There’s a difference between a complex story and a messy story. A complex story is carefully crafted and intricate. Sudden reveals don’t feel out of place and adds to the world as a whole. A messy story is an attempt to make a complex story but lacks depth and thought in crafting the basics. This is a messy story.
The sudden reveals of magic, portals, slavery, and human experimentation feels too disjointed from the initial plot. What could have been interesting developments feel tacked on for the sake of ‘complexity’. This would have worked if all those elements were showcased or hinted to in the first chapters when setting up the world. This is because all of those things are actually common knowledge. Since we, the readers, are privy to the main characters thoughts and actions it is expected to know these things as well.
There are cases where the main character tricks the reader by withholding information, but this isn’t that story nor does it fit the genre. When done right, the unreliable narrator adds to the story and it’s message. When done wrong, as in this case, it comes off as cheap, confusing, and messy.
Just because the world was not explained, doesn’t mean that you can throw in whatever you want. These elements feel like afterthoughts thrown on top of a shaky foundation. One that is starting to crack.
This could have been a simple but compelling story of a girl who uses her cooking to gain the love and recognition of her family while achieving her independence. Now it’s starting to stray into some kind of magic-saintess-political-war-drama(for the sake of drama)-romance with cooking sprinkled in between the hyphens.
I shall end on a food metaphor because we deserve more food:
What could have been as simple and delicious as apple pie has now turned into an apple pie mixed with spinach, sardines, and too much cinnamon that attempts to tie the flavors together. All while sitting in an oven that is on fire on the outside.
Added note:
there are stories that can handle multiple plot lines well. That’s what makes a compelling story. But in this case, this story has failed to confidently pick an actual side plot that is relevant to the characters and their growth. (Because what is a story if not the growth of a character through the events that occur?)
This is why a lot of readers are confused by the plot which is now a hot mess. It doesn’t mean that the readers are dumb. It means that the author has failed to be clear with their intentions from the beginning. It’s not multitasking.
It is a failure in storytelling when you aren’t able to lead your readers.
I agree. I was so confused about the sudden change in plot without any explanation and story progress of how it is related to her cooking.
Anyway i kinda like you lol i wish we were friends tbh i love talking to people like you bc i can talk about things in wide perspective
Can I just say I love your food metaphor? It's like describing my life too.
I really love how you explained everything (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
Aww thanks you guys! You’re too sweet.
⁄(⁄ ⁄·⁄ω⁄·⁄ ⁄)⁄
I agree with you 100%!!! I thought it would be about her cooking and her bonding with the family while falling in love, etc but it took a weird turn about portals and magic. She’s too much of a Mary Sue right now. She can cook, open portals, might marry the prince in the future lol. It’s like they added extra stuff the story didn’t need
i would find the problem source a bit different ?
So far it was bad family meet cooking show : that’s hardly enough for a story, as her true relatives are easy to become benevolent - cooking show part is page taxing, and hardly involves any plot and has no intrinsic quality (And by that i mean i was never written in an interesting manner, contrary to some bizzare but excellent manga or anime that managed to bring tension an character development, but contrary to that : she already « knows « , so there’s no story, just a « display of abilities - it has no narrative value)
Story wise : nothing is hard to follow - in fact, it’s rather the opposite : it’s too simple ! Adding to it it kind of a must - as she gets out of the house the universe can legitimately expand - that is rather logical -
( Well admittedly it would make the cooking show worthless : but when hasn’t it been ?)
To me, the messy parts would be the over abundance of reasons to define an absurd main character - the overthinking of everything she does (and why) -
if you were to remove half of that, the story expending would feel both natural and welcome ?
There’s a sum of exaggerated background to build up a messed up untrusting, calculating, self centered girl - she is impossible to relate too - i don’t think the calculative part makes her smart, and i don’t understand the need to pile up that much tragic past - it neither explains nor justify some of her twisted nature ( i get it, this type of self centered characters are rather in fashion) - but the accumulation of flash back, and explanation is burdensome
That taekwando had better be used THROUGHOUT the story. I can’t stand it when they create a strong FL who fails at protecting herself when she was initially shown to be strong
If I was her I wouldn’t take any chances. I’d pack up and run far far away with the kids the second he showed up in my dreams
However, this could just be a nightmare she's had before w/different wording. The dreams that connect her and the Emperor are usually light-tinted and feel different to her. Normal nightmares are mostly just anxieties. And you can't just pack up and move away because of anxiety. At least....that's what my therapist tells me.
That’s true but also knowing that he can use magic and has shadow soldiers at his command and he’s known to just kill whenever he feels like..... I ain’t taking no chances he’s a psycho
funny thing about capitalism, if u have no money then you can't do anything. Imagine trying to run away w/2 babies and no money
So the person who knows that they’ll be on the run for the rest of their lives because they’re being hunted by the emperor has no contingency plans to continue to be on the run should they be found? Because they now have babies that they knew they were going to have? Sounds less like a money issue and more like bad writing if she has no plans or ability to continue moving.
╮(￣▽￣)╭
Execution is too simple.
They need to invite her to their wedding. Have her watch them get married and be so absolutely happy together. She can sit in the back row, gagged or whatever. Then the FL should tell her all about the honeymoon. In detail. Force the girl to be a part of every amazing life that the FL and ML have together.
If she snaps again at any point, get the execution date planned. At the last minute have the ML ‘save’ her after confessing he cares. Only to pull a last second Hans and be like “if only there was someone out there who loved you.” And drops her off at the execution block.
You gotta beat her down emotionally and mentally. Then take that last bit of hope, raise it, and then shatter it under your foot.
That’s vengeance.
I'll never want to be on your bad side
Omg (・ω・)
Oh god truly magnificent
Oooh
The best type of punishment. We don't always have to resort to killing. There are fates far worse than death and this is hers.
Oh damn that's dark af. But I'm about it. Ily be my friend.
Theory: I think there’s a bit of a time switch going on. When she’s having sex, she’s married. But when we go back a few months, there’s no ring on her fingers. So my guess is that she ends up marrying the ‘uncle’ Doha within a few months of the first time they meet.
I could also be very wrong.
Oh that could be it but even in both chapter the ring isn't shown at all until that one panel, during the whole smut no ring was drawn on either hand even both hands where shown, til she called out her husband name but I like your theory it could be it, we need know the uncle name
Okay I read a blog review and yes your theory is right
So often we find characters in books. The perfect woman who is kind and gentle, loves everyone, and everyone loves her. She is the Mary Sue. She is Ibeline.
What’s interesting about this chapter is what happens to a Mary Sue when all of her motives and who she is gets deconstructed. Outside the lines of the story where everything goes her way, who is she really when inconsistencies occur? When all her life, despite her ‘trials’, everything was expectedly easy street where men just fell into her lap simply because she existed.
The author took this chapter to show that the perfect Mary Sue truly isn’t perfect. Everything came to her on a silver platter. So this chapter shows us what happens to the character when it’s taken away. Who is Ibeline when she no longer gets what she wants?
Despite being on the manipulative side, unlike a truly manipulative villainess, she’s never used that to hurt people. It’s always ended up as a defensive mechanism. Because that’s what a Mary Sue inherently does.
She isn’t good or evil. She’s just never had to try to be a good person. Unlike literally everyone, she’s never had the experience of having to choose between sincerely good behavior or giving in to selfishness—until now.
I found this chapter to be an interesting read into her psyche that we don’t normally see from other characters.
In addition: this chapter wasn’t meant to get you to like or sympathize with the character. Which is also interesting because most authors would use this backstory chapter as a means to make you ‘sympathize with the undeserving’.
Considering that no one likes her and finds her annoying, proves this chapter to be successful.
You worded this very well
No cap, you should make a podcast
When you learn more about sex Ed from a smut comic than you do in school. The American education system is failing us.