spitroasting will always and forever be hot as hell
i relate to Eunho… so so fuckin’ hard, man. all my life, i was told that i was easy and calm and got along with everyone. i was taught to never say no, to always help others before myself, that anything i did for myself was selfish. it made me become a terrible people pleaser and pushover to the max that i lost who i was as a person. the phrase of “i promise i’m not dirty”, “you can use me”, “i’ll do anything to make you happy” repeat constantly in my head and it makes me tear up seeing another person go through those thoughts. we know people well because we had to watch them and their emotions, we’re not stupid babies who don’t know how to set boundaries, it’s just super hard for us to get out of that dark mindset.
It's a big step that you recognise it and are even just thinking about putting yourself first.
What got me with this last ch was that, at least in my opinion, Eunho is happy with the dregs of affection he's getting because he at least knows it's not a lie, and it's better than nothing. He really needs to be treated like a king, and be able to trust his partner so he can start healing his self worth. I really didn't expect this story to go so deep.
seeing the blood made my skin boil. i don’t think i’ve ever been more mad reading a scene. i feel so bad for Je-oh; the trauma for some will never go away, both physically and and emotionally. i’m always haunted by my own demons, but i can’t imagine having to be knee-deep in it every day and having to experience it again and again.
i love this chapter specifically because it reminds me of my first time with my ex-boyfriend. i was abused a lot during my childhood and my body has permanent repercussions from it to this day, so when the topic of sex came up with my ex and i, i avoided it like the plague. i was also afraid of truly telling him i loved him because of trauma with past relationships. sex was scary to me yes, but being honest about my feelings was even more terrifying. Shinpei did exactly what my ex did; called me beautiful and said my body is perfect just the way it is and that we didn’t have to do anything further than cuddling. he was my first love. :’)
I hope you don’t mind, but why did he become your ex? From what you mentioned, he seemed like a great person who treats you right:( I hope the person your with or your next relationship treats you even better
I'm not the one you're asking that, but i lived something similar.
For me, it was just because love, sometimes, doesn't last. Ând because, as i was abused, i was fragile and harmed by so many little thing that normally wouldn't hurt anyone but, the scar of thèse trauma were too heavy for me to be able to stand this. With traumatised person, even a perfectly nice one could be not enough. Because thé problem is in ourselves, and meltdown are a daily thing
it was partially this, but it was also my mother. i was a teenager during this time and my ex, while a great boyfriend, was a well-known delinquent and didn’t do good academically. my mom’s a hardcore asian tiger mom, so when we were found out, she forced us to break up and changed my classes so we couldn’t see each other. :’)
Ho that's so sad...
THE WAIT WAS WAY WELL WORTH IT HOLY FUCK I AM SCREAMING THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS WHY I LOVE SLOW BURN
but only in fiction. don’t try this at home kiddos