I miss feeling wanted in a friendgroup

Another depressing thing wow yay, I just honestly dont know what to do anymore. I know this is all probably in my head but I cant shake this feeling. I dont think they hate me I just think im an afterthought. Honestly if I just stopped showing up nobody really care. Im stuck feeling awful and like i have no true friends then I get a crumb of attention, a dm or just someone replying to my message and I feel like none of what I felt was true then I start feeling sad again and it fucking repeats.
I try to make a joke and they dont even let me finish and brush me off. I try to include myself and it just doesn't work, I feel like I make things awkward. Ive never felt more shame from being myself before. I just dont feel like im the same kind of human being as these people and I dont like it. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I dont even know what im looking for by posting this but I just need someone atleast to know that im feeling this way. I have no one who I can tell this to personally without feeling like im burdening them with my feelings.