I Just Need To Vent About This Stupid Couple's Drama

TL;DR: Jess and James have been together a little over 1.5 years and argue weekly. Their arguments always have the same root cause of poor communication and I am frustrated with how they get third parties (like a parent) to help solve their problems. Bonus rant at the bottom for those who have more time to spare.

Context: Let's go with the names Jess for the girlfriend and James for the boyfriend. I am James' older brother's girlfriend. We're all college kids. Jess and James have been dating a little over 1.5 years. They will be together for 2 years this upcoming fall. This will be James' first real long-term relationship. Jess has a chronic health condition that she recently got a temporary, but long-term treatment for. James lives closer to the parent's home and can visit more frequently. James also used to be a super intense guy who was irrational, but after he got on a different kind of medication and got older, he has mellowed out so much.

The Problem: I don't know what is with these two, but every time they come home (either for a hospital visit, holiday, or just visiting the family), there is an 90 to 95% chance that they will argue, and if not that day, give them a couple days and something will blow up. And when I say argue, I don't mean a "What do you want to eat" kind of argument; I mean a full blown, super emotional and intense kind of argument where James is yelling and Jess is crying and sometimes yelling. The worst part is, a lot of these arguments happen late at night and because it is so late, a lot of the times, the dad is mediating/intervening, whatever you want to call it.

But because of how often the dad intervenes, I think Jess got so comfortable that she sometimes seeks the dad to solve their problem. I say this because recently they came home and got into an argument, Jess asked me where the dad was. I really didn't want to answer because the dad gets pulled in so many directions already, and I want him to take care of himself more, but also if I answer now, in the future she will involve me more, but I did anyway.

I also want to mention that I am only at the parent's place for holidays and summers. But from what I know, this happens frequently throughout the school year and not only at my boyfriend's parent's house, but I also got word from Jess' mom that they argue at her place too.

This has been an ongoing issue since day one. They argue multiple times in a month and possibly multiple times in a week (in worse cases they argue multiple times in a day). I am so sick of hearing them argue whenever they come home that I some times wish they don't. To double down, their argument has always been the same issue. At least the same root issue; James does not like how Jess communicates (or a lack of) with him because it sounds like she isn't actually listening to him. It has always been the same problem, just different spices.

Also what annoys me even more is that they talk about their future together, and I am silently shaking my head talking to myself like: You guys won't have a future together if you guys can't solve this 1.5 year problem you guys have.

(I am secretly hoping they break up because this is getting out of control and is unbearably frustrating to deal with every time they come back.)

Bonus Rant: I was ok with Jess before because she seemed mature back then, but now I am just annoyed with her. My boyfriend wants a close relationship with James and they both bond through video games, but I cannot tell you how many times Jess has sabotaged their time together. They plan to play together on a day and then James gets a call from Jess, "Can you please come over?" and if James tries to explain to her that he set aside time for my boyfriend she just begs him. There was a day where she texted my boyfriend something along the lines of: "Hey, James wanted me to text you that he won't be on tonight because I begged him to stay the night lol" and when my boyfriend showed me that, I was so angry.

Just recently my boyfriend and I got party game to play with James. Jess called him, and he said "Hey, I'm playing with them, and I'm going to win this game" joking and having fun. Jess seemed disinterested and just said "ok, I love you". No joke, like 2 minutes later she calls James, asking him to get his dad because her head hurt. James said that his dad may be asleep and she was quick to say he isn't because he just texted her. Then James was like, why don't you call him, and she just said "Please go get him".

Like I don't want to disregard her condition because I know it is very real, but sometimes I feel like she uses her condition as a crutch for her stupid behavior. And also, if you are already texting, there is no problem to just call the man yourself. Her condition isn't bad enough that she can't talk, move, or do things for herself, because I have seen her talk for hours, I have seen her be active, and I have seen her do stuff around by herself when James is not around. I don't know what her problem is with James gaming with his brother, but if it is jealousy, it is a nasty one.