Azusa's Topics (211)

I think it’s the fact that seme treated him like an object, lied to him (about not knowing German) in the hopes of fulfilling his conquest of sleeping with him. The only reason he had interest in him was because he saw no more in him than somebody he just had to sleep with (since he was one of the only guys to reject him). Of course, his feelings developed further than that, but seme wouldn’t have felt any remorse for his actions had that not happened. He also kept up the secret when their feelings were growing (adding to the feeling of betrayal that uke felt.) just because he didn’t rape him or abuse him doesn’t mean he did no wrong, me personally I would react the same way uke did in that situation lol also sorry if this is long and doesn’t make sense, I’m replying to this way past the time I should be asleep hahaha

Seme treated Uke like an object because he thought uke was a whore. (Uke's twin is the real whore)

You explained it really well but what I still don't get is why the uke is mad right now. Yeah, seme was a fuckboy at the start but the thing with the twin was uncovered pretty early on and the uke still slept with him, so I thought we moved past that one. Also I don't remember clearly but didn't the seme apologize for that already?
And regarding the lie about him knowing german, wasn't the uke feeling guilty about not actually tutoring seme before and instead having sex with him (consensually)? Honestly, if it was me, I'd be a little irritated about the lie but overall I'd feel flattered because someone wants to see me so bad that they're making up a reason and even paying me. Usually I need to run after people just to keep in contact. Anyways, if uke was this upset over the lie, then he'd be a hypocrite because he also hides stuff from the seme (which might not be an active lie but it's also not being truthful).
I don't understand why uke ever slept with seme in the first place because he doesn't seem to have any feelings for him (bc if he did, he should at least try to work it out with seme but he's just cold af), and he also didn't like feeling like a prostitute, so he also didn't do it for the money.
The last theory I have is that uke was hurt by the seme possibly leaving him, thinking he didn't love him BUT if that was the case, he should've caved when the seme said he can't live without him.
So uke's behavior still makes no sense to me. ┗( T﹏T )┛

Yeah but that was ages ago. And uke had sex with seme multiple times since then. So why would he be upset about this now?

Im also confused because yes he was sexually attracted to who he thought was him but lied about German to spend time with him after being turned down for a date and then had sex with him after he already starting liking him. Like was there ever a moment where he said or thought that he just wanted to sleep with him and was using the German as an excuse to do that

I think you're missing the part where dajun actually developed a crush on Uigun at the beginning. Even tho he was not gay, he allowed Uigun to do those things to him cuz he liked him, thats why he brought flowers to his performance and hung out with him. Despite of that, Uigun called him a whore and mistreated him multiple times. Dajun truly stopped liking Uigun when he found out that the twin was in the picture and that Dajun mistook him for his brother and he decided to cut him off after he realized their entire relationship was built on a lie and that Uigun was only interested in sleeping with him from the very beginning (even if thats not the case anymore). Ofc you have to factor in Dajun's situation and how that makes him feel inferior or his stress about school but deep down he feels like he gave his time and attention to someone who only played his way into sleeping with him and that the right thing is to focus on graduating and helping his family. The reason Dajun and everyone else is so upset at Uigun is cuz he betrayed Dajun's genuine feelings just to fuck him

Cuz he stopped caring for Uigun when he realized that but still fucked around with him because he liked the sex. When he finds out that he lied to him about not knowing German plus his grades dropping, he decided to cut him off for the sake of his future and mental peace

Thank you for explaining! I just reread every fifth chapter and maybe I just don't understand Dajun as a person. In the beginning, Uigun really just wanted to sleep with Dajun (or rather this guy who's just his type) and he said a few mean things during sex but outside of that, he didn't treat Dajun badly. He let him sleep over and even made breakfast. There's also a scene where Dajun is at home and is being pretty cold to his little brother (idk if he's his brother but I mean the kid living with him and his mom). And another time, Uigun has a recital that Dajun shows up to way too late (after it's already over) with flowers. During this time, Dajun seems to like Uigun and Uigun also falls for Dajun more and more. Uigun doesn't realize his love yet and Dajun doesn't admit it either (at least not in the chapters I read).

Around chapter 45, both learn about Dajun's twin and Uigun's first thought seems to be that Dajun is playing some fucked up game but learns pretty quickly that they had no contact. But Dajun's reaction to the situation is super unfair. He seems to think that Uigun slept with both him and his brother and then accuses Uigun of treating people like crap (which he didn't) and only being interested in Dajun for sex (which might have been true in the beginning but not in recent chapters). Also he's mad that Uigun assumed he's gay but they've literally been sleeping together a lot ...if that's not gay, then what is?
Then in chapter 50, they're having sex again, Dajun seems concerned about the nosebleed and after they're done, Dajun just up and leaves, acting like this is how Uigun has been treating him the whole time. From here on, it looks like Uigun's apologizing arc starts, where Dajun is unfairly acting like Uigun was some asshole and Uigun the fool keeps apologizing because he actually believes Dajun. In 55, Uigun tells Dajun he likes him and Dajun laughs at him, later in the apartment Uigun gets turned on and whips out his dick in front of Dajun to masturbate (wtf honestly). In 60, Uigun brings home a drunk Dajun after he had a fight with his twin. It looks like they're bonding a little here and iirc, Uigun gets along great with the little brother in the following chapters. Then, in 65, Dajun slept over again and Uigun made breakfast again. Uigun starts getting frisky again and Dajun let's him but then Uigun's brother comes to visit (I didn't reread that, it was unpleasant enough the first time). Anyways, I assume that Dajun found out about the German soon after because in 70, he's already telling his little brother that Uigun won't be coming anymore and when they're talking at the university, he's being really unfair again, calling himself a tragic slut and accusing Uigun of playing with him.

I get that Uigun is not the most perfect man to walk the earth but imo he hasn't anything bad enough to warrant a reaction that drastic from Dajun. And from my pov, Dajun is the worse partner of the two. He may not have straight up lied but he's been mean and unfair a lot. He's also never cared for Uigun's feelings and just categorized him as a spoiled rich kid from the very start. At least Uigun had character development, Dajun stayed the same bitter character he's been from the start. It feels like he's even blaming Uigun for the professor being mean or blaming him for not having time to study. But Uigun literally paid to see Dajun, so even without Uigun, Dajun would've had to work anyways. So I feel like Dajun is being very unfair to Uigun. And I'm very worried about Uigun because he seemed to be depressed from the very start of the story and losing Dajun even after doing everything he can would break him, I fear. I feel like he might attempt to kill himself after sleeping with Dajun that one last time.

I'm sorry, I really wrote a novel there (￣∇￣")

He was mean during sex tho!! Dajun was a virgin and Uigun was manhandling him, hurting him and calling him a whore while Dajun was literally losing his virginity to him. I understand that this is fiction but pls imagine losing your virginity to someone who only talks about how much of a fucking whore you are. Uigun was extra mean when he would get jealous cuz in his mind, dajun would sleep with anyone and everyone but him so it would hurt his pride, not necessarily cuz he liked dajun like that. I think uigun is a hard swallow for dajun and a lot of the readers cuz hes a huge hypocrite. He would boast about how much he would fuck and how everyone wanted him but the moment he thought Dajun was the same he would get possessive, mean, and hurtful. Even if Dajun was all the things Uigun thought him to be, that did not give Uigun the right to treat him like shit. Ik that Uigun is crashing out and in his redemption arc and everyone forgets how much of a piece of shit he was 3 chapters ago but I think everyone forgets to consider that Dajun is a person too. He has a strong personality, hes stubborn and prideful and a person with a lot of pressure on him. He tore his walls for Uigun cuz he thought Uigun actually liked him for who he was but when he realized that Uigun was literally paying him a lot of money just to get on his pants like a literal prostitute he couldn't come back from that. I think Uigun is lowkey fucking stupid but genuinely likes Dajun but they have a loooong way to go

I agree, Dajun is doing his best to push Uigun away, not because Uigun was being an ass (he was don't get me wrong, but he knew this and still hung out with him) but because of misguided sence of self preservation. Dajun is at least as traumatized as Uigun and isn't giving anyone the space to actually try and help him because, and I quote, "I don deserve it".

Dajun started acting out like this after he got a C, which according to him will lead to him losing a scholarship and not getting in the school he wanted to. Let's face it, this is pretty damn devastating. But what's actually happening now is Dajun lashing out after projecting his circumstance on Uigun and realizing Uigun would not have had trouble in this situation as he's "spoiled, rich and without any problems". He essentially realised the world sucks and everything is unfair and is trying to get himself back to the "baseline" before this happens. which is - to a certain extent - understandable. But yes he's an asshole.

What we're seeing on the other side, Uigun's side, is someone who literally never had anyone in his camp. He's been dealing with everything by himself and trying to excel for the least amount of attention from parents and people in his life. Uigun has no one he feels he can rely on and - despite a lot of friends - no deeper connections. When he finally realizes he does in fact like Dajun more than just sex friends he pulls all the stops and throws all his hopes and dreams at Dajun (reeeaaaallyyy bad idea from a psychological pov). And with Dajun's rejection he's seeing any glimmer of hope he had gone. Uigun is now in complete self destruction mode. He stopped trying for his family, his degree no longer matters and the one person who he wanted to like him, is doing EVERYTHING to make him go away because he (dajun) assumes Uigun will be fine. The proposition to have dajun sleep with Uigun kind of confirms it for me. Not as a "he just wants his body" kinda way, but more of a "I'm going to do this one last thing before I kill myself" kinda way.

My 2cents on how this will go further? It's going to get a lot worse before it get's better. Like I said, I think Uigun is going to at least think of commiting suicide and that will be Dajun's sign to come back to him and then they try to work trough each others issues eventually maybe.

So do I mind/hate either of these characters? Nope, hopelessness is a terrifying thing and cannot be underestimated. Also, I like the way it hurts (●'◡'●)ﾉ

lol, joined you.

Thank you, your perspective really helped me understand everything better!
I don't think I'll ever like Dajun but I have hope now that Uigun won't have to suffer his coldness too much longer. Urghhh I wish I could transmigrate into this story and shower Uigun with all the love he never got :((((

Just saw this and personally I feel this is way too dramatic for something that can be talked through, it’s not as horrible as other BL where the top treats the bottom worse than a human being. Guy looks pathetic chasing after a guy who isn’t willing to talk though.

I completely agree with this.
Uigun is definitely going to self destruct. Dajun can't see past his biases.

I don't blame Dajun for prioritising his education and future since his family is depending on him. It's just sad that because these things are his hardship he assumes people without such worries have no "real" problems.

His family isn't well off, but he was blessed with a loving one. He's not in any position to properly understand what being detested by your loved ones who heap their love and attention onto a sibling will do to a person.
Uigun's devastation is easy to excuse as a spoiled rich kid getting told an oh-so-rare "no," not a guy barely tethered to reality losing his last bit of faith that someone will love him. Every attempt to express his love to Dajun was a bullseye to Dajun's insecurity. Just like his parents, no one he tries to get to love him loves him back. Leading to the conclusion the problem is him. So it's likely that confirmation might make him check out.

The author did well fleshing out these character's insecurities and the sad fact they conflict and cause the each other unintentional pain. That's what I love about it. They aren't just being petty or needy for the sake of it.

The tl added a note in chapter 5

Good to know, I only read the new chapter bc I read the other ones when they came out and I obv didn't remember, oopsie

FR!!
well this time there's a reason why even the art started looking ugly, it's bc the cleaning was done using AI as well, so it messed up the gorgeous art on top of having a dogshit translation ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ