i guess i fucked up

umm i am not sure about how to use this section but i reaaally wanted to write soo i hope you listen me.
soo i am a bit dumb and day by day i am geting dumber and dumber it seems.

soo there was this guy and he cheated me. and after that i have never seen him again. buut it was like 5 or 6 years ago, maybe more than this. i am currently 21, and after him i just see one guy, he had same kind of behaviour but different types. we kissed and that was it. problem is we were soo off and he was older than me. and he was like- even if we are not in a relationship can you be more focus on me or you never think me when we are kissing or so on- and it didnt work and now i dont know both of them doing. i have never got a boyfriend- because i thought i had one but it seems like the guy who cheated never thougt it like this- and after the experiences in high school i never saw anyone. no kissing no romantic feelings or flirting or so.
so 2 weeks ago saturday we were in a pub and i was seriously drunk. i was dancing and i was in the mood and some guy gave me the drink he was drinking and i take it after he give me some cigarette and i dunno.. we kissed a bit- like french kiss- and thats it.
the problem is guy was like the one i see after i ve been cheated- like typically but he was looking so young. he was in a pub so i want to think that he was at least 18 or something but i dont know anythink and i guess he has a girlfriend. because when he was fucking drunk he add himself from instagram and he has a pp with a girl. so when i realized i blocked him and moved on.
i am a exchange student right now and i am living a bit carefree so yesterday i was in a party also. But i had some assignments so i couldnt bring myself to got drunk and i was too bored. there is another guy from my class and he was flirtin with me and i was talking to him. so he came to take me back, and it was like a midnight date, like i said i have never been a relationship so it was good for me and i like him really. but when we started to the kissing i couldnt focus on him and i felt really ashamed so i left the room. i am fucking twisted ik thats not good but after i came back i jerk of my ex foto but after i realize what the fuck i have done i couldnt even finish and sleep while cryin
i feel very fucked up. i dont know how to get over him and it makes me mad.the worst thing i feel like if i see him a little bit i feel like i start begging to the him. what the fuck should i do, i feel so frustrated