花's Topics (221)

Will do

You didn't

Huh? It's a humor points for the 2 daddies...

AHAHHAHA felix got a long way before he finds out

You bet! lol

Hey. Felix will get there too OK it's just going to take a second

EXACTLY

honestly like i hate him because he’s pissing me off but i’m still trying to hold on to my team yahwi side

I'm team Yahwi too but sometimes he makes me dizzy bc of his rollercoaster attitude towards Jooin.

Tho his bitchy character made him hotter lol
Let's see... back to square 1 again.

Y’know sometimes friend can also break your heart. It’s hurt more than a break up.

Yeah, agree.

Ikr. I thought it gonna feel like being pushed by the wave but my whole world crumbling down. It was so hard to forget and the pain was unbearable. I cried almost every night because i felt so miserable. Never again i will put myself in those kind of pain. Its okay if i dont have best friend anymore.

I used to have a lot of bestfriends when I was young but as time went by, they keep disappearing from my sight one by one. We lost contact and if we ever meet again, we’ll probably walk pass each other like a stranger. our time we spent together is only temporary and it’s just so sad ;’) but I’m a grown-up now so I’m getting used to loneliness and not having anyone by my side or friends. I believe that if I keep making more memories with people, it’s going to stuck in my head like before. Unable to forget the memories that we make, unable to move on from the person who is already disappeared from your side. No, I don’t want to go through this kind of nightmare again. I’ll be fine on my own cuz that what life is supposed to be...

During my teens I always want to please my bestfriends even though its so obvious that they don't care a fuck. Now I'm an adult, I don't give a damn anymore. They can disappear whenever they want. My self respect is more valuable than they're fake smile. I'm not mad at them, I matured and got tired. Hehe

Im not that good in english

So do I, ngl but the more you grow up the more you easily get tired. Tired and exhausted ~ or even losing interest in things especially in living.

Yeah its suck because the memories keep tormenting and reminded what had been lost.

Tbh i lost my friend because they betrayed my trust. I should've seen it coming but i was in denial and keep trying to fix our broken friend ship. It was so one sided because i was to stupid to read between the line. I guess i wasnt as funny or out going like other person. She the one who betray my trust but she make it like it was my fault. Its almost destroy me because i thought she were the one who will stay in my life for a long time but she broke my trust and abandoned me.
I was never good at making friend since i was a child because people scared me. Its been years but it still hurting me.

Yeah. Im thankful that you found value in your life. Being a teenager just open up my old wound because we were so stupid and naive back then

Even now when im an adult, i just dont trust people anymore.

I’m also afraid of people. People these day are unexpected and cruel. You don’t know about their true color. And when you realize you spend your precious time on a wrong person it left you with many regrets. It’s also depressing, when you found out that your special person didn’t think the same way as you. You’re just like a normal person to them while they’re your special one.

I know right. And its make me feel stupid for some reason. Because u still miss them after going through all that. Like damm, i would take her back in a heartbeat if she ever apologizes to me. Thats how stupid i was but now i dont even let people close. If i found myself getting attach or felt happy slightly toward someone, i tend to push them away or hoping they will leave me so i can just get over it u know.

Tbh i dont think marrige even possible for me
Because i will expect that person to leave me sooner or later. Can u imagine that?
What the point of that if i just get miserable right?

We’re both the same. I like to distance myself from people not becuz I’m unfriendly. I choose to stay at home rather than going outside or meeting new people. Honestly, I don’t want to make friends or meet new people anymore. Moreover, I don’t think I’ll ever get married. Plus I’m aromantic and asexual I don’t attract to both genders and I’m also unattractive myself.

Dude. We really thinking about the same thing. Tbh i tried but it just feel like i wasted my precious time. Im busy enough with work to invested my time to someone uncertain.
But for me my family was pressuring me to find someone so i can get married
But where can i get someone that be okay if i didnt love him, doesnt share the same room and will stay out of my Business.

At this point of my life it really hard for me to try to love someone. So i gave up

That what we been telling ourself right? To justify being single we just settle to ourself that we are unattractive. But if that was your sexual orentation then i will respect it.

Beauty is subjective and depends on people perspective. Although i never met u,
I hope someday people will see your inner beauty and that you will gain confident in yourself.

I also dont think that im pretty but enough people already criticize and betitle me so i dont need the person inside the mirror to judge and bring me down to. Im still learning to love myself, to put myself above everyone else and be a little confident.

Yeah it’s nice learning to love yourself. For me I don’t think I can hahah

you might have the kind of depression that doesn't get better with time, but usually needs to be treated with meds. It can't hurt to check it out with a psychiatrist.

I'm going to assume you guys are pretty young. Saying these things about staying away from people to avoid getting hurt... do you realize that you're demonstrating a marked lack of resilience?
You're coming from a place most people either never get to or only get to late in life after many painful relationships.
If you're young and saying these extremely obvious signs of real problems, you should seek out helpful solutions. What you must absolutely not do is drop out of the human race and become a stay-home zombie. You'll miss out on life's greatest pleasures. The painful bits are worth it in light of the benefits of having and seeking human relationships. find another friend. there's plenty of candidates for this.
I hate sounding like I'm giving advice, but, man, there are too many "I'm not strong" statements here.

I’m 17 this year. So yeah you could say that I’m still young. Ik it’s a sign of depression too but I’m afraid to accept that I’m depressed Or people will hate me or saying that I’m dramatic. I’m suicidal, and have been attempted to end my life for countless time since I was young. I started to hate myself since 2015. It’s tough to love and care for somebody else when you don’t even know how to love yourself. So you see that’s why I’m not so good with people. I don’t really open up to people much nor wanting to meet new people. I’d rather shut myself in the dark room alone. I’ve always wanted to escape reality forever but unfortunately, I can only do it for temporary by reading BL and watching anime. I I feel much better by doing so. Reality is scary for me. I usually skip school becuz of that.

so, hey there. Is there any way you can get yourself to a psychiatrist? There may not be anything wrong with your attitude or personality. This could all just be brain chemistry, something that's not your fault. They're making some impressive new drugs to help people who have this illness called depression. It's serious. It doesn't mean you're dramatic, and if someone hates you for it, that's their problem, not yours. Honestly, I think BL and anime is a good escape, lol, and it produces massive amounts of dopamine, the feel-good drug your brain makes. Some people have brains that don't make enough of it at times.
Depression is the number one cause of suicide.
You might even be able to talk with a psychiatrist online or teleconference, which means you don't even have to leave your room. It has to be a psychiatrist because they're the only ones who can give you the right antidepressant drug. Imagine feeling a lot better and happier from getting an illness taken care of. This isn't your fault, you know..

17 isn't a grown up, no disrespect intended there. You're being too hard on yourself. Your parents are still supposed to be taking care of you, that includes treating an illness by taking you to a doctor. You don't deserve to feel this way. Also, maybe put the aromantic asexual stuff and all that on the backburner. Jeez, you're way too young to label yourself that way. Believe me, you don't want to miss out on sex, life's greatest pleasure. If you don't feel anything, that's depression, if you don't feel anything sexually, that's something a doctor can help with. They can give you hormone cream or whatever to fix that, but you have to tell them or they can't help out. IMO forget about how you need to love yourself. lol What does that shit even mean? LOL To me, it seems like you're putting too many things on yourself to figure out, and there are other people whose responsibility it is to get you through all this. You shouldn't be facing this shit all by yourself as if you're a 45 year old person or something.

Well at some point we all gonna die right. Tbh its a lie if i said death never crossed my mind. I even sometime wishes to dissappear or never woke up from my sleep. I wouldnt call my condition is a depression because im not lacking anything. Im just a little sad and empty. I know i wouldnt commit suicide or get to that point because everyone kinda go through this kind of situation. I just dont have courage to be vulnerable again nor trust people again. I've tried again and again to fix my trust issue and to fix my behavior around people to make it easy for me to blend in-
It just didnt work. I join clubs and sports club to get out of my confort zone but it just make me miserable and alone. It was painful for me but i stay till the end and it still didnt working up for me. Sometime i even felt stupid for trying so hurt because it didnt worth it.

Maybe there is something wrong with me and i already accept that. No one can use your weakness against you if you accept it first.

It's not just me stupidly theorizing, it's well established that thinking about suicide, feeling sad and empty inside... these are strong symptoms of depression. You don't necessarily have to feel terrible. If you find yourself thinking about these things, you can recognize these symptoms and seek treatment for them. Does that make sense? Like you, I also know I wouldn't commit suicide, but that doesn't mean that when I think about it I'm not depressed.
Not everyone goes through what you're going through. In fact most people don't. Everyone's going to tell you stupid shit like, "sure I get a little depressed sometimes, but I just get busy till it goes away." I think most people will have this attitude, but it's a bad, prejudiced attitude, and it's their ignorance. They don't understand what actual depression is so they strongly reject the idea that other people have a serious illness that is nothing like their "getting busy to cure depression" stupid shit is. Not taking people with depression seriously is a real failing on the part of our society.
You shouldn't have to be fixing your trust issues and behavior. Your parents are supposed to be there for you. for chrissakes you're only seventeen. People in their nineties are still trying to fix their trust issues. No one ever really conquers their trust issues. Lack of trust is built into your basic survival drive. Everyone has these trust issues. You're smart to be cautious and untrusting. It's a self-protection, so there's no reason to think there's something wrong with you just because you have trust issues. Don't fuking trust anyone with your private shit that they could hurt you with. not anyone.
Maybe sports is not for you. So what? lol Screw sports. At seventeen you have the right to explore everything and anything, and to make a fool of yourself, make collossal mistakes. It's even expected of you. Really, no matter what age you are, doing shit that embarrasses you is probably a positive characteristic, not a negative one.
People say a lot of things like "Just be yourself" "No one can use your weakness against you if you accept it first" "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else" "You have to get out of my comfort zone" You can drive yourself nuts trying to do all these things people say. Some of it is utter bullshit. Most of these things people say are total crap. You CAN absolutely love someone else before you love yourself. In fact, you're ready to love someone and be loved right now, as you are. You don't need any improvements or preparations.
I have no idea what "accept yourself" means. lmao Sure as hell there's a lot of shit I don't accept about myself. TNo one wholly accepts themselves.
Shit, don't listen to people when they say stuff that sounds like the same phrase everyone else is saying. That stuff is almost always crap.

Wait. you didn't say you were seventeen, did you. Sorry sorry. Still, all this crap I said still applies.

lol sorry for the long posts. okay, This stuff isn't from someone who is your age but ever so superior in wisdom. LOL Nooo. I'm probably a little older, so please don't think I'm being a superior ass. I'm a bastard who has made plenty of mistakes so .... and anyway, I'm not always right, just most of the time. lol

Im not seventeen lol. Im early twenty and fully funtional adult. I dont have the privilage to just sit around and stuck in my room because im kinda have to be responsible adult?

Since i have a lot of siblings i've never depend on my parents because they kinda closed minded? They never had the time for me and sometime i even felt guilty to ask anything from them because they have alot on their plate. I even got scholarship during high school because i hate being a burden eventhough i hate studing my ass off. I never felt loved from them thats why i barely talked about my issue to them. My mom always told me i was a dissapointment sometime i wide awake at night wondering why am i alive. Thats why i sort get too attached to my friend during highschool.

Well maybe sport isnt for me then. At least i can comfort myself that i always tried to change even if the result doesnt change.

In my opinion accepting yourself is to accept your flaws. So that when people criticize me it wont break my heart. Maybe i was in denial. Maybe it was my coping mechanism.


Btw thank you so much for replying. I never get to talk about this issue to anyone because it embarassing and i hate being vulnarable. I also afraid people will saying that im just attention seekers or any bullshit like that. To get this off my chest is refreshing.


Tbh i once talked about my issue at home to my school counselor and it make me felt terrible. I told her i was sad and i dont understand why my parents never satisfied with anything i did.why they keep comparing me with my other people. I never asked to be born. She told me that i might be the problem. Maybe i did something wrong. Thats why i was treated that way. I was at the lowest point on my life that time bcs i lost my friend and hearing that i was the problem kinda destroy my self esteem. I cried almost every night back then.

Since then i sort get attach to my phone instead of with people. I distract myself with novel, manga, anime, kpop k drama and many more.

that counselor needed to fire herself. lol I don't think you need a reason to be alive. LOL I notice that squirrels never seem to feel they need to justify their existence. lmao.

Well maybe she just bad at it. Im sure she getting better at her job now, im just unlucky.Im living because i cant die. It so hard to wake up every moring and force myself to be fully funtional adult when all i want to do is lay on my bed and not getting up. But being a zombie shut in kinda suffocating because without human contact, you just get more miserable and depressed. I know this Because during my first year at University i shut everyone out. I dont talk to anyone and being completely alone. When i started hearing voices in my head is the moment i start talking to other people. Because it scared the shit out of me. I wish i can be as carefree as a squirrels. Being human just to complicated because we think to much.