Get To Know You

ok so this is a scenario where you're an adult (18+!). you go to a dance club where there's many cool dancers. some doing the sexy dances, many crowding the dancefloor, and some just hanging out at the back and relaxing. a guy accidentally bumps into you and he has a massive bulge in his crotch, and is wearing a revealing outfit. his balls are as huge as the sun. anyway this guy says 'oh im so sorry' and you're like 'i recognise this guy!' basically he's like an idol (again) but you caught him in DA CLUB! he realises that you recognise him and his big shlong from tv and he's like:

"please don't tell anybody, i'm just here to have a good time in private. i haven't gotten laid in 10 years thanks to the strict rules of my career. i havent even been allowed to drink fizzy drinks and when i go to idol afterparties we all just stand around in silence to avoid any scandals coming out."

He looks desperate for you to keep his secret, what would you do?

Okay, so imagine you're in some college, and just enjoying your regular day to day (or drowning under essays idk) and then this extremely handsome beautiful ikemen guy who people are obsessed with, but he has a bit of a dodgy reputation. Basically, he's a smart guy but also is known for his 100000 flings, and getting in fistfights all the time (which can be seen as kinda real during this living crisis), despite being popular, he also has no friends because he will often vent and overshare things with no filter, sadly because nobody has really told him much. They just go 'wow u seggsy' and well... Leave him once they're done enjoying this chaotic guy.

He walks up to you and says "damn your skibbidi rizz gyatt is perfect will you help me with my college project. the nearby cafeteria would be nice to meet up in" and he winks and you 69 times just to seal the deal.

What'd you do?