guys

Play partners means that they only meet up for sex or help each other for sexual desires. It’s essentially a fuck buddy. Another thing is that play partners can have more than one partner on occasion so they allow for several “slaves” though normally it’s not allowed for there to be more than one “master” since that’s considered being disloyal.
Being in a proper relationship includes being exclusive to one partner be it “slave” or “master” and they will be more in that of a romance relationship instead of purely sexual. In these cases it’s also a lot easier and more common to have more control over the “slave” partner and they typically are more comfortable and attentive with aftercare.

Personally from my experience and observations it’s more common for people to start as play partners then later become a proper romantic partner. It’s very important in bdsm relationships to have good chemistry with your partner especially in terms of sexual interest so it’s a lot easier and better flowing to start as play partners and see if you two click.

Loyalty is very important in relationships and in play partners; though it is much more important for the “master” to have a loyal “slave” as I mentioned a moment ago having multiple “slaves” is not uncommon but having more than one master is frowned upon. This changes depending on situations though cause if you go to a bdsm bar or agree to open terms in online dating or engage in flings then having multiple “masters” and “slaves” is very much in the norm. But being loyal to one “master” is definitely an important thing.

If you ever have any bdsm or 18+ questions do ask I’ll do my best to answer!

the term "play partners" in the bdsm community can mean a wide range of things.

it can mean that two people are the BDSM equivalent of fuck buddies; for *some* people that means exclusivity, but in american hook-up culture I generally find that "fuck buddy" does not come with the expectation of monogamy or loyalty to each other -- that is reserved for when you're officially dating. in the BDSM communities I've played in, same goes for "play partner." usually play partners meet up for very specific kinds of play, and they can get different types of play from different people. as an example, I used to be a rope bottom for someone who needed to practice their rope tying skills while I had someone else I would meet for impact play. those people themselves had other bottoms or subs they would meet for their preferred types of play. however, everyone needs to be honest and disclose the fact that they're seeing other people, and some play partners do choose to be "loyal," as you put it, and not see other people.

"play partners" can also refer to someone you play with just once, usually at a play party. a play party is exactly what it sounds like: it's a party for meeting other kinky people, and if you click then you can negotiate "pick-up play" which is what we call plays that occur at the party and aren't pre-planned.

I disagree with EEE about it being more important for a slave to have only one master than for a master to have only one slave. that needs to be negotiated between all parties on a case-by-case basis. personally, I would never play with someone who had that kind of double standard, it feels like something that borders on emotional abuse by making me dependent on them while they keep their options open. that being said, submissives usually outnumber dominants in many communities so it often ends up that way by accident. the most important thing in all these relationships is honesty and trust. BDSM play can be physically dangerous or emotionally triggering and it's important to feel like you can trust your partner, even if they are a casual partner.

Hello nefi I read all your comments and you brought up many points and I do agree with what you said here but when I mentioned having multiple partners I mostly refer to those who are strictly in a play relationship revolving around sexual desires rather than that of romantic and emotional relationships. This is something I have viewed and seen in some of my friends who enjoy having a master with multiple servants in their plays. I don’t agree with it myself and am not that attuned to the whole going around with several people and experimenting as I myself don’t have much of a sex drive and maybe meet someone twice a year. I’m glad I read your comment and I think I’ll go talk to my friends and see how things work with them in a little more detail.

thank you both! it was actually quite interesting to read, and now I know :D

hey, firstly, thanks for being open to other viewpoints! you're awesome and I appreciate having a nice conversation like this.

there are definitely people who play like that, with one master and multiple submissives! I completely believe that you have friends who do it that way, and if it works for them then that's great too. I just didn't want a newbie submissive to read this and think that they don't get a **choice** when it comes to casual BDSM relationships, if that makes sense. I wanted to show that there's a variety of opinions. :)

I love seeing other opinions and views on things like this as well so I’m happy we can talk like this.

I also didn’t even take into consideration how my explanation could come across as that and potentially put a sub in a bad position like that. I’ll have to watch myself and be sure to explain things better and differently in the future.

I’m glad you found what we said as useful! :D

I will say that I’ve very intrigued to learn more about rope play though. Do you have any specific styles of tying that you enjoy more than others? Do you prefer waxed or unwaxed ropes? Are some styles of tying more uncomfortable than others or any painful types that should be avoided?

You don’t have to answer all my questions or any at all I’m just curious now since you mentioned having experience in this sort of thing.

I'm happy to answer any questions I can! disclaimer: I am not a rope expert at all, I've just played a little bit.

personally my favorites are hemp ropes that have been treated to the point of being really soft and supple, while soft cotton rope is a close second. I've never played with waxed rope so I don't know if I'd like it.

the Japanese art of rope tying is called shibari and was originally a torture/interrogation technique. a lot of people call *all* rope play "shibari" but I don't think that's accurate.

there are a lot of different ways to play with rope! some people just like to be suspended in midair, usually from an overhead beam or a portable metal frame -- I've heard this called "flying" and there is often a rope expert doing this kind of play at play parties. I don't usually see people mixing sex with this kind of play, the point is to just enjoy the compression and restriction of the rope, mixed with the euphoria of weightlessness. some people get so into it they call it "getting rope drunk."

some rope play *is* meant to be painful, either because of the position used or the tightness of the ropes. "predicament play" describes a type of play where the rope bottom has to choose between two unpleasant options. for example, if they are tied so that they have to stand on tippytoes to keep the pressure off a rope strung through their crotch, but it's painful to stay on tiptoe for very long -- that would be a predicament play.

of course, there are definitely some risks to rope play! the biggest risk is nerve damage, the second biggest risk is cutting off blood supply to a limb, and of course there's the risk of a pulled muscle and stuff like that. it's important to read all the safety information you can get your hands on before playing!! even if you plan on being the one getting tied up, you should still read about how to play safely with ropes so that you can keep yourself safe from rope tops who don't know what the fuck they're doing.

This is all some really good information I’ve also never heard of hemp ropes so I definitely wanna look into this more!

Are there any other plays that you prefer and some that you would stay away from?

like plays in general, or specifically related to rope?

Plays in general.

hmm, I enjoy a lot of things, but I guess one thing I like is impact play. for me, pain is translated as pleasure, so I like spanking, flogging, and caning. the cane really hurts though, gotta save that one for the end of the session when I'm warmed up! my dom likes wax play, so we do that sometimes but it's not my favorite because it doesn't really hurt very much and clean-up is a hassle.

something I want to explore more of is piercing play, which is when needles are temporarily threaded under the skin. I've only tried it once, at a demo someone did at a kink convention, and the endorphin rush made me high on my own brain chemicals for at least an hour.

one thing I don't do is breath play, aka choking or asphyxiation. it feels good in the moment, but the more I read about it the more I'm convinced there's no safe way to do it. not only can you accidentally asphyxiate to death, it can also cause spontaneous heart attacks, sometimes up to a day after the play is over. it's super dangerous and it makes me worried that people often consider it a beginner's play.

I know a lot about the first one and the second one is something I’ve heard about and I find it to be quite pretty to look at as well especially when it comes to things like “back corsets.” Also given sensation I have heard that apparently some people are using dry ice in short seconds of contact through thin layers of cloth to give a burning sensation. I was wondering if you’ve ever heard of that cause I find that to also be something dangerous and wanted your opinion about that.

I completely see where you’re coming from with the breath play that is something increasingly dangerous even if it’s done by a “professional.”

Correction I like corset piercings in general I just remembered the ones I saw that go on the back of you legs.

corset piercings look cool! piercing play is something I'd probably want to learn directly from an experienced player, so I just haven't had the opportunity to do it for real. T__T

dry ice? first time I'm hearing of it, but yeah that sounds risky. it's frozen at -78°C so it'll give you frostbite really quickly if you're not careful. reading up on it, it looks like people use it as an alternative to heat for branding play, which is also pretty far out of my comfort zone. I've seen some pretty bad pictures of brands that get infected, etc because they were done wrong. I think there's probably safer ways to get the sensation of burning with less risk, but I also get that the risk is part of the thrill. honestly, it's still not as bad as breath play -- sure you might lose a finger to frostbite but at least it won't kill you.

there's a lot of discussion in the community on the different merits of SSC (safe, sane, consensual) vs RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) philosophies. people who play SSC-style tend to be more risk-averse than people who play RACK-style, is my understanding. I don't know if that's still how people think about it, I haven't been to a play party since pre-covid.

Yeah I wanna learn how to do piercing play since it’s something interesting to me but if you ever get a chance to do it I would love to hear how it goes for you!

I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that’s risky cause I’ve seen more bad results than good with it and you are 100% right about how breath play is worse in that sense of it being the one that could potentially kill you.

That’s interesting I’ll definitely have to look into that discussion on ssc vs rack. Though I do think I agree with you that ssc is better in the terms that it more focuses on safety in the plays with the intent to limit injury rather that in rack which focuses more on the communication and consent of actions within a play. Consent is important though and from what I saw rack plays are also not as I guess hardcore compared to ssc plays so there is a trade off there.

Did the play parties you went to have any specific themes or styles to them and do you plan or want to go to another?