Mimi's manga / #Abuse(13)

I hyped myself up too high with this one, lads. I don't regret reading this, I just went into this wanting more... tragedy. More angst, more hurt to balance the comfort. And the comfort wasn't that strong either but was more present than the hurt. I think the main characters are fine, them as a couple are cute, I love re-encounters, and the story was interesting to me. However, doing the timeskip thing where the first 3 chapters are their senior year and the last 3 (+ extra, so 4) is them meeting up again after a couple of years I felt made both halves feel rushed. There's also the weird way they do scene cutting that didn't feel smooth, so it was really weird to follow like an odd video editing cut back and fourth. I really wanted to see more communication between Koru and Shiraki during those 3 days. I wanted more slow, quiet moments that would've made the sex scene in chapter 3 worth it. Before, you only really saw Shiraki grow a fondness for Kuro, who was in a "he's my friend, I want to protect him" kind of mode. When the first kiss happened, I was hoping for them to talk after that, but instead, it did a cut away. I felt the same way in the second half when Shiraki confessed because now we know that Kuro still had feelings but was scared to pursue that. And when we do get a perfect "pause and talk" moment, they cut away again to a flashback. We eventually got to sit the fuck down and talk through some stuff but even that I felt like it could've been delved deeper, but I was happy we got it. I did leave this liking this couple. I left this liking this book. I felt myself about to cry during chapters 6 and the extra. But I think I went into this hoping for something like CUT and then being let down because it was close to being as emotional as CUT was.

Update: Dropping the series as a whole but I did read all of this 2 vol combo. I also don't know the date I read this other than it being 2016 but I wrote as little of what I could remember down for it in 2023. So this is old but I don't really want to update it because I don't want to reread this shit book. Maybe it's because I'm 20, maybe it's because I'm not 15 years old anymore, maybe I'm not much more aware of how horrible everything in this book is, but the way how this relationship started bothered me to hell and back. The fact that Nemu just took the harassment (then rape) that Maya was forcing on him just angered me so much. Only the last 7 was actually something good. But throughout the book I was very disgusted by the "rape and blackmail is ok because they love you" narrative this game me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so anyway, this book gave me a migraine because of how much dread I've felt reading it. It’s been a very long time since I've read something this heavy in atmosphere, and yet, it still felt different than something like CUT or Ito-san. In the middle of chapter two I needed to sit the book down and take a nap after about an hour because I was already feeling so anxious Alan that it made me fucking tired. I’ve been looking for exactly this feeling for months! The hurt/comfort here was like Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas morning. I was bawling my eyes out, I was fucking miserable caring so hard about two fictional characters! I was having the time of my life reading this. One of my main setbacks, though, was the high levels of religious preaching coming from ... everywhere. I get it, it was his upbringing and a huge part of the story. I think it's because my Baptist upbringing was never a negative one and I just have to remember that not everyone’s religious experience is that fortunate. The other thing was the age gap situation. It's very well known that Alan is 17 when they first met. Hayden's, however, is very rocky. He's either between 18 (turning 19 that year) to 21 and the thought that he was 19 or 20 looking at Alan that way bothers me a little more than the religious talk. That being said, 17 was the legal age in Texas in 1999... Plus, it started in winter and Alan most likely have been 18 for some months by the time any romance started between them. Also, the little note at the end talking about how everyone was legally above age is funny to me because I’ve never seen that disclaimer at the end of a BL before. It still just felt weird to me,