
Like, for real reading this, there's just a cloud of bad, terrible expectation for things to go wrong. And I really don't know where it comes from. The art is not the kind that reveals dark intentions after all, and most of the time nothing that bad is happening? This author truly is great, and their work is a masterpiece because there's something in it that disturbs your equilibrium. I was prepared for the ending to be worse than it was, the anticipation was practically about to gauge my organs out, and I kept repeating that if they commit double suicide I'll be able to allow that much, but anything more and I'd be gone from this world. In that sense I was glad and not betrayed. Which is good. I just really love the story, but even so the need to know more is eating away at me. The pretty, long haired blonde, with the eyebrow piercing, I want to know why he did it and why there was hints about him being possessive to Gusam. I want to know how it happened, I want to know how come the case completely skipped him over and how they even included the camera pic. I want to know why Gusam was homeless in the first place. I want to know what happened after their suicide I want to know I want to know I want to know.
No matter how perfect I find the execution of the plot, the storyline, the choice to make the case a complete mystery, and almost entirely exclude the actual murder from the story.. But it makes me hungry for those details.
The fact that this is basically the only work this author has is a major loss. Fuck lezhin cause it seems like the whole situation back then is probs the rsn--->just me guessing no sources. But if anyone knows the author's acc on legit anything please drop it in the replies.

Ahhh, the charas in this one are really well roundeddd. Tbo I'm more into codependence and pathological connection so if it's on the table I tend to chose that plate, so long as there is devotion galore ganache. That, and taste in character design got Jihyun to be my choice of the 2 semes. Dark and tattoos and you're-the-only-one-I-have mentality.
That being said I really LOVE that he didn't end up with Chiwoo. No matter what he did try to rape him, repeatedly isolated and continuously manipulated and guilt tripped him. He truly is a product of his environment and couldn't dig himself out of it, which is why they ended up strangers instead of partners.
Kyujin on the other hand, seems like an alternate version of Jihyun, albeit toned down. With a better childhood and a healthier mindset.
The story itself gives a lot more depth and flesh to the relationship between Jihyun and Chiwoo. Their connection seems much more charged and electric, which is exactly the appeal of a toxic relationship. It always looks like it'd be perfect, if only it was one step to the left. And so it's easy to lose yourself in it. If only instead of escalating during the long years of their friendship, Jihyun could've grown more grounded. But with the amount of forgiveness Chiwoo gave him, the unconditional acceptance of his ever escalating outbursts and the lack of any real repercussions, he never saw the need and took that acceptance as the natural state of their relationship. They were bad for each other and addicted to each other and great on paper. It's not a good thing to only have one person, but the appeal of it is so often focused on, you tend to be unaware of the mountain of problems behind that one golden speck. There were so many chances for Jihyun to turn around, so many chances he could've taken and things wouldn't have come to this. The time he saw Chiwoo mssging a girl, he could've spoken about his feelings, same to the time with the hoobae. And that night, when he got drunk, he had so many chances to stop, to beg for forgiveness, and then finally to take him to the hospital. Yet he didn't take a single one. When they met again, he should have groveled and got on his knees, but he didn't see the atrociousness of his past actions, he didn't see what he'd done as any worse than sleeping with a girl Chiwoo was flirting with. He didn't see it as something to regret or feel bad about. So focused on his own wants, on his own desires, on his own pain, he couldn't see the effect it had on the person he claimed to love. Both of them were afraid of changing, but Jihyun blamed and resented Chiwoo for not taking a step forward and he even hated him for it, ignoring the fact that his possessiveness and outbursts of jealousy and the reluctance he showed in all moments he expressed his love, were the reasons for it. He would focus on the good between them, on the doting and the giving in and the highs. He focused on the fact that the happy times were more numerous, and ignored the seriousness of the bad aspects of their relationship.
Meanwhile Kyujin and Chiwoo don't get the spotlight as much, or rather, their relationship isn't as impactful on the reader. There's sweetness and gentleness but it's not as memorable, not as grand. And that's exactly what makes it more appealing to Chiwoo. He does see Jihyun in him at first. A softer version that's not as jaded nor as oppressive. And then he sees that Kyujin is all that Jihyun is not, and what Jihyun is Kyujin will never be. While they are similarly interested in Chiwoo, dote on him and pay attention to him, treat him differently to how they treat others, are very touchy feely. Kyujin has friends he's actually close with, and not followers, he's persistent yet instead of monopolizing him, he tries to get Chiwoo to become closer with others. And while he does tend to avoid him when he feels somewhat negative, he doesn't lash out or isolate him. He doesn't make a move than back out or cover it up with a joke or under the pretense of friendly interaction. He's honest and has self control and knows not to force his own way. And little by little that kind of thing changes your perception.
And so, while one keeps escalating and trying to mold you and control you, the other is steady and gives you freedom and walks in your pace.
It's also great that Jihyun is marked for life because of what he did, he can never escape the him who destroyed the person he loves and will never be forgiven for it. He'll suffer his whole life because of it. Ah, makes me smile so wide. Even when down the line he ends up happy because, despite everything he does deserve it, he still shouldn't forget what he did, and it's best if during those times it comes back to him in nightmares, not to mention it'd be especially great if when enough time passes that Chiwoo's face starts to blur in his memories, and his voice is distorted, he still remembers the exact words spoken in that hospital room, and the response he got when he requested a final hug in the continuation.
I mean, I want her to accept herself and be freed from her complexes. Instead of just turning skinny and BCS of that happy. Like, don't want it to be skinny is a qualification for happiness and a nice life.