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That kills me

This is definitely not a review on the story, but more so on my personal reading experience.

It's such a heavy story, but feels so hollow which I'm thinking is bc of the art style. It's like I'm chasing a fading dream that I struggle to grasp any of it.

I just feel so hollow after the whole thing. It's so weird to me that I felt the most heaviness for the president, after he had found out about the illness. I didn't like him at all for the constant cheating. Hell, in theory I despise him the most. But the mc's resignation, the acceptance of their ending before it could be closed mutually on both sides, it's so??? cruel. Yet so well-deserved. And for some reason that makes me feel sympathy for the president.

I think the translation didn't help. I should really read it again from a better source to get a better understanding of it. Heck, I should really read the novel. I just feel so hollow after the whole thing. Everybody's saying they were sobbing, and while I understand that it's sad, I didn't even shed a single tear. I wish to be sad about this too. I thirst for the sadness.

(positive)

I'm not yet reading and didnt wanna spoil myself but I did notice a gap in the upload dates, just wondering

I would quit my job bro

It actually felt like it was trying too hard with the "heavy" parts. Left a bad taste in the mouth. I wish they just kept it light all throughout tbh

"If I'm correct, the last chapter I remember was around when the ml laughed hard at the mc in the hallways?? Or the pink hair guy being at the same hotel as mc?? I can't remember which chapter I stopped reading from and I didn't even have it bookmarked"

?

in my head but then there's not enough chapters so first season ends eventually and it goes on a long break which means I'll forget about it all no matter how much I loved it so when the next season comes I have no idea who any of the characters are or what the story is about and it ends up on my notifications whenever it gets an update and every time I'll be like "YEAH I remember really loving that at some point but I don't remember any of it now–I'll have to reread from the first chapter to catch up but the task doesn't seem so inviting and I know I won't get any dopamine doing that because I don't really enjoy reading the same thing twice so maybe, maybe later" and Surprise, surprise, I never get around to it and the bl just haunts my notifications like a ghost of the past–

And yeah I think this is a good time to nope the fuck outta here but this is a love letter. I really loved you Yang Ilwoo and I during the 30 minutes I was with you today 20th November. Goodbye, I hope I won't miss you too much and I hope the best for you. I will come back someday (I hope)

It's not even about where hyungnim had kissed him, this is a prince we're talking about! His body is "royal", and for a mere scholar to place his lips anywhere near that body just means he crossed a line: he went against everything he knew–the teachings, the rules, the traditions–and let his affections for him win. And he knew it was wrong because he could only do it when chang geon is asleep, and the fact that he had drugged him too?! Double whammy. !! It's so conflicting, because by the act of kissing he admitted to himself that he had felt SOMETHING (whatever it was he felt is another matter entirely) and by doing it unbeknownst to chang geon is another admission in itself–that he couldn't let chang geon know!

I'm so conflicted. I wouldn't call it romantic love at this point, only a sense of ownership and possessiveness over someone that's impossible to be his. Which, at this point is not yet mirrored by Chang geon, because the kid lets go of hyungnim and even roots for his happiness, and YET by setting chang geon free albeit cowardly he unlocks something in chang geon which causes the boy to thirst for power. And I'm not at all victim-blaming, but this comes back to him later down the road and we all know how that ends. The irony of it all.

(Also, wtf was he running away from—why was there a need to end it this way, why even drug chang geon at all (((IS IT DESIRE !!!!))))

??

But uh, I'm sorry sir, I wasn't familiar with your game

Before the crash happened I was still hoping Kiseong can claim insanity over the murder, like he's still a minor, maybe he can go to juvie or the psycho ward but not this shit poor baby has suffered so much omg, like he knows his sister will protect him, he's seen it with his own eyes, and he's finally willing to open up to her but fuck, inseop just had to drive him to his lowest... the way Kiseong said "I'm sorry" before running into incoming traffic I'm heartbroken actually

I'm still hoping he'll live but I just can't see Inseop letting him live even if he survives the crash.

And not in a "I'm so lonely I just want to fall in love with someone" way but more so like "I wanna know if I'm even capable of loving" like it's not a search for someone, but for a someTHING in the internal, existential sense. An aromantic type beat

I know I envy him.

Anyway, this Rotten hasn't violated our MC (yet), he keeps him out of the rain, and even embraces him in a blanket to keep him warm? This felt like a pat on the head. Let's keep it this way, no?

(positive)

It was so satisfying bruhhh

Dunno why I marked it as read back in 2020 but after reading it today I realized I hadn't read it back then. But yes.

This was a good read for me because the characters and their motivations are well fleshed-out. It's to the point where you read this, point to any of the main characters, say "I didn't like it when you did this, that wasn't very nice of you...but also I understand." The characters are really well developed and they had growth at the end of the story.

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