It really depends on the person. For some people, having multiple lovers over the years is completely normal and nothing unusual, everyone’s experiences and boundaries are different.
But for others, sex is something they can only share when they’re deeply emotionally connected with someone. They need strong feelings: love, trust, or a real bond before being intimate. For people like that, it can be hard to relate to someone who can sleep with partners they weren’t strongly attached to. And if someone says they were “in love” many times, it might come across as less sincere.
As for me personally, I could never fully trust someone who was very casual about sleeping with others or who had many lovers in the past - it just wouldn’t align with my values or what I need in a relationship.
In the end, it really comes down to individual differences. Everyone has their own boundaries, experiences, and comfort levels, and what matters most is finding someone whose values match your own
Ahhhhh, I kind of feel like a sl*t after reading all of this. ╥﹏╥
I once met someone exactly like that. I still remember asking him out and getting rejected. I hadn’t known him for very long, but I genuinely felt something for him, and being turned down really crushed me. I was so embarrassed and hurt that I didn’t even ask why he said “no.”
About wo months later, we saw each other again at a dinner party and ended up talking (after some awkward noises came out of my mouth first). I finally asked him why he rejected me(he was single). He stayed quiet for a moment and then asked if I was seeing someone at the moment........... yes, I was, for about two weeks. That’s when he said:
“That’s exactly why. If I confessed my feelings to someone I loved and they rejected me, I would be grieving for a long time. I definitely wouldn’t be able to go out with someone else right away. That’s the kind of feelings I have, and that’s what I expect from my other half.”
At the time, I thought he was just being a prudish idiot. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to think maybe my way of life is not as good as i thought （/TДT)/
noooo don't let it get to you! I've lived a long, slutty life and missed out on relationships w ppl who were less slutty which made me sad at the time but like.... it would've never worked out anyway. like what kind of crazy person grieves a relationship that never even happened?? did he expect you to swear yourself to eternal celibacy just bc he turned you down?? ppl who fall in love *before* dating are just falling in love with their own mental illusion and aren't prepared to face the reality of who you are as a person.
I feel qualified to speak on this bc I've been w my guy for 6 years now and I only fell in love with him sometime around year 3. we're still in our honeymoon phase and I think we'll be in our honeymoon phase until we die. anyone who claims they feel this strongly before they start dating is delulu in the first degree, like that's a Stage 4 Clinger and I'm getting the hell out lmao
If you say someone is “delulu” just because they feel something deeply for someone, then by that same logic I could say you’re delulu for thinking it’s normal for your feelings to flip after a month or two. How would you feel if your current boyfriend/girlfriend told you they confessed love or like for someone else only a month before confessing to you? Most people wouldn’t exactly feel great about that.
And the whole “expect you to swear eternal celibacy because he turned you down” thing......no, you misunderstood what he meant. That sentence shows the opposite: he didn’t expect anything from her. Because their emotional values were different, he knew a relationship wouldn’t work and didn’t pretend otherwise. That’s not controlling; that’s being honest.
Also, people live in their own emotional realities. Not everyone approaches relationships the way you do, and that’s fine but don’t push your lifestyle as the universally correct or “healthy” one just because you feel “qualified.” Being experienced doesn’t automatically make you right; it just means you lived through things that shaped you.
In my opinion a relationship only works when two people’s emotional rhythms align. So instead of calling one “delulu” and another “slutty” or “weird,” it’s healthier to accept that compatibility isn’t about judging someone it’s about finding someone whose pace matches your own.
1. this wasn't for you, this was for the person getting down on themselves for feeling like a slut.
2. expectations =/= control, where did i even say that ಠ_ಠ
3. i'm a complex human being. if someone has only known me for a month, it's objectively true that they don't *really* know who i am as a person.
3.a. if they *believe* that they really, truly know me as a person after one month.... then they are, objectively, delulu
3.b. if they confess their love to me after knowing me for one month, their love is based on an incomplete picture of who i am.
3.c. my own, personal, subjective opinion is that such "love" is worth very little. this isn't love based on seeing me at my best and my worst, at my stringest and my most vulnerable, at my coolest and my most pathetic. it's love for the illusion of who i am.
people are may disagree and that's totally fine. i want those people far, far away from me. they can date each other and leave me alone! it's a win-win.
4. "How would you feel if your current boyfriend/girlfriend told you they confessed love or like for someone else only a month before confessing to you?" i would feel fine with this 乁_(ツ)_ㄏ unless it was a sign of deeper unresolved issues
5. "a relationship only works when two people's emotional rhythms align". on that we agree! not sure how what i said contradicts that, but clearly we're on the same page here. have a nice day :)
Having 6 lovers with more than 40 years old... isn't that like completely normal..???