But not for the mc if he won't choose him...?
Just to know how deranged the mf is
From a writer's perspective, it's an interesting choice to have top be so in awe of ml's wisdom just for him to ignore everything bot preaches. Like, there's just no redeeming this guy. He's impenetrable. But if you ask me, top's obsession with bot being the reason he's become so deranged is kinda hot ngl bc I cannot even fathom that happening to me, ever (being obsessed with someone to the point of insanity). That's something I would only get to see in fiction. I wonder how far the author would take him. Praying for hyungnim
I just want to jump right back in and read again. It was so beautiful.
And everything had disappeared lmao
Like who's the guy with the silver hair in the last panel how did he suddenly spawn there tf?
That was hot and all but I was unusually disturbed (I rly thought I was immune to it now) by the toilet that it kept bothering me. Why is the toilet lid up!!! And why are you putting your hand on (IN!!) the toilet !!!
I think that by choosing to read a story in which a character is a prostitute, you automatically sign up for a story where most of the smut is probably noncon. I think I got over that quickly by accepting that this is the nature of this story, and that it's also probably true to unfortunate real-life situations.
Nevertheless, this manhwa does the opposite of romanticizing rape like so many of us are afraid some if not most smutty bls are doing, but it does so in such a way that Changil is able to own it and be lighthearted (dunno if that's the word I'm looking for) with the way he addresses it.
What I love the most about this is is the dialogue. The way the characters speak (mostly Changil and Yona) is fun, comedic, that there are times I forget I was reading a pretty dark story. But I think that's the beauty in it: it's such a painful story that it would have been hard to swallow without the comedy.
I don't think this is a perfect bl by any means. It was scary, painful, off-putting, and bitter, but at the same time it was also fun, relatable, and sweet. It was such a journey, that, you kind of forget that these are still youth (26 is still young, and Changil had stunted growth given his background), such pure babies (my babieees) despite what they've been through. And then you're reminded at the end that that's what they are. That's what the author was intending to end the story with: two people who are only beginning to love and to be loved (inspite of all that has happened) and isn't that beautiful?
I'm also not going to try to psychoanalyze Sangtaek and James. Sometimes people are just freaks and groomers, and sometimes they aren't meant to be more than just the horrible people that they are.
The gaejusshi's side story I recommend skipping unless you want the smut. My opinion of him won't be changed even if it's an "alternate" ending given what I know of him in the main story.
I'll give this upwards of 6 months before I forget everything about it and then I'll read it again (but let's be honest it will probably be 2 years)
Lastly the art is just gorgeous!
Edit: Just wanted to point out probably the most painful part of this story for me: Both Yona and Changil were exposed to the red-light district from young. These guys were, to some extent, numbed to the horrors of the reality they lived in. Either they were unaware or they had no other "normal" to which they can compare their experiences to and say "this is not right." like some if not most of us had the luck of having.
Yona was peeping at Changil doing SW, and didn't think much of the nature of his desires for Changil until he saw Yona being held captive and graped by Sangtaek (ch 17/19 was it? I CRIED) because it's all he's known his whole life. Suddenly he felt guilt for being just the same as the others while also recognizing that he was different. This change in his mindset is reflected in his character design, which is why he changed so drastically in such a short time. He looked like a child in the first chapters.
And Changil, my god, he hated doing SW from the beginning, but while he was in it, he thought nothing of it. It was so baffling as an outsider that he thought of it as just opening his legs or his mouth for some guy in exchange for money. It was all non-consensual ((another point that needs to be explored imo: Is SW always consensual bc you're getting paid for it?)) It was so painful when the first time we see him really actually internalize what was being done to him was when he got violated by James after Sangtaek captured him, and it was only bc he had his experience with Yona to compare it with. It's so </3
