What does It feel like to be depressed

I feel numb to emotions Why do I feel Like I have to force My smile and laugh, I don't Feel like smiling I don't know why I am Feeling Very sad I am not upset about anything Or with anyone But this sadness and The numbness I am feeling Does not Fade I don't have any Friends Or Anyone to talk To, I do have sister but I feel like since she is always busy with Her partner I don't think she Has time for me, I Don't have parents My mom and dad both passed away at Young age And i love With my grandmother and father.