Im insecure

Im insecure of the way that i looked and its becoming a big thing in my life, i keep comparing myself to my friends and everyone around me, I always feel like the odd one out on my friendgroup i always feel alone and have no one to rely on because everyone on there have their own personal friend, I cant open up to them about how i feel becauss they'd either judge or get mad at me, and lately i've also been jelous towards my friend because i told her about who i liked then it turns out that the girl that i ended up liking was actually interested to her, at first she told me that the girl added her and from that i already know that shes either wanna be friend wth my hg or she liked her it was the second one and now she my friend keep talking to me about her and the girl texting tgt and about the fact that the girl invited her to go out sometimes at that my insecurity just got worsen ik its not their fault since we cant really force how people feel towards someone but i just cant stop feeling jelous and insecure towards myself now im having the urges to just end it all because what else do i have other than just existing, i dont feel love not from my friends specially not from my family it always feels like im just there, every family gathering no one really care about me even if it was my special day even my own mother make fun of the way that i looked the way that i drssed i also cant forget that word that my science teacher told me back in 6th grade where he was mocking the way that i was laughing and talking.