HobisWife's Topics (453)

nah, sis cuz that's really ugly unless she's trynna cosplay a banana

Lol banana

A banana

but you have to admit, it ugly （￣へ￣）I can't even look at it

No shoes the same color or that even match's her it like (╯°Д °)╯╧╧

to be correct, she wouldn't die. Ellin didn't die and she refused the king. all candidates are to become a concubine and given a place to stay in the palace. If you watch historical korean dramas, once you are a concubine you are not allowed to meet your family without the consent of the Emperor and it is forbidden to hurt a concubine because it is considered an offense to the King.

I expected her to at least stand up for herself, ask the king who is smitten with her to punish her father the way she was beaten and make it times ten. And there is a win on sight, she could have refused the king and been sent to a lonely island like Ellin. There is not an A and B option of marry or die, there's option C, D, E, and the list goes on. You're making it as if she was forced at gun point.

You don't know a thing about abuse, do you?

Exactly.

I don’t know if you remember but during the time when Ellin and Dana were talking about who should be selected for queen but Dana told Ellin that if both of them refused and were not seen as worthy suitors for the king then they would be KILLED and then the process would repeat over again until they found a worthy queen. Dana did what she had to do and she really had no choice! In those times women were seen as secondary and she was so shocked with the fact that she saw moon again that she wasn’t even able to talk to the king, let alone share her abuse story with him. Dana did all that she could but in the end I’m glad that she is able to see moon again and I hope that she and him will have a bright future ahead of them.

Um, okay, I am a graduate of psychology with a with a medical degree and a medical license.

I don't even have to flex my credential to explain to you how abuse doesn't play into the facts of Dana is not an invalid. An abuse victim acts normally most of the time, that's why a lot of people don't find out they are abused, even war veteran soldiers with PTSD go about their day normally with either bouts or episodes of their trauma but not for an entire period of 9+ months of catatonia and a sudden clarity of mind after one trigger. Those are not congruent with the symptoms of a severely abused patient.

For reference you can try reading Sadock and Kaplan's book of psychiatry and DSM 5.

Read my reply to your friend and tell me 'exactly' what criteria of abuse are you using to classify Dana's actions.

'dana did all that she could' .... In those 9+ months, tell me what did she do?

Right.

I do wish happiness to Moon though, because he deserves it. But I'm side eyeing Dana because for me she needs to bring something more to the relationship other than being a sob story.

Great. I am surprised you are a psychology student who is so busy gaslighting an abuse victim. Studying abuse and experiencing abuse are very different. That's like thinking studying racism can give you a leverage compared to someone who experience racism. The structure of the society in this story is so vile that woman are called to spend time to be accessed if their worthiness will measure up. Upon failure, they are cast aside and locked in an isolated land. Where is you empathy my dear? You are demanding, upon demanding from people who are living in one of the worst forms of patriarchy available. They are not even allowed to look up at the king. She was abused over and over. SHE GETS TO BE WEAK. She is allowed to cry. She gets away with following the path chosen for her by a terrorist of a father than risk death.
This is my guess and I hope I am wrong. I think your issue with her and many other people in the comments is that she is not receptive of the men she is romantically involved with. I have seen you call her romance with Moon cheating. How is it cheating if you had no choice in the union to begin with. If you were forced by your abusive father to marry someone you do'nt love. She eventually falls in love and you expect saintly behaviour. Again demonising the victim.
You cannot put the romantic feelings of men above of an abused woman in a patriachal society and deman heroism from her. No way.

So if you don't love your husband it's okay to kiss another man?

You need to check in with your moral compass if kissing a man you love but is not your husband considered okay.

Cheating is not demonising an abuse victim because it has nothing to do with your abuse.

It's like saying if Dana experienced racism it's okay to cheat -it has nothing to do with each other.

You are hiding behind Dana's abuse to excuse her poor marital behavior. Kissing another man does not have anything to do with her abuse.

Dana is a horrible wife and people are celebrating her as 'inspiring', 'strong' and/or 'amazing' sets the bar very low for what is truly inspiring, amazing and strong. That's the main issue not her abuse.

P.S. I am not a psychology STUDENT. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology which means I graduated already.

Her main issue is she is living with a tyrant of a father. Choice. Let em ask you something. If today, someone forced you to marry them. You are forced to be in a relationship with someone you didn't choose, was never given the choice and would have your life in danger if you chose otherwise. If you decided to run away, would that be called abandoning your marriage?
On abuse, you should know this since you are a graduate in psychology, is it okay to victim blame? You are blaming Dana for the actions of her father. Not hers. Her father married her off. her father abused her. Her father is responsible for the fear she has grown.
You must know this statistic. Women who are abused by their husbands and boyfriends go back 8-9 times. Why? Are they stupid. They are literally living with someone who could and in many times beat them to death. But even after being in the brink of death, they still go back to these relationships.
You are the psychology graduate. So tell me. Why don't we blame these women? Why don't we say why did you go back? Because we knwo abuse goes beyond being beaten. Abusers are incredibly smart. They manage to manipulate their victims to stay with them. They manage to make sure their victims remain in love with them. They manage to ensure their victims are isolated and can only rely on them. They also make sure the victims see themselves as worthless. You must know all this.
Now Dana's is not a boyfriend. Not someone who she met in her teenage. Its her father. The person who raised her. She has been abused since she was a child. Imagine being broken long before you can develop mental strength.
Incapability and coercion can nullify a contract. Google this. I am not lying. Dana's case is even worse. It is not coercion, it is a threat. To her person. She did not choose the man. I don't support cheating. I abhor it. I have been cheated on. I know how it feels like.
This is not boyfriend/husband situation. This is forced marriage with someone she has no feelings for or else she will be beaten black and blue.
You say she needs to ask to have her father punished. She loves her father. Despite the abuse she loves him. It could be the manipulation or just child loving their parent. Please, don't demonize victims like this.
You are doing the one thing I cant believe. Demonizing victims then tasking them with freeing themselves and others around them in a system they have little to no power. Even Solwah couldn't do much in her situation despite all her mental strength. She was still exiled and hardly received food. This is not a country where those two women can do much. They both made the best of what they could and the best for Dana is her survival.

My apologies for this. On this note, stop victim blaming. Stop putting the responsibility of freeing themselves on victims. Look beyond Moon. If you were forced into a union, by threat, you are not expected to follow the rules. Women in the society have the same burdens you are placing on Dana and we are trying to get out of it. Its even worse when I realize you are blaming her for trying to get out of a marriage she was forced into by a father who beat her black and blue.

First of all, Dana was not beaten when she was younger. That's an inference you made without solid proof in the story.

And no, Dana was not beaten scared because she was able to sneak around to meet Moon and even had sex with him... Do you think a beaten woman who is soooo scared could try and do those things?

Also, when Dana and Moon had sex, her skin is smooth with no marks left from 'CONSTANT ABUSE' that you are referring to. You can't tell me she's constantly abused and magically have clear smooth skin with not even one scar?

Also, I am not victim blaming. You are enabling a cheater.

What does Dana's abuse have to do with her decision to agree to Ellin and consented to the idea that she will get married and become empress? Was her father beating her that time too?

You are making it as if all of Dana's decisions in life stemmed from being an abuse victim. You are crippling an abuse victim to the point where you handle them with kid gloves for mistakes they make that has nothing to do with their abuse.

You are romanticising the situation.

And those are not factual.

Also, if Dana loves her father so much why was it okay for her that the King killed his father then?

She might not have known at first, but for an 'abusive father' as what you are tauting, within those 9+ months do you think Dana won't find out her 'abusive father' isn't checking up on her or making sure she's doing her part? Abuse victims constantly have that anxiety in them, and Dana gave no fucks at all where his 'abusive father' is in those 9+ months..... Either she don't give a fuck about him dying, or she was relieved he's dead.

You kept on hollering about Dana not being able to consent to the marriage when she is not 1) feeble minded during the marriage ceremony 2) held against her will during the months of selection 3) told anyone she didn't want the marriage

You infered all of that non-consent because when Dana met Moon, she suddenly told him "I wanna run away with you" .... You can't use that as her excuse that she never consented to the marriage. Her past actions showed consent, albeit she didn't marry for love, but consent is consent. And you can't twist that by saying she never loved the king and she was abused so she said yes, abuse does not go so far as your claims unless Dana is not of sound mind, and she is of sound mind during the ceremony. She walks, talks, does her everyday tasks with no issue up until the marriage ceremony. Consent given.


Btw, if I haven't said it enough. Dana IS a cheater.

PERIOD

Dana is not a cheater. You still haven’t answered the question what would you do in this situation????? You are abused by your father and even if it isn’t physical abuse it can also be emotional abuse which is just as bad. Don’t put levels on how abuse can affect someone. Dana loved Moon and snuck out to see him because he was the one person who made her feel free in a life filled with constant sadness. Dana didn’t have a choice in marrying the king, it was either death or marriage which would you pick??

Give it up my dear. I have. She sees Dana as evil. Dismisses the effects of abuse on her because of cases of talking. To her, consent is given if you are able to talk and walk. Apparently the father suddenly started abusing her in her teenage and not as a child. She claims I infer but goes ahead to do the same. Their whole talking point involve having Dana as a cheater. In a forced marriage. But because she can talk, she can give consent. I can't keep arguing with this.

He, she or them. My apologies for assuming your gender.

I am not crippling Dana. But you are blaming a victim. Then you are blaming her for her father choices aka forced marriage. We are not going anywhere with this. But I beg you, stop the age shaming.Clearly you seem older and definitely not wiser. If you were, you would stop needing strong female leads even in cases where they don't need to be.
And stop making assumptions on my life. That is where your points falls short.

You give it up sweetie. Dana is not in the wrong in this situation. Again answer the question what would you do in this situation?! You are FORCED to marry someone you don’t love and are ABUSED and it seems like you are belittling the abuse that Dana received. You don’t know how much it affected her or what she went through the text is very gray in that area. However the simple fact of the matter is that Dana didn’t have a choice and she thought moon was dead but now that she knows he’s alive she’s deciding to choose her happiness for once and fight for what she wants and I’m happy for her

'Feeble minded' is that all there is to fear. You don't think someone can be scared without breaking down and displaying mental illness symptoms? What past actions show her consent to the marriage? Are we reading the same story? All we heard is that she is getting married. We saw a guard pull her away when she was talking to moon. You can see control written all over the actions of the father. So how are you saying she had consent? Being of sound mind under threat does not mean consent.
Riddle me this, if someone broke into someone's house, held gun to them and told them to we write their will. Are you saying that if the person giving away all their wealth has given consent if they are not trembling with fear? Has the action been done out of free will or through the control of someone else. Do forced marriages have consent? Do they?

Oh no, I was supporting you! Dana has no control. And most certainly not in that insane patriarchy of a place. I have been accused of crippling Dana with abuse.

Oh no, I was supporting you! Sorry it came off as anything else. I am just so surprised on how much victim blaming can happen all because of precious male leads. Dana suffered abuse. It does not disappear just because she is not getting the living shit beaten out of her at the moment.

This, all of this. Just like you said, you can't put levels on how abuse affects someone. Also wanting a strong female lead shouldn't blind anyone to the point of ignoring abuse all for the strong female lead.

What I would do is definitely NOT cheat on my husband, forced marriage or not.

I would have definitely showed some RESTRAINT and not throw myself and asked for a kiss from a man who is NOT my husband.

Because despite being abused, CHEATING doesn't have anything to do with it.

Is that so hard to have some decency?

Kissing a man who is NOT your husband, is not FIGHTING for your happiness. That's recklessness.

I will never give up on voicing my opinion regarding wrong representations of feminine strength.

And feminine strength does not include kissing a man who is NOT my husband.

That's moral decay on your part.

@Kou thanks for blocking me so I can't reply while you are pretending that you are open to a conversation.

Let me answer your BLOCKED thread;

'...they hurt the feelings of my precious male lead'

Eww.

Cheating is cheating, not JUST hurting feelings like accidentally stepping on someone's feet. Your belittling of Dana's immoral acts normalizes cheating behaviors.

You're basically perpetuating cheating as okay. THAT is the problem, not Dana's abuse.

She consented to marriage, you keep on saying it's forced when she agreed to join the contest.

Dana wasn't 'surviving abuse' while she's comfortably being cared for in the palace. You just say that so you can excuse Dana's cheating.

That's disgusting.

And no, the King is not the male lead in the story. Don't get it twisted because you can't defend Dana cheating on his husband.

Also, calling me 'beloved' doesn't make you sound mature. Makes you look like a try hard to sound like an adult.

Stick to the facts and stop using 'woe is Dana the abused survivor, so brave' cliché.

Dana is an abused woman, yes, but she's also a cheater.

Abuse is not an excuse to cheat.

@Kou since you blocked me I can't really reply to your questions, so I wonder why you're still asking knowing you blocked me?

And to answer your question in this thread;

Riddle you this, consent is not given because your analogy is that the person is HELD AT GUN POINT. Now, using your own analogy, was Dana HELD AT GUN POINT? Was she feeble minded during the events leading up to the ceremony?

Your 'forced marriage' is also not applicable, because Dana was not feeble minded, nor was she HELD AT GUN POINT like what you alluded to. She was in a situation where IMMINENT danger was not present so as to force her to a marriage contract, same with YOUR analogy that presented imminent danger what with a gun is pointed at them while writing a will.

I blocked you because I am beyond tired of this conversation. Pointless. I have however seen your argument. You believe in the strength of women. You admire it. That's okay. Even I cant stand weak women. Can't tell you how many shoujo's I have stopped reading because of the damsel in distress trope. Including one where the main character was supposedly a daughter of a king in a misogynistic world whereby women had next to zero rights. The fl spent most of her time appealing to the men in her life. I dropped. Damsel in distress is a tired trope. Women are not weak victims and are active in many cases in their problems.
My question though is why don't you think the fact that it is a forced marriage plays a part? You say she consented but did she really have a choice? I have seen your other comments about her running away and liberating herself. But even slavery lasted 400 years. Colonialism in Africa and a lot of the world lasted a long time. I know they are not true equivalents. I am however appealing to your sense in that there is systemic abuse and misogyny in this world. Dana is an abuse victim who loves her abuser. A common case with abuse victims. Which is why I was giving the example of women who go back their abusers 9-10 times and even end up dead sometimes. Would you call that weak?
Haven't studies established that manipulation is true.
One of the manga's you have given an example shows the rise out of the ashes situation Despite abuse, despite obstacles, she rose and stood tall. Is that the rule or the exception? For instance in real life, we are dealing with murder of women, abuse of women, among other atrocities because of the patriarchal nature of our world. We are struggling to overcome. Feminism and all activism. Yet sometimes we don't fault women who decide to follow the path laid for them. Strength is admirable. But lacking it when you have endured so much shouldn't be cause of blame. I believe in Dana we get to see a more real version of an abuse victim in a patriarchal world.
As for the beloved, my apologies. I wrote that late at night too tired or arguing.
However, I would like for you to stop dangling age over my head. I am turning 30 this month. You can browse through my recent comment on that 'Save Me' topic. I stated my age there.
I don't believe in black and white. I think people can be weak. I thin despite years and years of oppression, women can be weak. Because sometimes it can be too much.
But I disagree that admiration should only be reserved for the strong women who break out of their bonds and overcome it all. I don't accept putting all that responsibility on a woman. And especially not one still nursing the scars of abuse that a single hand lift has her trembling.
Just like you pointed out that my defense line is that Dana is an abuse victim, your entire criticism is that she cheated. In a forced marriage. It is right there in the Manga. They said her father married her off.

It is not about feeble mindedness. More of lack of choice. How was imminent danger not present if she is being abused. I am soo confused. Why do you downplay the power of abuse?

@Kou she is abused, we have established that, but your downplaying of her cheating as 'acceptable' because she didn't want to be married anyway is morally wrong.

Just because you don't love someone, doesn't mean it absolves you of doing something wrong. If you're a man and a woman suddenly goes up to your doorstep and says you have a 5 year child she kept and now you need to take responsibility, you can't just abandon the child because you didn't consent to getting her pregnant since you wore a condom.

It's the same with Dana, she is a married woman. Whether she half-heartedly agreed to it or not, the fact still remains, she is not suppose to cheat.

And downplaying cheating is endorsing a morally corrupt action to be acceptable, when in reality it is not.

And don't even compare Dana to modern women who are abused because Dana was miles away from the abusive hands of this father in that entire contest, modern women who go through abuse are living in one household with their abuser, the proximity is not comparable.

To boot, Dana was never abused by her husband too. The King was anything but abusive, she gave Dana space, never even slept with her or forced her too, he was never angry to her, he never even tried to sleep with a concubine; he was a decent husband. And to betray your decent husband's trust by kissing another man and throwing words of weight like divorce?

She doesn't think of the political repercussions of her actions, a divorce will further the uprising of the rebels, and she gives no fucks at all if a war breaks out because God forbid she's endured enough safe space in the palace with great resources at her disposal.

Modern women who are abused do not have opportunities like Dana, they don't have power that Dana has at her disposal. That is why most of them have a hard time getting out, not only because they are mentally scarred, but also because the opportunity and power is stripped from their grasp. Dana has both.

'But even slavery lasted 400 years' ... to be blunt, the systemic oppression that Black people experienced is NOT comparable to the sufferings of Dana. What a heavy comparison to someone's woes which are not completely extrinsic in factor.

Dana chose to pursue Moon when she was engaged for the first time, she chose to sleep with him and consciously kept her engagement a secret to Moon up until the actual day of her engagement, she also chose to accept the empress selection and not wait for at least a day to confirm if Moon was dead, she also agreed to Ellin's deal, she also chose to kiss Moon when she is already a married woman.

These are Dana's choices, external factors be counted or not. Racism on the other hand, Black people didn't choose to become slaves, they were forcibly taken from their mother land. Systemic oppression is based from the color of their skin. Dana on the other hand wasn't oppressed or suppressed, she freakin sneaks away to have sex with a man! Is that an oppressed woman? Her gender doesn't have anything to do with her decision to cheat, whether she be a man or a woman, I'd still criticize her celebration as a strong man/woman whilst blatant disrespect to marriage is shown in his/her character.

She's a cheater. Nothing to do with her being a woman, systemic oppression, or abuse. Cheating is morally corrupt, no matter which way you look at it.

It's not about just hurting someone, it's the blatant disrespect for another person and the selfishness that shows.

Also, no one is celebrating her for being an abuse survivor. They're celebrating Dana because it's so romantic that she got back together with Moon after crying her heart out for months... that is a misconstrued idea of female empowerment. No one cares that she is cheating, it's romantic!

And that is disgusting.

So no, Dana is not awesome or inspiring for surviving her abuse, she's being celebrated for the wrong reasons and her abuse is just a cushion that readers fall back on to justify her corrupt behavior.

And I'm calling that bullshit out. Abuse doesn't justify cheating.

But your not understanding the underlying point Dana was forced into this marriage and she didn’t have a choice. To her that man is not her husband he is a person that she was forced to be with

b a b y

Honey

sweetie

cutie

Baby

Babe

the comments here are immaculate

my rape victim

person i raped while they where sleeping

Stop

im dead

My discharging mechanism