Wasting*
I'm sorry that I offended you in that aspect, I wasn't trying to say that somehow all abuse victims are small females or something. That was my bad. You are 100% correct in that a 45 year old 6'4 man can be mentally abused by a tiny 5'1 wife and an abuse victim can be literally anyone. My only point in saying that was that unfortunately, often times, people will take advantage of small females that they frame as delicate because they know that often times, they cannot fight back.
Chanwoo is, again, not in that position. You just try to paint him to be some helpless abuse victim, but he's not. He makes poor decisions, but when confronted about it and even told by someone healthier that he'd be treated like a proper human being, he waves it off because what's still more important to him is someone who fits his physical type. His readiness to accept someone who he thought was his perfect physical type and somehow had his ideal personality shows that he isn't the typical abuse victim with a torn psyche, who 1. Needs time to be able to process each relationship (not bounce, unfazed, from person to person without hesitating to drop them like chanwoo), and 2. Usually, because they're so used to being abused, actually WON'T accept this kind of seemingly perfect situation so easily with open arms and without reservation because the trauma holds them back from believing they are worthy of it. Chanwoo doesn't go through any internal conflict and readily accepts the good as it comes.
It's a simple metaphor to explain a more complicated situation because clearly you aren't getting it in more complicated terms.
Drinking tea (or coffee) is actually an effective and commonly used metaphor to explain consent and rape to people who don't full understand how important it is. It isn't making light of any situation, it's used as an explanation tool.
If you offer someone coffee or tea and they say no, you don't force them to drink it. If they say yes and they are clearly happy to have it and are comfortable with it, then you pour them some and can enjoy it together.
If they are not fully comfortable, you don't pour them tea, but you can leave the pot on the table and they can make the choice for themselves if they want it or not, but you shouldn't give it to them and force them to drink it.
Tgey are still of course, consciously able to choose whether or not they will say yes or no to it, and if the tea pourer has made it entirely clear that it is THEIR choice to say yes or no, than that is still their choice, not the person who served it.
This comment sent me lmfaooo
Oh and also- to you who keeps saying that everyone knows nothing about bdsm- what do YOU know?
I participate in BDSM, am in communities for it, know others who do, and I can tell you right now, even when I was just starting out at an age younger than Chanwoo in this with even less sexual experience than he has, a dom does NOT have every single ounce of power and responsibility you seem to place on them. A dom's responsibility is to have control, sure, but a sub's responsibility is to be able to control themselves and listen to themselves enough to understand their own limits and then VOICE them to their dom. That responsibility relies on the sub, NOT the dom.
Which means BOTH MD and Chanwoo ignored their responsibilities, even though MD made it clear that Chanwoo needed to use his safeword, but if the sub doesn't, a dom can't be expected to always read their mind and decide for them, because that isn't their responsibility. That means, it is on BOTH of them. Not just MD.
You are comparing apples and oranges showing lack of understanding of people who have been abused and continue to go to abusive relationship. Your coffee and tea explanation is for LITERALLY people who are asleep.
You keep giving coffee to someone who you know MAY DIE from coffee but LACKED THE KNOWLEDGE that they MAY DIE FROM IT.
THAT'S the correct comparison. Your metaphor LACKED any UNDERSTANDING of past experiences.
Coffee and tea analogy is for rape for people who are sleeping and do not take into account of anything else which is BLACK AND WHITE.
The difference is NOW THE PERSON IS AWAKE BUT LACKED THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THE COFFEE MAY KILL THEM and the only one who knows IS MD.
You're using a blanket all statement that do not take into account experiences is RIDICULOUSLY IMMATURE of you. Similar to what amorim themselves did.
USE YOUR BRAIN. You're not taking into account difference in experience. Chanwoo SIMPLY TRUSTING MD, the way he simply trusts his abusive boyfriends. Once again, to you and THE OTHER IDIOTS. YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE NOT UNIVERSAL.
You refusing to eat food on the ground compared to a starving man having no choice but to eat the food ladled with sh*t and bugs IS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
USE YOUR BRAIN.
Your continued use of childish comparison, childish use of comparing ONE person's experience to ALL shows how lacking of maturity, how unworldly you are.
The world is full of different people with different experiences and when you use that experience against them. YOU ARE FULL OF SH*T and that's what MD is. So you can continue to cry about it. But I'm really done with your childish comparisons.
No. I know that you are wrong here in that somehow Chanwoo lacked knowledge because Chanwoo literally says something like, "he could have killed me."
And once again in his own stubbornness, DECIDED NOT TO SAY ANYTHING DESPITE KNOWING THAT.
MD decided for him because it took a toll on him, and Chanwoo still tried to play it out as if he was unfazed, but you can't turn around and say Chanwoo didn't know what he was doing, because it was because Chanwoo knew what he was doing that he was doing it. He wanted to spite MD even if it was at the cost of his safety, but that wasn't MD's decision.
You are comparing apples and oranges showing lack of understanding of people who have been abused and continue to go to abusive relationship.
You're making repeat the same things over and over simply because you don't want to take Chanwoo's past into account and that DISGUSTS me. So I'm truly and well done with you
No. That's not just my experience, it is the literal standardized rule of the safe practice of bdsm. The exact same rule you are pulling the "DOMS NEED TO HAVE CONTROL" thing from. Each side is given a responsibility, it takes two to tango, and each side needs to be able to uphold their responsibility in order for it to be safe.
And you seem to think that every abuse victim's psyche is somehow in the same state and that every abuse victim seems to have the same mentality and response to everything; you're calling them fragile and implying that they don't actually know what they're doing or how to choose for themselves. THAT is patronizing and downright hypocritical for someone who just said you can't use blanket terms or think that one applies to all.
Literally tho. On my thread people were all like "MD knows that chungwoo has a problem using his safe word and that he can't tell the difference between being abused and bdsm" Then my question is literally why are they even doing this. It can't be safe if the safeword is meaningless. They should have just never even approached each other.
Lmao sorry if it seemed immature, but it genuinely is a common way to explain consent
Yes I also participated in high school health class. "Don't force someone to drink tea" was shown literally every year
Tbh. If they think that Chanwoo is so pitiful and incapable of making these kinds of decisions for himself, then they're basically saying he shouldn't be allowed to participate in bdsm bc his past will get in the way and he'll always be a victim. There is nothing MD could do about him not using his safeword when he even commanded him to use it (you know, bc clearly chanwoo is so brainwashed that he'll listen to anything md says according to these people) and then Chanwoo still refused to out of spite.
Lel then I'm glad you know, bc clearly some people on here haven't even gotten that far enough along in highschool to know how a metaphor works.
MD’s mistakes can really hurt someone else though. If not physically, definitely mentally.
No one here is a "victim" and due formal concern for REAL LIFE circumstances, you REALLY need to understand that. People are flawed. People make mistakes. But people's poor choices that put themselves into bad places do NOT make them victims.
Yeah, MD knew that Chanwoo was susceptible to manipulation, but Chanwoo was also well aware that MD was 1. Hurt by rejection, and 2. Sadistic. It was NOT okay that Chanwoo decided to bring a guy who he wanted to have a romantic relationship with to the guy who he just rejected that relationship from. You tall about how MD made Chanwoo "uncomfortable" but ?? How uncomfortable and hurtful do you think that was for MD? And if Chanwoo didn't have any feelings for MD, then from MD's perspective, it shouldn't be that big of a deal that MD would choose someone else to be his partner. Him easily dropping subs was one of the first things we learn about his personality. And any human would most likely not react well to that kind of situation- not saying it's okay to go as far as he did, but? What was he supposed to do? Smile and accept it with open arms? He may be older, but that doesn't mean he'll act super mature and make all the right choices. Chanwoo is a grown ass male too.
Chanwoo has a bad history of choosing manipulative and abusive lovers because he's too weak to their attractive faces and falls for them without paying attention to red flags. Awful, but it's a mistake he has yet to learn from. The problem is that Chanwoo, as we've seen time and time again, is incredibly stubborn and prideful, even if it means he'll get hurt, but that's HIS character flaw. HE chooses out of his own volition to be that way. MD should not have been manipulative, but he didn't threaten to harm him or try to guilt him or anything, just said he'd choose a different sub, which he, as the dom, had every right to do. So no, it's not like an average abusive relationship and you can't compare it to that. Chanwoo is not a victim if he is aware of the entire situation, was given an out, and is consciously choosing to continue EVEN after being slapped (which, contrary to y'alls beliefs, IS a common thing in BDSM) when he could have said he didn't want it or given a safe word. That's called a poor choice, that's called pride, and that's called (to us, as the audience) making a mistake. But to him, clearly spite and being a sub was more important than the humiliation.
There is some sympathy for both sides, but both sides have flaws and things to work on, and neither side is completely correct or should be victimized.