Being trans, and never experiencing teen love.
Odd place to rant, but it’s not tied to anything so to me it’s perfect.
I’ve been having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never have someone to like, or date, or even have interest in me (atleast as a teen, but I’m seeing most likely my entire life). Mostly due to the fact I am Transmasc.
I have had people say they’ve thought I was cute (happened to me today), but become immediately put off or disgusted by the fact I identify as a male. I live in the us, and trans care is pretty much nonexistent (cobbled together with the fact I’m in a conservative household) .
Like fuck, I just feel so hopeless, I’ve just graduated and I’ve never liked a single person, and any chance I’ve had they meet me with interest, which turns into disgust or mockery. I feel like I’m missing out on one of the core experiences as a human being it hurts. (Yes I understand asexual/aromantic people exist, which I could possibly be, but atleast give me a chance to figure it out)
I just wanna know if others feel similarly to my situation. I’m filled with envy and I don’t want to be, I just want a normal life like the rest of us. Anyways that’s it thanks for looking at my stupid rant if your here.
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i also live in the us and i dated two transmascs in highschool. being trans doesnt have to stop u from finding someone u like or from having someone like you. some things take time and high school relationships can be a misery so sometimes i wish that id waited till i was older to be in relationships. if you truly want love i really hope you find it (although this post is old and u might not be on mangago anymore)
Haha still am LOL. I agree with you now. I definitely won’t deny relationships in highschool are misery, trust me I helped so so so many friends with their problems (as they say, coaches don’t play). more just idk how people feel about meeting someone as a young adult who has ZERO experience, like…NADA. And THANK YOU for your best wishes! I recently got rejected by my crush but I’m still looking up and hopeful. Much appreciated
I came out & started medically transitioning when I was 10 (mtf), but was online schooled so I didn't really get to experience any irl romances during my teens either. During that time I felt like I might never find love because I felt repulsive & ugly as well. I'm 28 now, and have been married for 7 years (We've been together for 11. We met online when I was 17.)
It gets better once you get out of your own head, but it takes a lot of time. I still find myself ugly if I stare too long in the mirror, but I've gotten to the point where I can not care about it when that feeling comes up. Plus I know he finds me attractive, and that helps sometimes too.
I have lots of advice I would give regarding everything you wrote, but this is already long, and I mainly just wanted to let you know that it's not just you. So I'll just address the 2 main things you said.
1. Despite the ugliness you feel; you're definitely gonna be someone's type. You just gotta be patient & open to the connection when it happens.
2. As for the FOMO you mentioned I felt that also. fwiw I didn't realize this back then, but it's actually kinda nice giving someone you really like all of your firsts. My husband was my first everything, and over the years we've kept discovering things I liked & didn't like which has kept the spice going strong.
Side note idk if your circumstances are at all similar to what mine were, but a lot of the ugliness I feel was placed onto me by my family. Offhanded misogynistic comments that picked away at my self esteem until they became my own thoughts. After I was able to cut them off not caring about that feeling of "ugly" got much easier.
Ahhh sorry I misread one of your comments... (._.;) I thought you said you felt ugly, but I don't think that's what you meant after re-reading.
What I said about you being someone's type is still true though so don't stress it too much when ppl are rude like that. Cis het ppl deal with it too. Some people are just jerks. You will find someone worth ur while.
Hi! Man I really appreciate this even after so long. This is some great advice, I hadn’t thought about some of the things you said. Oh and to comment about the ugly thing, is well I am not really conventionally attractive I’ll say that…I don’t think I’m butt ugly, but I am not close to the beauty standard, you wear to far off with that. I’ve grown obviously since then, and I do think I also made the post in a bad time of life. As update, I had a crush on my best friend of 9 years and got rejected. Its complicated but he was kind about it, though, once again, he said he had a crush on me when I was girl presenting in middle school, which doesn’t help reinforce my thought process but I’ve been better about it. Also identity wise, I’ve been feeling more confused when before I was so sure. Love my he/him pronouns, but gender wise,,, I kinda wish I was just an enigma lol, like I could just be, me, but gender. like I’ve been feeling a more connection to my feminine, and lowkey a disgust towards men…sounds bad but recent events have transpired as well just….growing up. It’s cool to see someone so advanced in life still going if that makes sense, like an experienced lived like someone like me. I really appreciate you commenting! Thank you!
you aren't guaranteed to never experience love just because you're trans. it does suck that people have rejected you because of it, but there are people out there who will not care about you being trans and love you anyway. just trust me bro (ik that sounds like a joke but i've seen proof of it.) it's very understandable why you feel envy in your situation. your emotions are valid even if you think its wrong to feel them. accepting that has helped me be a lot less weighed down by my envy. i also found that not trying to imagine what my dating situation would be like if i was cis or whatever else to make me feel less bad about my lack of bitches for a lack of a better term lol. i hope you find peace about this somehow or another (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
Hi! Now this may be an old post but your advice is still so wise to me, even now. It’s hard to ever be completely at peace about, recently was rejected for similar reasons, but I’ve come to terms with it mostly. Also a my identity shifts more, I’m trying to focus on feeling more myself than worrying about others. Again, thank you for even sharing to this old ass post I very much appreciate the advice !!
no problem! sorry to hear you were rejected for similar reasons again. may focusing on yourself be a fruitful endeavor ლ(´ڡ`ლ) you will thank yourself for choosing that over chasing external love in the future (and chances are once youre more vibrantly yourself people who truly love you for you will be able to find you)
Not that deep bro chill. Lot of people don't experience teen love even tho everyone should. But it's not end of the world. You are just feeling "FOMO" and overthinking it. I'm straight i never experienced teen love either it has nothing to do with sexuality. Tho i never felt envious of anyone's relationship there was a time where i wanted to date so badly but the dating pool was so so bad (school circle) i gave up. And correct me if I'm wrong "identifying" isn't equals to being trans? ( Sorry I'm not trying to come out as rude at any way I'm just confused).
Hope for the best dw. I'm form believer of love will find you irrespective of time. So just let it be. Focus on yourself.
I see, and yeah i definitely think it’s due to fomo. But like, if it was just I’m ugly and had bad personality I’d understand. But what I’m mostly angry about is the fact that I’ve had chances, but because of my identity they’ve essentially marked me as bad. Like if I was just straight and cis I’d be able to get play. No point in thinking abt it now I was just kinda ranting because it was 3:00 am. I’m truly the chud of the century.
The heck chud means honestly. Bcs here in my natives it means Fucked.