Just Don't

If this webtoon has us internally screaming like when we thought Yule was going to die after stabbing himself amongst other moments in the story, then I think the author accomplished what she set out to do —we connected with her story. Not every reader does that. Well, just my opinion. (=・ω・=)

The stair imagery features throughout

- Geon's perspective on their mother's death
1) http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-22/pg-1/
2) http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-27/pg-1/
- Yule's perspective on their mother's death
http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-64/pg-1/

- Kyung-soo &Yule on the stairs and introducing themselves
1) http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-26/pg-1/
2) Kyung-soo's perspective http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-29/pg-1/
3) http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-58/pg-1/
4) http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-66/pg-1/
(the scene where Kyung-soo asks him out is later in the timeline at chapter 1)

- Yule pushing his brother down the stairs
first time http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/c025/1/
second time http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/c043/1/

- Kyung-soo & Geon
http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-34/pg-1/

Ah thanks for cataloging all the stair scenes <3. After seeing all the different scenes it really puts it into perspective what happened that cursed day.

I was not just internally screaming at that scene I was crying too. most of my internal screaming was done in the rape scenes. T_T

I cried at the part when Yule self-reflected about the staircase incident. Obviously not for Yule, but at how innocent and sweet Kyungsoo was at confessing and then Yule had to go and destroy everything...grr. Yeah, that stabbing scene was...rather influential, haha. I couldn’t stand the rape scenes...just no, I had to take an antiemetic for the rape scenes with Geon (just.....too damn brutal and hurtful). Did you find yourself go “what the hell?” during some scenes? I definitely did.

Ditto~ Thank you @clouds. Although, I admit I skipped parts with Geon. XD

Ah yes the most brutal parts for me is definately the first yule's gangrape by friends scene. It just started right off the bat in 1st FUCKING CHAPTER!!!! he was so gentle and caring before i was so shocked i couldn't even grasp what was even happening.. WHYYYY DID YOU DO THAT YULE!!!!. and geon's 5 days of rape chapters. It was so painful to read those chapters. I was like how long do i have to endure this. That rape and torture made me sick. I almost coudn't eat because of my anxiety (and gag reflex) during those chapters. :(

The haunting parts I found, was the second time Yule raped him and the detail of Kyung-soo having his hand gripped by Yule and reflecting back on their happier times, as the action mimicked them, asking himself if sex was ever so painful. Unlike with the other two men, and Yule's friends, there wasn't that level of attachment, so there wasn't this betrayal of trust and more conflicting emotions. Kyung-soo staring into Yule's face, thinking is this the person I once loved?

Omg, chapter 1 was heartbreaking... when Kyungsoo cried out/screamed out for Yule. It was like you could feel the pain, anguish, heartbreak in his plead for Yule. ( T﹏T ). We are taught to value and help lives, but grrr...I wanted to bloody murder all three of Yule’s friends and Geon (╬￣皿￣)凸. Ahem, I apologise for that unsightliness.

Yeah, those 5 days of rape and torture made me sick to my stomach too and I had nightmares for days. 1st time reading: sick to stomach, took meds, couldn’t eat. 2nd time reading: nightmares...like could not sleep. 3rd time reading: anger... I just wanted to bloody murder Geon and Yule gets points from me for kicking him down the stairs. At least after the third time, I learned to skip chapters 35 to 42. I hope you are feeling better now after reading/enduring those chapters. Now you can skip them if you choose to reread. (●'◡'●)

Honestly, Yule is a smug idiot. He had Kyungsoo’s love for him and well, you cannot turn back time.

You know i felt really sad when kyungsoo was having nightmares of past... his hand trembling due to anxiety. I get anxious too but not that horrible. I don't even have a beef bulgogi guy to remember when i get anxious *cries internally*. Well i am better now but this manga will haunt me forever. I'm not ready to re read this right now. maybe a month later i will.

Hmm...now that you mentioned this, maybe Yule holding/touching Kyungsoo’s has some significance to him?

Like here when Yule placed his hand on Kyungsoo’s whilst he was being raped: http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/c005/5/

And the second time Yule raped him like you mentioned: http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/c011/28/

Then Yule gets tremors: http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/hogu_hagyeongsu/mf/iur_chapter-67/pg-16/

So, IIRC Geon asked Kyungsoo if he was able to endure 3 guys raping him simultaneously because Yule was there and I think that maybe partially, he was able to because Yule held down his hand. Because Yule touched Kyungsoo’s hand, it made the betrayal of trust between the two even much more heartbreaking and excruciating to Kyungsoo. Because...IMO, the person you loved and trusted is physically there, but they stood by and let you get broken, hurt, etc. They held your hand as if to mock you of their presence and betrayal. So Kyungsoo had hand tremors because of...well, PTSD and because it reminds him of the times when Yule placed his hand on his... but it was a reminder of betrayal. And as for Yule, haha, I think of it as karmic influence, that the hand he used to hold Kyungsoo’s hand is now trembling because he gets to experience anxiety or a little bit of what he put Kyungsoo through.

Yeah, that look on Kyungsoo’s face when he looked at Yule with that realization was...haunting. (⊙…⊙ ) IMO, the author does an awesome job of portraying Kyungsoo’s emotions.

To be honest, I don’t see why Kyungsoo was attracted to Yule. Kyungsoo looks innocent and like a good person whilst Yule looked...like trouble, someone you should stay away from, and a polar opposite to Kyungsoo. Yule mentioned it was because of his face. Well...he has an attractive, good looking face, but really, Kyungsoo did not give me the impression of being shallow and dating someone based on looks.

I felt really sad too...but in the original open ending, we saw that Kyungsoo no longer had the tremors and the nightmares.. (●'◡'●) I am sorry about your anxiety. It really sux.... I wish there was something in this world, like a magical healing wand that could cure anxiety, depression, neurological disorders, etc. (︶︿︶)

When you become anxious, maybe you can try carrying something with you and then mentally transferring those anxious thoughts to that object. I don’t know what your anxiety is like, so I do not want to overstep with what I say, but if I can help you in any way, let me know anytime (^w^).

Yeah~ my view on life changed a second time after reading this webtoon lolness... for a future reread, you can skip those Geon chapters to avoid feeling bad?

You remember what kyungsoo said when he first met yule (ON THE STAIRCASE!! AHH HH THE PAIN). He said such sad eyes. I think that was love at first sight for kyungsoo. But little did he know that he will have much sadder eyes once yule breaks him. Yeah and as you mentioned yule's hand trembling was a weird thing. Maybe the author tried to portray yule in more humane light.

Haha i also wish there was a magical healing wand that could cure anxiety, depression. Well my anxiety is not that bad (Thanks for caring sister <3 <3). It's pretty manageable. Mostly it's just social anxiety and when i read mangas like these. When i become anxious i just go on the roof and take some deep breaths it calms me. So everything is quite okay for me. Also i want to skip those chapters but i probably won't. I'm always like this (WHYYYYYY) i want to experience the full thing again. Not experiencing geon's chapters will make it less impacting for me. If i re read i will go through the full pain agian. maybe i'll just read geons part a little faster this time so i don't dwell on it too long. XD

I think Yule’s hand trembling was a way of showing us that subconsciously, he was “aware” of what he did to Kyungsoo. After all, it was Yule’s hand that held Kyungsoo’s during the gangrape and during when he raped Kyungsoo. It is like a “connection” between them. It is hard to explain, but when we experience something that leaves an imprint on us, even if we tried to suppress it, it manifests without us actually realising it. Like in Royal Servant when Ryan pats Christoph’s head, he interpreted as a sign of affection and something he treasured, compared to if someone just touched him on the shoulder, etc. Remember, he did not want to be touched. So, subconsciously, Yule does feel “something” about what he did to Kyungsoo, it just did not reach his conscious level yet, hence why his hand that touched Kyungsoo’s was trembling. I don’t know— just my interpretation. (⌒▽⌒)

And yeah, Kyungsoo had so much pure affection for Yule— he saw past Yule’s attractive appearance to see that Yule had sad eyes, and during the time they slept together, he even pat Yule’s head to calm him down. Well, Yule’s a self-destructive idiot...he had Kyungsoo’s love.

i should read this earlier