someone recommend me some manhwa/manga with cryBABY tops and cool bottoms please please please
I got a lot of the theories wrong, but there are some that matched. I'm both happy and sad that I have now finished reading this manhwa. It was an amazing read, and I think it deserved the title of a masterpiece. Author-nim, you're a genius at paneling and delivering a story. I wished I can find more stories that are as deep and intriguing as ks that can fuel my inner nerd self.
What Sangwoo had between Bum was not love, but codependency and desperation. He had trauma throughout his life from his mother's abuse and manipulation that turned him into the person he was now. We could see throughout the story that he was smart and calculated, but very emotionally unstable. He was a person with a lack of parental love, and I would dare to say he was actually thirsty for it that every time he received love, he would think of his mother. Sangwoo had mommy issues. There were a lot of instances where this was proved—1.it was countlessly portrayed in the story that Bum reminded him of his mother (appearance-wise and action-wise), 2.he said he liked girls with strong maternal instinct. But rather than loving his mother, I'd say he was so emotionally scarred by her that he couldn't escape her, causing him to confuse his feelings. His personality was basically influenced by what he went through with her.
So yeah, I think Sangwoo was incapable of love between partners, especially as long as he stayed with Bum. He was emotionally unstable while Bum was mentally unstable, yet both were dependent on each other. Sangwoo wanted to be saved from his trauma, while Bum wanted to be loved as per his delusions (bro had a list). I think Sangwoo did realize that Bum's love is stronger than his mother's, and he did come to realize that they were two different people, but he was beyond traumatized and paranoid to see this, especially with Bum's words and actions frustrating him in chapter 57+. Unless Bum is capable of understanding the depth of Sangwoo's trauma, I think the both of them will have the romance most BL readers want. But if we have an understanding Bum, we need a sane Bum, and if we have a sane Bum, then this manhwa wouldn't exist.
In short, Killing Stalking is perfect as it is.
Chapter 67: In Chapter 65 when Sangwoo was behind the glasses of his delusion, he was at his emotionally vulnerable yet physically healthy. The chapter portrayed how he was convinced that he could survive without Bum—a stability—as he had been doing back when he was on his killing spree. But in Chapter 67, the grandma, who unknowingly killed Sangwoo (*sniff *sniff), said that he kept calling out for Bum. Sangwoo was both emotionally and physically vulnerable here. The interesting part was the fact that he was probably unconscious and in a lot of pain the whole time but still called out for Bum. The only emotions that could drive that kind of determination was either pure hatred, or profound dependency towards Bum (dependency can lead to love in some cases, but this manhwa is probably not it).
The way I see it based on the ending, it weighs more on the latter. He called for Bum at his most vulnerable because at the end, even after failing to escape from his trauma, Bum persisted as the only true stability and warmth to him. His and Bum's feelings were mutual. Both of them were so dependent on each other in every sort of way. Sangwoo cried for Bum even on his deathbed while Bum chased after Sangwoo to his death (both figuratively and literally). At the end, they both fulfilled their promises to love (“only have sex with each other until they die” but that sounds unromantic) and die together. It was their own very “happy” ending.
Chapter 65: I mentioned before that Sangwoo was so consumed in his delusions and failed to escape from his mother, thus continuing to see her in Bum. Sangwoo's “I don't need you anymore” showed that he didn't see Bum as a substitute for his mother when Bum failed to kill Seungbae because had it been his mother in Bum's place, she'd have killed Seungbae. In Sangwoo's psychotic state, he couldn't see other connections that tied Bum to him anymore once he stopped associating his mother to Bum, which explained why he had the drive to kill Bum.
Chapter 66: The panel where Sangwoo let the picture go was probably him letting go of a part of Bum which was different to his mother. If we go back to Chapter 37 at the amusement park, Sangwoo had a lot of either confused or shocked expressions. While his mother was always depressed and zoned out outside of the house, Bum was the complete opposite of her. Chapter 37 is where he got to see a lot of Bum's sides that contrasted to his mother, and Bum's bright face on the rollercoaster must be the last push that urged him to let that carefree part of Bum go. Bum's innocence was unfamiliar and not necessary, since what he needed at the time was a substitute of his mother, hence the act of releasing the picture was him releasing that part of Bum free.
Chapter 59-60: These chapters are pretty self-explanatory but I still want to yap about it. Bum was beating around the bush. He wasn't wrong here, but there are multiple ways he can phrase his words to make it less suspicious and comforting for Sangwoo. Though I don't think it would make a difference since Sangwoo was already delusional and paranoid here. Bum's strange behavior just fueled that delusion. What actually made me believe Sangwoo truly wanted Bum by his side was him not answering when Bum asked if Sangwoo wanted him to go away. Although he admitted that he regretted meeting Bum, I take his refusal to answer Bum's question as him wordlessly—or probably subconsciously—admitting that he found comfort in Bum's company when he was just fine living alone before Bum came along. It was proven in this chapter that Sangwoo had failed to escape from his mother.
Chapter 58: This chapter was just frustrating. I know Bum refused to tell Sangwoo about the ring because it was a surprise and had to go out in a hurry because he didn't want to delay getting it, but for god's sake was it frustrating to read. He couldn't even hide his expression when asked about friends which only made Sangwoo more suspicious. But we can see here that Sangwoo was changing. He became more desperate, childish, and clingy, because he realized the importance of Bum in his life. But all that took a turn because Bum couldn't see that. That bitch spewing nonsense made it worse than it already is. Her presence made his already thin trust to waver. I interpret the blue sky reflected in his eyes as him being consumed in his delusions and will continue to suspect his only “stability”.
Chapter 57: Sangwoo tried to explain himself, but instead of being honest or sharing his trauma, he decided to vocalize his anxiety and justify his words. Bum couldn't comfort Sangwoo as effectively as he could (this is reasonable cause anyone would be shocked if their partners called them “mom” mid-sex). I think Bum did his best to try and brush it off as his way of being considerate, but Sangwoo saw this as Bum being disgusted. He was writing his own delusions about Bum (I did too about them lol).
Bum asked for permission to go out, instead of running away (I'd run away), as if saying that he wasn't going to leave Sangwoo if he wasn't okay with it. It was his way of letting both of them calm down, although it would surely backfire because Sangwoo was already emotionally unstable. Leaving him alone to his thoughts was similar to letting his delusions run wild. We can see Sangwoo’s desperation once he realized his “stability” walking away, ransacked the place to shut his mind, then BAM!
Bum stepped out of a woman's car. Sangwoo wrote another delusion and Bum lying through his teeth was definitely not helping. I believe Bum lied because he didn't want Sangwoo to get jealous or have ideas that he was cheating on him, but lying would only make him suspicious. If Bum didn't trigger him, or IF Sangwoo was honest and shared his trauma with Bum, I think he could finally truly escape his mother.
Chapter 56: This is the chapter where he decided both he and Bum would “start over”. We can see from the feast, the ambience, the admission that he hated the song that he once kept listening to (probably his mother's favourite), and his compliance in humouring Bum. Before, he'd accept Bum as his mother's substitute (refer to chapter 18 and below), but now he flinched and looked scared when he imagined his mother as Bum, not the other way around.
This episode was very direct at implying his desire to escape his trauma. When our brain wants to find closure, it would invoke our deepest fears for us to escape it—similar to the act of forgiving. To forgive someone, we will be reminded of what they did first before we find closure (to forgive). We can see now that he was scared when he hallucinated that his mother appeared as Bum, because what he wanted was to depend on Bum without seeing his mother anymore. I believe Sangwoo would be able to fully escape from his mother if only Bum didn't say or do things that trigger his fears. Let's break this down:
1. Bum wanted them to call each other “babe”. Sangwoo tolerated this because he was on that end line of escaping his mother.
2. Sangwoo said he went up the mountains to be reminded of his mother, but instead he was only reminded of Bum = The effect of having Bum in his life was bigger than his mother's; it made him terrified because it was unfamiliar.
3. He was fine seeing Bum in his dreams but got scared when he was replaced by his mother.
4. Bum's pet name for him reminded him of his mother.
5. Bum called him “babe” when they had sex, and Sangwoo shut him up because he didn't want to be reminded of his mother.
6. The biggest trigger: Bum riding him in the same position his mother sexually abused him.
Sangwoo saying “mom” was a traumatic response. The words before that were directed to Bum (he asked to see Bum's face to ground himself to reality), yet his mouth subconsciously reacted to the trauma. The panel showed he didn't have a recollection of what he said until Bum repeated it.
Sak and Lima literally did the 'mc fell first but ml fell harder and still going strong'. This manhwa is literally so comforting despite the post-apocalyptic genre of it. And I don't know why but Lima is the hottest seme I've ever seen in my eyes. He's not even full-colored!