Chapter 52-54: These chapters showed that Sangwoo actually loved his father more than his mother, but his fear of her was bigger than the love he had for his father. He said in the last panels of chapter 53, “I'm serious. I love you”. I think there were 2 things that appealed to me; 1.his expression, & 2.his words directed at Bum. Every action and word he exchanged with Bum was like a reminder to his childhood memories. What I perceived from these was, either he still saw his mother in Bum and said those words, or he tried to escape from the clutches of his mother by convincing himself that he loved Bum. I'd vote for the latter.
The root of all his problems led to his mother. Everything began when his mother got jealous over him and tried to kill him. Then, she cheated on her husband, sexually abused her son, and poisoned her husband's food. Suffering from a mental illness didn't justify her doing all these when her husband and son clearly loved her. That's why Sangwoo wasn't that bothered by his father's violence than his mother's screams. He knew his mother deserved those beatings. She had a loving family but still did all that shit. I guess that's why Sangwoo said that if Bum was a girl, he wouldn't be alive, because all girls reminded him of that ugly side of his mother.
Chapter 45-46: I take this one as the chapter where Sangwoo wanted to “start over” with Bum, but to do that, he needed closure. Killing the stepmom lady was his closure from his mother, while damaging the car was his closure from his father. His outburst in the mountains was him letting it all out and “born anew”. He assumed Bum's closure would be killing his uncle, since he knew that Bum already got his closure from that girl in high school when he killed Jieun. So he took matters into his own hands, as he said “you wanted someone to kill him for you”. So when Bum threw a fit over him killing his uncle instead of “thanking” him, he was taken aback.
Chapter 51: This!! Sangwoo finally said that Bum was not his mother. I think what he meant by that was, while his mother made him feel guilty for killing his father, Bum blamed himself. There was something like a slight smile on his face after Bum said he missed him. I think he never expected Bum to still love him after what happened and he was happy when he was proven wrong. That's why someone like him, who found another dude’s dick disgusting, still sucks Bum off. It was as if he was determined to keep Bum by his side, even at the expense of his preferences.
Chapter 43: Just when he thought that he had “won” and escaped his mother with Bum by his side, he met that lady. He even said that he “never wanted to see you again”, tried to brush her off, but visibly failed to do so despite his efforts to look unbothered whenever Bum was around. You can see that he didn't raise his voice at Bum in the previous chapter where Bum made a lot of mistakes, but he did in this one after meeting that lady. It was obvious that Sangwoo was very shaken by the doppelganger. That's how deep the trauma was for him that even his stability—Bum—couldn't help.
Chapter 44: In this chapter, Sangwoo's longing for maternal love was clear. He tried to convince himself that the lady and his mother were the same, but the lady's devotion to save her son, much less her own, made Sangwoo envious. I think this chapter is the clearest depiction of Sangwoo's longing and envy, or could I say, his childish side. His decision to kill the lady was his way to win again, but it appeared that his trauma was bigger that he hallucinated and at last escaped to Bum—the stability he found.
Chapter 38: That “I win” has a lot of connotations that I can't really put my finger on. It could be winning over the police officer, over his dead mother, or winning Bum (unconditional love) over to his side.
Chapter 39: I think he planned those “dates” to get all the love he can get from Bum. I believe he already made up his mind to escape from his mother in Chapter 36 and decided to give that “love between partners” a shot while burying his need for a parental one—knowing that Bum was incapable of that—which would explain why he gave one last look at the boy and his mother at the mall before leaving.
Chapter 36: In the dream, his teenage self walked away from his mother, a sign that he was escaping her. He didn't even hesitate to pick up the knife, as if ready to kill her without a second thought, but the moment he turned and saw Bum, his body froze. How I think Sangwoo (probably) saw it was, compared to his mother who shackled him down with trauma, Bum was someone who provided stability and love for him, although he still couldn't get over how similar Bum was to his mother in terms of appearances. Or it could also mean that Bum had replaced his mother as the one that will affect his life from now on. Like bro seriously apologized after insulting Bum and even tried to get to know him better. It shows that he was starting to see Bum as a person different from his mother.
Chapter 26-27: I think the word “disgusting” Sangwoo used here is because of how he viewed Bum's circumstances as similar to his mother's. He felt disappointed, betrayed, and unable to understand Bum's predicament.
Chapter 27 was when Sangwoo was aware of Bum as his stability. He acted indifferent when Bum slitted his wrist, but when he came back from the basement and saw the amount of blood, he panicked. I interpreted “something's not right” as him realizing that losing Bum meant losing that stability and unconditional love. So when Bum rejected him in the bath, he was shocked and attacked him out of desperation to get that love back.
Chapter 18: I see this chapter as Sangwoo commemorating the return of his stability—Bum = his mother. Idk if anyone shares the same view as mine, but I think Sangwoo saw both his victims and Bum as his mother. This chapter showed the complex emotions Sangwoo held against his mother. Since his parents’ death, he had only killed women, which showed his hatred towards his mother. He talked and treated Bum sweetly while treating Jieun differently. His words “Disgusting to the end” was spoken to the side he hated from his mother, while “We can finally truly be together. Until death” was spoken to the side he craved from his mother.
Chapter 19-20: I interpreted this chapter as Sangwoo wanting Bum to think of him as his stability as Sangwoo did. Because he already convinced himself that Bum would love and depend on him, he felt disappointed when Bum said he felt nothing after killing Jieun. He considered Bum's words “I only want you” (tho in the heat of the moment) as another proof of Bum's “unconditional love” and dependence on him. His face of relief showed how he viewed Bum's confession. It was as if he finally found someone who loved both his fake self and true—dark—self. Still, he didn't see Bum as anything more than either a substitute or an escape from his mother.
Chapter 13-14: I'd like to think that this was the first portrayal of his dependency on Bum. “This irritating feeling will go away” = an unfamiliar emotion in which Bum's presence was his stability and losing Bum would make him lose it. So when he found Bum still in the house, he was relieved. That's when his trust for Bum increased. This was proved when he gave Bum those crutches and allowed him to go outside. Although there is yet another test for Bum. He left Bum at the clothing store, and Bum looked for him instead of taking that chance to run away. So trust +5 lol.
Chapter 15-17: Sangwoo used his words to tie Bum down to him. His words “So you love me too” may imply that he also loves Bum, but I think he actually meant that Bum loved him as his mother loved him. His words suggested he practiced and sang the song for Bum, as words of appeal, but of course, this is just my views on this. I think “the star of tonight's anniversary” that Sangwoo said in Chapter 17 probably implied his mother's death anniversary, and Bum was her substitute.
Chapter 5: After Bum's failed attempt to feed him rat poison, Sangwoo still kept him alive. Anyone can deduce that he saw his mother in Bum (he said so himself), but I thought that was the limit to it. A substitute. Then Bum jerked off to him, right? His reaction changed my views. I see his blushing face not as embarrassment, but realization. Even after all the abuse and assault Bum went through, his unconditional love—or lust in that matter—for Sangwoo made him feel (for the lack of better words) pleased. He treated Bum like shit, but Bum still longed for him. It was a situation he never faced even back when his mother was alive.
Chapter 7: This was Sangwoo's first test for Bum because he still couldn't trust him. Bum then tried to escape and proved to be untrustworthy. We can see his determination to kill Bum for once, until he was swayed by Bum calling out for him. I think this is the first chapter where he was genuinely aroused (though he still sliced Bum's chin) outside sex.
Chapter 56: This is the chapter where he decided both he and Bum would “start over”. We can see from the feast, the ambience, the admission that he hated the song that he once kept listening to (probably his mother's favourite), and his compliance in humouring Bum. Before, he'd accept Bum as his mother's substitute (refer to chapter 18 and below), but now he flinched and looked scared when he imagined his mother as Bum, not the other way around.
This episode was very direct at implying his desire to escape his trauma. When our brain wants to find closure, it would invoke our deepest fears for us to escape it—similar to the act of forgiving. To forgive someone, we will be reminded of what they did first before we find closure (to forgive). We can see now that he was scared when he hallucinated that his mother appeared as Bum, because what he wanted was to depend on Bum without seeing his mother anymore. I believe Sangwoo would be able to fully escape from his mother if only Bum didn't say or do things that trigger his fears. Let's break this down:
1. Bum wanted them to call each other “babe”. Sangwoo tolerated this because he was on that end line of escaping his mother.
2. Sangwoo said he went up the mountains to be reminded of his mother, but instead he was only reminded of Bum = The effect of having Bum in his life was bigger than his mother's; it made him terrified because it was unfamiliar.
3. He was fine seeing Bum in his dreams but got scared when he was replaced by his mother.
4. Bum's pet name for him reminded him of his mother.
5. Bum called him “babe” when they had sex, and Sangwoo shut him up because he didn't want to be reminded of his mother.
6. The biggest trigger: Bum riding him in the same position his mother sexually abused him.
Sangwoo saying “mom” was a traumatic response. The words before that were directed to Bum (he asked to see Bum's face to ground himself to reality), yet his mouth subconsciously reacted to the trauma. The panel showed he didn't have a recollection of what he said until Bum repeated it.