my first gay (relationship?)

He was a friend of a friend at first. We met a lot more often since we studied in the same department. He was this niche, lowkey, kinda emo typa guy with lots of piercings and i thought he ws really cool, he wore pale makeup when he was already as white as a paper and dyed his hair different colours, i lwk wanted to be his friend and so i gradually made excuses to stay around him and subtly flirted with him; somehow we ended up together? not exactly dating but as in like a situationship. We even sucked each other off once in an alley and kissed each other whenever we had the chance but we never really committed to the relationship. He'd joke about being toxic and abusive which threw me off. When he got high on 'a erva', he'd pick a fight with me and we'd beat each other up till our faces go numb and the next day we'd suffocate each other with kisses. I can't bring myself to turn away from him. We're still friends yet i don't want just this anymore. What do i do in this situation?