Paskim lover
I write long paragraphs at night so nothing will make that much sense
now. i want to start this off with a disclaimer. I AM AUTISTIC. I HAVE OCD. BEEN DIAGNOSED SINCE 2017. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
Now. heonjae is a very troubled character. but we need to remember this is in the context within a very high security prison, that's stated at the start when they question why myeong-il is there just for gambling and stealing.
generally, everyone in a maximum security / high security prison will need to have committed a violent crime, often heinous. think kidnapping, murder, attempted murder, child abuse, etc.
Heonjae is in for kidnapping and murder. Yes, this is bad. Obviously. He's in prison. Jingi is in for also presumably murder and has records of torturing and raping inmates. So if you dickride Jingi but hate on Heonjae for the reason of Heonjae being a "violent criminal" I need you to get off Jingi's dick and WAKE UP!!!!
what are the main reasons people hate heonjae?
1. he's creepy
his creepy behaviour, disregarding his mutilation fantasy, is that he's very quiet, blunt, shy, and clingy. this is very typical behaviour of someone who is autistic and / or went through an abusive childhood like heonjae did. judging by his behaviour, it's fair to say heonjae was probably physically and verbally abused, often belittled which is why he often makes himself as small as possible.
on top of this, he has autistic symptoms as his behaviour. was this the authors intention= 99%, no. but a lot of times characters who want to be depicted as "creepy" are written with autistic traits which is incredibly ableist. some of heonjae's notably autistic traits are:
- RSD
- black and white thinking
- a difficulty understanding personal space and boundaries
- an intense attachment to objects that might manifest as hyperempathy (his blanket + teddybear)
- an intense attachment to a person viewed as safe (myeong-il, who was the first person who treated him like an actual person)
2. he wants to kill myeong-gi
his scene depicting violent fantasies remind me more of intrusive thoughts than planning and ideation. heonjae grew up in a violent household with a brother that then introduced him to violent crime, it's safe to say he's not sure how to express his love otherwise.
extreme feelings like love to him equate to extreme things like violence. he's never said he's *going* to act on these impulses, he just said he imagines it. does that make it healthy? no, but it doesn't make him a sociopath
3. he's a rapist
yes and so is jingi. this is set in a prison with awful people. it's also yaoi written by a straight woman, this is porn and some scenes will be rape fetishy. you can't really avoid this in BL. if you hate the characters for this reason, that's understandable, just don't read it.
^ adding onto this, comparing Jingi and Heonjae's approach to sex, heonjae is a lot less forceful. for example, he only had myeong-il suck his dick because myeong-il agreed to it. the bath scene is a lot more grey since it's hard to tell what the author classifies as rape or not. of course, anything without explicit consent is rape, but in the context of BL authors, a lot of them only think it's rape if **they purposefully depict it as rape**.
4. he's a sociopath
you do not know what a sociopath is and you are contributing to stigma surrounding ASPD. heonjae, multiple times, expresses an understanding of empathy, sympathy, and other people's emotions. he is not impulsive, nor does he engage in lying a lot. in fact he feels horrible about lying to myeong-il. he meets zero of the requirements.
all in all, yes it's just a BL, but please be more mindful on how you demonise mentally ill traits and him as a character. he's not a good person, but that's unrelated to his autistic and OCD-like traits.
I'm the number one heonjae defender. if i catch you shittalking him I'm going to reply. beware.
i need you people to leave him ALONE . what has heonjae done. genuinely. what has he done that jingi hasn't done. BE SERIOUS !!! WHO WAS THE ONE IN THE SHOWERS? IN THE FIRST CAHPTERS? JINGI. NOT HEONJAE. exactly. now leave him alone my sweet boy
i feel like this story would’ve been better without the genderbend. why is it even listed as netkama? it does not make sense.. also the main character pisses me off with his “was I looking for too long” ITS A GAME???
