Vent

i usually dont do this but im actually devastated and overwhelmed

my online partner of 10 years now may have possibly died and i dont know

they have a brain aneurysm that was rupturing when they texted me about being in the hospital

the mortality rate of it is so high

i never got to meet them irl
i never got to hug them, kiss them, touch them
i never got to tell them i love them face to face
i never got to go on a cheesy date, never be the annoying pda couple, never got to cuddle, never got to propose or get married

i just hope they are tuckered out and sleeping
i dont want to believe that theyre dead
i have no way of knowing too

i want to throw up
i don't want this to be real
i wanted to grow old with them, i wanted to do so many things with them

i dont know what i'll do without them
i've been living the past few years with the goal of seeing them
i think i'll go through with death if i cant see them
it's pointless now, no one will love and understand me as much as they do
i'll never experience this love... they were my soulmate...

im so stupid

look, I liked this guy right? we go to the same sport and last year i was his bestfriend but we both liked eachother. i confessed, he confessed , then we argued out of nowhere and just never resolved shit. i swear im trying so hard to get over him, but a few days ago i offficially told him i didnt wanna be his friend anymore . AND LISTEN BEFORE YALL SAY IM INSANE, literally he used to leave me on read / delivered for hours on end, if not days. he also had 100000000000 other fuckass " bestfriends" and said the same shit to all of us. and a few weeks before christmas i still saw him as my good friend, until i heard from someone else that he fucking shouted out loud " i prefer my other bsf over mina" that girls name is bryannah idfk that im saying her name, she fucking said she hates me for absolutely no reason at all, told the guy i was toxic, calls my friends pigs, fatties, loners and so on. i KNOW shes the bad influence on him, but to be honest i dont even wanna care anymore cause if he wants to fuck up his own life that badly, go for it. also, every single time i talked to him about how i felt ( venting ) and he always turned it into a whole sad anime backstory for himself. anyways , back to the point. how do i just stop thinking about him and get over him? literally i have tried absolutely EVERYTHING to stop thinking about him. ┗( T﹏T )┛