I’m going insane

So my ex best friend of 18 years went through my phone and used some of my ‘vulnerable’ pictures and sent it out to everyone in my family and also told my parents about my secret boyfriend at the time when she knew that my family would literally maim me if I brought disgrace to them. So after my parents took away all my phones and shit and all my friends left me cause she also told everyone that I’m a slut for male validation. Then I was forced to leave my bf.

But we also did have some really good memories and she’s always on my mind which is making me go insane because I can’t do anything about it and she’s always in my dreams. I’m also not allowed socials or friends irl so I’m literally nobody atp and it’s been like this for two years and I’m 19 this year