Just trust your gut! I think you already know what is going to happen
Ya u guess
If he can’t support you and your dream...even if it's been 10 years...you must let it go if not you will have to give up everything and also part of yourself.
Is the length of time you’ve been together, so important that it’s worth suffering into the future simply because of a common past? Beware of nostalgia. Nostalgia can be poisonous sometimes. Nostalgia is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
I mean you've been more than willing to put your aspirations aside for him I'm sure in multiple occasions you have had doubts that have been internalized, honestly leaving the relationship isn't selfish or breaking anything because he never kept any of his own promises. You look out for yourself before you can have someone by your side, they're not there to dictate your life but to support it and compromise a future together. If that isn't bare minimum then walk away head held high. You'll find that person who can support you as you are and the decisions you make along the way regardless of how much time you've spent with someone. Wishing you the best (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
even if he’s not a bad person and you love him, sometimes love alone isn’t enough. romantic relationships aren’t the key to happiness, support and the ability to choose is!! if you’re being put in a situation where you can neither determine the next steps you want to take nor be given support, then that is not a situation that will bring happiness. i’m rooting for you an pray you make the decision that leads you to happiness and ease, rooting for you!!!
Thanks a lot..your replies here really matter a lot to me.. I know what i was doing was the right thing to do but sometimes you feel low and need someone to pat your back and say that...what you did was right...I am so greatful
I didn't read the whole thing, because I'm lazy, but what I can say is I was in a 6-year relationship and we have two kids together, and I still decided to end things, and I am doing better on my own, I am in peace and my mental health is amazing
My brother got married to my sister in law, and then 6 months later moved to a different state to become a doctor. Its been 4 years now, they still visit each other and they still love each other. He's trying to get into a practice where she lives, but if he can't he's trying to get into a practice where her cousins are and where she would have support if she had to move.
Obviously I can't say what would be the best decision for you, however I do think you deserve someone that loves you and wants you to be the best version of yourself that you can. I hope your exams go well!!!!
I think sadly you're not in the position to settle down if your exBF is dilly dallying and not providing the stability EVERYONE expected of him and it might end with you breaking up with him regardless due to resentment if u did decide to stay
I'd say you did make the right decision for yourself because you are providing the stability your exBF hasn't been giving
you keep asking yourself if you're being selfish but isn't your partner being selfish too here? i understand that promises are meant to be honored but compromises can't be completely one-sided, it takes a toll later on... especially, when these promises were made when you were still young and idealistic about real world circumstances.
you can get a transfer to his state if you do get that job but that'd heavily depend on vacancies (and connections). i wouldn't recommend quitting to get married if you don't have the qualifications and experience to get another job that pays similarly or more... bc it's difficult to sustain a family on one person's income and bc having something to fall back on financially is necessary (anyone can get sick or even die, you never know (saying this bc my mami's sister became a widow 2 years ago while she was pregnant bc her husband had a heart attack seemingly out of nowhere)). financial independence is necessary regardless... i'm sure you've read about toxic partners and in-laws in the news, so you should know it's importance.
anyway, it'd be better if you discuss this with your partner thoroughly (without any parents' interference first and then with all parents present) about your current plans and long-term plans before making a decision.
I see where ur coming from
Sis Indian?
Well... I've never been in a relationship so I might not be able to relate to your feelings towards your partner and seeing you've been with him for ten long years he'd be more like a family than a partner so it'll be hard to make a decision, but sis. Marriage isn't the only important thing in life. Neither is having kids. It's being happy with your life.
Let's just say you give up on your dreams, marry him, have kids and end up longing for your dream which makes you unhappy. Well, the other possibility that you could be content with your married life is also there but there are always two possibilities. You should think hard and choose the one with least regrets.
Well if you let me give you an advice out of my selfish misandrist self, I'd say that guy, who ain't ready to give up his hopeless dream for your hopeful one and isn't willing to make a compromise isn't worth giving up your dream for. Why is it that the woman should always give in to the man? Why can't the man give in to the woman he loves for once? He could just move to your state and support your dream since he couldn't clear his own exams. But why is it that he doesn't want you to follow your dreams even when his is now no longer possible but instead wants to bind you to him even if it meant clipping off your wings?
Don't blame yourself or him though. People are inherently selfish and no one is good or bad. Just decide on what will make you happy. Just know that, if the relationship is more of a shackle than a support it's not a good relationship.
i think you made the right decision! consider also if you really want to be with someone who expects you to sacrifice your dreams and passions but is not willing to do the same for you.
So the psychiatrist's suggestion on making a decision got me thinking about something... sorry I'm venting my own problem here..
So, I'm a female have been in relationship with someone since 2016.. at the start of our relationship we decided that we'll get settled together in his state (we belong to 2 different states) where he promised to clear a certain government job.. for which i initially aimed for at my state.. as we thought of getting settled together i gave up on that and took up temporary jobs.. in the mean time he met my parents promised them that he'll get that job he tried for 3 times (last attempt he was not serious) in the span of 5years and he wanted to do something else and started working in a private job... at the same time when he was giving his last attempt..I thought I should try for the same job in my state as I felt it is going no where as my parents wanted stability.. when I started preparing.. exam was near and I cleared preliminary exam and the mains I couldn't clear but I was confident that if i try once more I can do better and can clear it as I have certain advantage of women and we have reservation for the same.. their parents came to know about us recently.. his mom had an idea but she was neutral she didn't agree nor disagree about our relationship... later after his last attempt she talked to me and accepted our relationship and his father also agreed.. when I was giving my first attempt they didn't oppose...(as they felt i couldn't clat it) now I'm thinking of writing the exam again they are completely opposing including my boyfriend, saying if you get a job in your state it will be difficult for us to get settled.. it will be long distance and marriage won't work that way when I didn't agree he compromised to an extent that if I get this job at later point of time if he earns well or do well i should quit this job because marriage, children, family don't work that way.. when I suggested he shift here if i get a job he didn't agree and he and his parents have given me an ultimatum that if i want to get married to him that I stop thinking about getting settled anywhere but his place(state)
Which i and my parents didn't agree and he keeps pestering me that..am i not important to you.. you promised to get settled with me and how heartless you are.. that infact i should clear the exam in his state as it will be easy to be together (it will be tough for me in his state as I have language problem i can communicate well in that language but I not so good at it to compete in the exam)..I know the decision i made now of not compromising with him is right but a part of me is still whether I am being heartless and deciding to end almost 10years relationship just like that... I'm happy my parents are supporting me in anything I choose but the promise I made to him at the start of my relationship has become an obligation and it's not only about the job but my independence and respect... his mother, if we get married have to live together had not at all been supportive or understanding of me in so many ways..I know I am right..he is not a bad person in so many other aspect... and I still think is this the reason for this relationship to end.. just like that..