn.

Now I have written one short ao3 fic before and uploaded it too, but this plot idea I have does deserve a drawn out fic/book thing with substantial plot. I watched some youtube tutorials on how to write something like this, and it looks daunting there, people are spending months researching and taking physical notes filling up multiple diaries, seems like too much work for me to be able to accomplish in the time I have.

Is it actually like this though or do these youtubers make it look unattainable on purpose? Anyone who had any experience writing something with more than a few thousand words please help me out here

(also idk if this info helps but i was never a writing kid, if we had to do any sort of creative writing that was for fun and wasn't a part of the curriculum, I either made my mom write it or opted out. I really only got into writing recently because I started reading so much on ao3)

I keep seeing a popular opinion on twitter saying Bibi is bisexual, but I feel like she's more lesbian. Bibi's crush on Peter feels a bit like comphet to me, but maybe my perspective is flawed here because I'm not attracted to males and have experienced eerily similar comphet in my life. Could y'all share your opinions, do you think she's bi or lesbian?

(also i know it doesn't matter to speculate on labels because at the end of the day we're all queer, it's just a fun discussion i wanna have. no hate to bi people btw i just want opinions)

The most important exam of my life, my medical college entrance exams, are now 9 days away. And I've prepared as much as I can, and am getting decent scores. I'm also pretty burnt out and can feel my brain giving out in the middle of mock exams this week.

So I've decided to just absolutely waste time tomorrow. After my morning exam, I'm gonna go to a restaurant nearby, without telling my parents much, and use the money I keep hidden for emergency purposes. And maybe stop at the closest cheap chain confectionery store branch and buy myself a mid tier brownie. (I'm pretty sure I'm exhausting all my leftover money in just the restaurant tomorrow)

Is this a stupid idea, should I get straight back home and continue studying or execute this plan instead?

(posting this at 4am btw. I'll check in the morning, if the majority consensus says I should go for it, I will fr)