• Insecurity and how if you decide that a relationship won't work from the start, even if you get your chance, it will still fail.
• The importance of honest, open communication and how it can make even a tenuous relationship strong.
• Insecurity, again, and how that can change not only how we view relationships, but also our ability to sustain them.
Each character had their own theme, yet they were blended together so smoothly and consistently. This is a great example of top notch storytelling. As much as I wasn't too keen on Iogi at the start, my heart ached for him by the end. And the idiot was still falling into the same destructive mindset with his new co-star! Some people never learn. All in all this was an exquisite manga.
This is why a hetero chick should never try to squeeze herself between two gay men! Those bitches are SAVAGE! LMAO
The translator's notes. It was refreshing to see a mature, level-headed response to a topic like rape in yaoi. There are dozens of reasons this trope is so popular among readers and mangaka of this genre and whether you like the trope or not, it is always wise to at least understand why the trope is used even if you can't accept it. Understanding something is not the same as accepting it. You simply grasp the concept of how or why. Accepting means you find yourself agreeable to the concept. I abhor pedophilia, but because I have studied sexual psychology, I understand it. I may understand it, but I would never condone it. I also understand why rapists, rape and again, in real life, I would never condone that behaviour. Especially since I, myself, am a rape survivor. But we're not talking about real life here, we are discussing a manga. A fictional setting with fictional characters, engaging in fictional deeds and relationships. No ukes were harmed in the making of this manga. There is so much more to this manga that can be discussed, like the theme of trust - losing it, building it and regaining it - and how that effects the feelings shared in a relationship. That, however, seems out of reach, as if it were too complex a subject to be comprehended. Where rape can easily be discussed by regurgitating what we see and hear through media and social media. I often wonder if readers are forming their own opinions or if they are simply parroting the "cause of the week" on Fuckface... I mean Facebook. Whoops. Let's just say I don't have the best opinion of that particular site. Try reading with an open mind. Leave all your past baggage at the first credit page. Then try to find the "moral" or theme of the story, like in a fable. What is the mangaka trying to teach or say to their readers? What is the lesson a reader should take away from the story? You might be surprised to realize just how varied these themes can be, even among strikingly similar manga. Everyone says that yaoi stories are all the same, but I disagree. When you look beyond the superficial tropes, the deeper themes are astonishingly different and varied. Try it sometime. You might find a whole new reason to love this genre.
Wow thanks for the thoughtful response. I agree with you. I'm kinda curious because like you, I abhor pedophilia but seeing as how you studied it, why do people do it on a psychological level? If it's too complicated for a reply, don't worry about it.
It's really no problem for me to explain, if you don't mind reading it. There are several different types of pedophiles and with each type there is a different reason for their predilection. There is the "fetish" pedophile who is simply aroused by the sight or idea of a prepubescent body. This usually is triggered by an experience early in life, before or around puberty, where the pedophile became aroused at the sight or idea of a peer and it stuck. This is now what gets them aroused. They can't help the arousal (but they can prevent acting on it). There is the "hero/teacher" pedophile who is sexually excited by being relied upon, needed or admired by prepubescent children. Again, a past experience will have triggered this event. Usually it will be something that occurs in their late teens or twenties wherein they had a younger sibling or friend who deeply admired them or looked up to them. The euphoria this sense of superiority created was not just emotionally stimulating, but sexually stimulating as well. Then there is the "power/dominance" pedophile. They are aroused by asserting authority over a prepubescent child and bending them to their will. This type, unlike the others, stems not from a positive or innocent experience in their youth, but feelings of frustration and inadequacy among their peers. Most pedophiles of this type have experienced some form of physical or sexual abuse as a child themselves. They lack the social skills to communicate their desires, both emotionally and sexually, to a partner that is a peer. They prefer children because they are easy to manipulate and control, where another adult will make up their own mind. There is one final type of pedophile that is exceptionally rare and that is the "retarded" pedophile. I am not using the term retarded in It's common derogatory sense here. To retard means to withhold or hold back. This type of pedophile sees themselves as the same age as the child. Their social, emotional and intellectual growth has been *held back* for whatever reason - mental disability, physical disability or injury, having been isolated from others, etc. Regardless of their own age, they can not see themselves as an adult. Therefore, the sexual exploration that naturally happens among peers becomes pedophilia once the person afflicted becomes an adult chronologically. Sadly, they are frozen in time as a child, but their body matures. This is probably the only type I could feel sympathy for. They truly don't know any better.
Understand that none of this absolves the pedophile from the crime of molestation or sexual abuse. These are simply typical types and circumstances where pedophilia develops. I hope this has shed some light and understanding for you. Pedophilia remains a crime in most countries and to most, including myself, it is aberrant and abhorrent behaviour to act on these feelings of arousal for a child. However, pedophiles are not some evil boogey man. They are created by experiences and how those experiences react in the person's physical brains and psyche.
Wow this is fascinating. I think because the subject matter is sensitive, people don't really discuss it but it's important to know. You explained it so clearly. I just had one question about the "retarded" pedophile. Are they retarded in the sexual sense only or are they retarded in all aspects of life? For instance, if you met them in real life, would they be noticeably retarded or you'd only know from their sexual preference and sexual behaviors?
Well, it depends on the particular case. It may be a person who is mentally disabled. For instance, a person born with Downs Syndrome who has been alienated from others by their parents and severely sheltered out of shame from the disability. It could also refer to a person who was born with or obtained a physical deformity early in life who was, again, severely sheltered and alienated by their parents. They could also be completely healthy physically and mentally, but due to the circumstances of their environment, like living in seclusion, living in remote areas, etc., they have never interacted with their own peers. Do you see the pattern? We take clues from those surrounding us about how to behave appropriately for our age range. If we are denied social interaction with those who are our peers, we lose any idea of how to behave. Some of the most interesting, IMO, cases of this phenomenon are feral children. Children who have basically been forced to live and survive on their own from a very young age. They are nearly impossible to imagine, let alone find, in industrialized, first world nations, but they can still be seen in remote areas of third world nations. If a feral child somehow manages to survive into adulthood, due to their isolation from their peers, they have no comprehension of their own age. They may be fit, healthy and relatively clever, but they lack any necessary social skills or awareness of propriety. Those are all things taught by example over time as we grow in a social group. Having no contact with others, they form their own rules of living. Often those rules seem animal-like to those of us who were blessed to grow up in a social environment. Things like being selfish, greedy, gluttonous, lazy, jealous, and even lustful are key to individual survival, but those qualities are detrimental to social groups. So, those who are without the benefit of a social group or society often display these qualities. They will simply take what their body needs to survive when their body needs it. This is not done with malice or cruelty, but out of an instinct to survive. Sex and procreation are also part of our survival instinct. Civilization and living in social groups as a matter of course over so many millennia has molded us to see sex and procreation as unnecessary for personal survival, but it is still a part of our instinct to survive as a species. But that is an entirely different lecture. LOL
After rereading my reply for the umpteenth time (lol), I realized I went off on a tangent regarding social isolation, but there are other causes for the "retarded" pedophile to see themselves as children. A mental disability or emotional disability that triggers them to revert to childhood or never grow mentally or emotionally past a certain age can also be a cause aside from social isolation. Traumatic brain injury is another cause. I have a close friend who was involved in a head on collision with a drunk driver at the age of 18. They suffered a severe TBI and were in a coma for weeks. This person, although they are now in their 40's, still acts like they are 18. Their impulse control is low, their fear/hesitation response is low, even the things they enjoy doing for fun are the same as when they were 18. The TBI and resulting coma stopped their emotional and mental growth at 18. Though, admittedly, since he is not socially isolated, his choices for a partner are not limited to 18 year olds. They are currently dating a person in their 30's.
We, as humans, are quite varied. We are individuals with our own individual experiences. For this reason, there are an exponentially large number of causes and reasons for a person to become a pedophile. Trying to list each individually would be quite the undertaking. Those that I have listed are, by no means, a complete list. Rather, they are simply the most common.
Lol I didn't mind the tangent at all. Growing up feral is actually another interesting situation to consider, especially since manga and other forms of storytelling use it occasionally. Based on what you said about retarded pedophiles, it seems like a lot of it is affected by their parents or lack of parents. Is it because parents tend to teach social cues and direct children to behave appropriately? And I'm curious if non retarded pedophiles are just as influenced by their parents as well. Although I imagine everything is related to how we are raised by our parents to some degree.
Sorry for bugging you with all these questions, if it's getting too lengthy, you don't have to answer. I do enjoy your perspective and I think you communicate very clearly! It's very easy to understand your points.
First, let me say clearly, you are not "bugging me" in the least. I have enjoyed this conversation with you because you have a sharp and open mind and even though the topic is repulsive to some, you have not shied away from asking interesting and pertinent questions. Thank you. Thank you, also, for the lovely compliment. Communication is one of the few things I am good at. LOL
Your questions and theories are precisely correct. All children are molded by the adults who raise them, in more ways than just what they are taught directly. If your parents are kind and affectionate with each other, this is how you will envision all adult relationships to be. Conversely, if your parents fight and argue constantly or are abusive with each other, as a child, you will see this as the "normal" course of adult relationships. Only after coming into contact with other adults, parents of friends, relatives, teachers, etc, will you recognize that your family dynamic is different. We learn far more by example as children than most parents realize until it is too late. If you have ever heard a parent say, "You act just like your mother/father!", in a frustrated tone to their child, this is what I mean. A hero/teacher pedophile may have been influenced to crave admiration if their parents were either overly attentive and encouraging or if their parents never encouraged them at all. If the child was overly praised they may crave that attention if it is suddenly withdrawn or lessens over time. If the child receives no praise or encouragement, of course they will seek it where they can find it once they have had a taste of it. In the case of a power/ domination pedophile, it is common for them to have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused as children. Usually this abuse is perpetrated by a parent, guardian or other close adult the child trusts and obeys. Even in the case of the fetish pedophile, if the parents, or other responsible adults around the person, do not explain explicitly that prepubescent children should not be seen or touched in a sexual way, even by another prepubescent child, the fetish pedophile will not see their arousal as something unacceptable. Since all children naturally become curious about their bodies, and the bodies of others, some parents dismiss "playing doctor" or peeping as just normal childhood curiosity. The parents fail to explain the the child the impropriety of looking at, or being aroused by, a prepubescent body by adults. Since our first fetishes are formed in puberty and tend to stick with us into adulthood, it is important for parents to draw a clear line between what is socially acceptable and what is not at that time, during puberty. This is why I think it is such a shame that the subject of sex is taboo. Parents should be open and honest when talking to their children about sex. The children need a steady, reliable voice to guide them through such a turbulent subject. There are so many things that can be miscommunicated or go wrong if all they can rely on are peers and pornography. Which is also why I think yaoi readers under 18 should have a trusted older mentor to read with them and discuss the topics and themes. But, again, I'm off on another tangent. LOL
Yes, I really agree with all that you've said. Some of readers on this site, though, may not be mature enough to understand this. Fiction is fiction. Reading topics/themes do not mean you condone it. Some elements are added to the story by the author for the story's sake. That's why some manga can really hit you in the feels, some make you laugh until your stomach hurt - because the mangaka has added elements to move the reader.
If one does not like it - why are you reading it? Why finish a story you don't like? Personally, when I come across a story I dislike, I drop it.
Wow, it almost makes me feel sorry for the power/domination pedophiles. Of course by the time they are adults, they should have enough self control and knowledge to know right from wrong. But I remember an episode of Law & Order SVU where a victim of pedophilia later became a pedophile himself by the end of the episode. It was so shocking to me that I still remember it to this day despite it being a long time ago. I guess the writers on the show did their research lol.
I agree with you that parents should be able to communicate and teach their children about sex. My parents didn't and I know I would've felt icky about it if they did. Lucky for me though my parents did provide me a loving environment and taught me right from wrong in general. I think I got most of my sex education through the internet. Well, there were also those horrible mandatory health classes in school...
Thank you so much for educating me on this. I really find it fascinating and even though pedophilia is really a horrible thing, if everyone had this knowledge, I feel like we could prevent it from happening more often. I don't know if you've read any of Harada's works but she's someone who portrays disfunctional relationships truthfully without sugar-coating or romanticizing the story. Making the reader uncomfortable but at the same time still wanting to read the story is a talent... She's written a few stories on pedophiles. I hated the student teacher ones but there was one about a pedophile who had been a victim himself. My chat with you reminded me of that story.
I think your parents did a wonderful job of raising you whether they discussed the topic of sex or not. You're intelligent, articulate, understanding and sympathetic to the plight of others. I'm sure your parents are very proud of you. I know I would be if you were my child.
I am quite familiar with Harada-sensei's works. I love them. The gut wrenching realism and her themes of redemption really get me. I'm a big softie for those who have tried to change and redeem themselves to make things right. I believe in second chances, I guess. As I said before, I am a rape survivor and although it took me almost 30 years to do it, I was able to forgive the person who raped me face to face. He wasn't an evil person or a monster, just a young kid who screwed up big time and changed both our lives forever. He served his sentence and made great efforts through counseling for many years. He had earned my forgiveness and I deserved to move on. So, I asked his therapist to let us meet. I don't think I have ever seen anyone cry as much as he did that day. First, in shame and apology and then after I forgave him, in relief and gratitude. I cried quite a bit too. See, I'm such a softie. LOL
Damn, I really wish there were more commenters like you, especially over the extremely delicate topic of rape in BL, and the complex topic of looking beyond a simple gay love story
Brilliant comment
Wow that's an incredible story of healing! It almost sounds straight out of a movie the way it came full circle. Thank you for sharing that with me and I'm glad you were able to get some proper closure. I wish you the best and look forward to your future commentaries on yaoi mangas (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
All I can say is thank you for saying out your opinion. Really helps putting some common sense to other people.
While reading all the comment all i see was the fact that he was rape and nothing more.the did not even take into account that the characters work out the problem at the end.i really admired people who think outside the box and not just focus on one thing.
Thank you as well.
I'm the same. I dislike shoujo for a myriad of reasons. Therefore, I don't read it. I'll slog through a crappy story in yaoi because I genuinely enjoy the genre. However, if I make a comment, I try to be objective and discuss the writing or plot holes. I have, on occasion, even vented about characters I hated, but I never let a despised character taint my opinion of a story. In fact, if I am moved to absolutely hate a character, that means the writer did an excellent job of fleshing that character out and making them despicable. That is good writing! The worst thing a story can make me feel is apathy. If I won't remember reading it 10 minutes after finishing it, that is bad writing.
Thank you. Having studied psychology and sexual psychology for almost 30 years, I understand why "rape" is such a common trope in manga. Well, in most cases it isn't rape at all, rather it is ravishment that is depicted, but the average teen reader can make the distinction between the two. And trying to explain just gets me labeled as a rape apologist. LOL I've read A LOT of yaoi - 3000 and counting - and if you're going to read this genre, you need to either understand why the tropes used are there or you have to overlook them because rape/ravishment are as common as cat shit in a litter box. Especially in manga witten and published before 2010. It is becoming less popular, but it will always be there in older manga. That said, I think yaoi is a genre worthy of reading. There are plenty of talented mangaka who write gripping tales with fascinating themes and compelling morals to the story. It would be a waste of such talent to overlook a story just because it has a scene of rape or ravishment in it. Thanks again and I hope we have more chances to chat over the manga we have read.
Me too. I like to see fresh ideas and new approaches to old problems. If my comment made one person stop and rethink their opinion, then I have done my job. LOL Most of us live our lives focused only on ourselves and the world we create around us. This makes it hard to think outside the box. Stepping into someone else's shoes by considering their opinion is one way to do just that. Thanks for your comment and I hope we can chat again.
Your welcome (≧∀≦)
If I were Terumasa, I'd have about half a dozen new additions for my lower class brothel... those asshole servants! I understand that it is for the sake of the story's conflict and resolution, but they knew that Kyouku (sp) was a former member of the aristocrocy and they had the nerve to treat him in such a manner anyway?! Bullshit! Common folk feared retaliation from the aristocracy for even the most minor and mundane infractions of the social hierarchy. It wasn't just bad manners to look an aristocrat in the eyes if you were a commoner, you could actually be punished for it and it was the aristocrat's right to do so. So, the story would have been more believable if Terumasa had another guest, who was Terumasa's social equal, staying with him who wanted to punish Kyouku for his willfulness and bad manners. There is no way the common help would ever retaliate against their master's guests. Kyouku may have lost his wealth, but he didn't lose the aristocratic blood in his veins. Even as a prostitute, with his lineage, he was still miles above a common servant on the social ladder of the era. And they'd have known that. Another "bullshit" aspect of that whole scenario was that Terumasa had the help waiting on Kyouku. Thus, Kyouku had the status of "guest" in the house. As a guest, it isn't up to the help to complain about or discipline an unruly person, that is the master's responsibility and right. That applies to all guests whether they are a prince, a prostitute or a shit collector. If the master designates a person as his guest, that designation is absolute. As the prorietor of a brothel, Terumasa would not be looked on with kind eyes from his not-so-lecherous betters as it was, but if word got out that his servants were left to assault guests, he'd have a hard time finding even those lecherous wealthy customers his high end brothel needs to keep the lights on. In reality, the servants would have been lucky to escape imprisonment, working in a brothel as a prostitute or worse, working in a brothel as a servant. At least the prostitutes earn money for the brothel and are treated as merchandise, there is a modicum of respect there. A servant in a brothel is treated worse than a slave. They make about as much money too. Which is less than nothing when compared to what a servant in an aristocratic household would make. Just being fired would be a blessing.
The scanlator, Anonymous Introvert Scanlations, didn't list their contact info on the credits or in their notes and their name doesn't pop up in a search. Does anyone know who this person is or how to contact them? I am seriously interested in lending them a hand in any way that I can. I can clean, typeset and proofread, but my Japanese is too remedial for me to be confident in my translation. I proofread for a living and have worked with a few other individuals and small scalation groups on other manga in the past. If I can help them put out these chapters even just a day faster, I would be honoured and happy to do so.
If you find them then let me join in! I can clean up the pages. Especially that dick on page 8... I really want to fix that.
┗( T﹏T )┛
If I have any luck, I'll be sure to let you know! I can't draw a straight line and it seems they can't draw dicks. So, you'll be in demand. LOL
Wahoo!!(๑•ㅂ•)و✧
I hope they will emphasize the dick of Qalqata coz I don't clearly see it lol, I love Qalqata already
I can't wait for the translations!
How do I get in touch with the scanlator? Does anyone know? I can't translate well, but I can clean, typeset and English proofread. I'd really like to help them.
normally you would find their contact info written on the manga pages
Sadly, it isn't there, I checked.
It's written on the first page itself isn't it? Anonymous Introvert Scanlations.
That's great, but without an email address or web page the name is useless. I Googled the name and nothing comes up. I get Introverts Anonymous and several hits for scanlation groups and info, but no Anonymous Introvert Scanlations. Obviously, since the person said it themselves, they are new to this and doing it all on their own, they likely do not have a web page or blog post where they recruit.
Before anyone else decides to play Princess Obvious, I have checked the credit page and notes. There is no watermark, no blog post, no web site and no email address listed. There is also no other publicly available information regarding Anonymous Introvert Scanlations to be found in a search. If there is someone who knows the person or knows how to reach the person who translated this last chapter, please contact me. All other replies are unnecessary. I am not an idiot, the first thing I checked was the credit page and notes. If it was there, do you really think I would have bothered to ask?
Chill. If you try doing further research, you'll find out that they're not an active Scanlations group. I'm not trying to argue.
Look, you're the one who keeps responding with these comments like I am some kind of idiot. I tried to be nice.... Oh, boy did I try. But do you stop? Do you try being nice yourself? No. You reply with another snide comment and a shitty little "not trying to argue" snipe. But that is precisely what you are doing. Is this how you get attention from your parents? You know what? I get it, everyone around you must make you feel so small. They seem better at everything and it's frustrating. Sadly though, acting superior and being a cunt won't be winning friends and influencing people. Unless it is to influence people to think you are a sad, lonely little child desperate for attention and to be told that you did good. So, here ya go. You did a good job! I sincerely think you are a sad, lonely little child desperate for attention. Good work! Are you happy? Now, if you have no further information regarding the person who scanned and translated the last chapter, piss the fuck off.
I started reading this fantastic story with incredible potential and right in the middle... It's over. Then, I was pleased to see another chapter... where they delay becoming intimate for a year. As it was, the relationship between the two protagonists was tenuous and even expositional dialogue, character's actions or character's thoughts didn't really give many hints as to how the two felt about each other. To abruptly throw them into a lover's embrace seemed ill timed and rushed. This story had the potential to fill volumes with interesting conflicts and heartwarming resolutions and it ends in one and a half chapters. Sad. But it is an unfortunate fact that this happens sometimes. A story will not continue if there is not enough demand for it. Ah well, better luck next time.
If Pedo-sensei was so "in love" with Mike, why did he target Hamura... ever? It wasn't to make Mike jealous, because he did it when Mike wasn't around and it even showed Pedo-sensei reminiscing about Mike when he first encountered Hamura. Personally, I think the "redemption" chapter for Pedo-sensei was a lame attempt to humanize a sexual predator. You'll never hear me bitch about "rape" or even shota-con, but this really bothered me. Usually with shota-con the kid is described as someone in their teens or a very young looking adult - like Hamura is described here. In this story's scenario with Mike though, Mike was obviously not in his teens when Pedo-sensei got his claws into him. We are never given a time frame for this incident, but since Mike, at 15 or 16, looks nothing like Hamura (who is the same age as Mike), it must be assumed that Mike was barely in double digits for his age at the time he was taken advantage of. So, yeah, that's not just "young looking", that is actually prepubescent. And trying to justify that kind of relationship between an older teen and a prepubescent child with "I loved him." is just off the charts wrong to me.
Second problem I had with this: When Hamura is asking Mike, "Is it in yet?" when they had sex for the first time. I am very well versed in anal and unless shit falls out of your ass when you stand up, there is no way in hell you're asking, "Is it in?" your first time. Trust me, you know! I use an expander to prep before anal and I still feel every millimeter that goes inside. Not to mention I have been an avid anal enthusiast for decades and I still have never had to ask, "Is it in yet?" Unless, of course, Mike's dick has the girth of a sewing needle! LMAO
The rest was a well written, sweet love story with believable character growth for both protagonists. I really enjoyed it.
To heal my cynical soul. I could read this a thousand times and it still gives me warm fuzzy feelings every time. Genuine, endearing and admirable protagonists, sweet, supportive secondary characters and the only antagonists seem to be life's hurdles. One of the best written stories I've read, ever. Even the chick is so super cool, I'd want to have her as a friend myself. Truly a gem. Even the side story in the first chapter is a favorite. Though the characters are entirely unrelated to the main story, the charm in the writing is not lost.
The "you date girls = you're hetero" or the "turning gay for you" trope. Why would this bother me? Because there are many young readers who read yaoi and take it as gospel. They think this fantasy world is how things really are. To set the record straight, no pun intended, no one "turns" gay. You either are or you're not. You are born that way and you will die that way. You are either born with the capability to be sexually attracted to the same sex or you are not, no different than being born with blue eyes or brown hair. You can wear contacts or dye your hair, but at the end of the day your eyes are blue or your hair is brown. However, having blue eyes or brown hair won't get you ostracized in society the way homosexuality will. Nor is having blue eyes or brown hair something you are told from early childhood is wrong, bad or disgusting. Your eyes or hair may be different, but you will not necessarily be shunned for it. Not so with homosexuality. For this reason, many young homosexual people ignore or suppress their feelings and desires, which makes them appear hetero in order to fit in.
Let me explain; There are four phases that every person goes through when they are different from the norm and concerned that that difference could ostracize them from the group/society. Whether the difference is being gay or being an otaku, the phases are the same. First, is recognition. Recognizing that you are not the same as others in the group. You recognize that there is something different about yourself when you compare yourself to others. For most homosexual people this occurs fairly early in life, around age 6 or so. They can't put their finger on it at that age, but they often know there is something different. Second, is realization. This is when you realize precisely what it is that is different about yourself. This usually happens around puberty for homosexual people. This is when our attraction to others and desire for sex is triggered. This is when they realize what that difference they felt as a child really was. At this point, they may ignore or fight against their attraction or they may just accept it. Third, is awakening. The moment of truth when your difference is set out right before your eyes.You can no longer deny that there is a difference and it will change how you live from this moment forward. For most homosexual people, this is the first time they date and/or have sex. If it is with a partner of the opposite sex, a homosexual person may feel good with their partner and even orgasm during sex, but it all feels dismally empty and unfulfilling to them. Even in happiness, something feels as though it is missing. If they have no other relationship or sexual experience and no one to confide in for help, they often just assume this is how things are supposed to feel. They may even continue dating the opposite sex thinking it is a matter of finding the right person or they may cut themselves off completely out of fear that something is wrong with them. Their true awakening then comes when they find themselves attracted to someone of the same sex and engage in homosexual sex for the first time. Now, they are fully aware of who they are as a person. The final phase is acceptance/denial. Will you accept your difference and live with it or will you choose to hide this difference in order to be accepted by the group? This is when the homosexual person decides whether to or not to accept themselves and their sexual orientation. They don't necessarily have to come out as homosexual to others, but this is when they decide if they can accept themselves or if they will live a life "in the closet". Technically speaking, neither choice is necessarily wrong, but one is unhealthy. That applies to any difference anyone my have. Hiding your difference to fit in isn't the wrong thing to do, but it is unhealthy. You will live your life deceiving yourself and those around you. The stress from that knowledge alone can drive a person to poor emotional, mental and physical health. This is the pattern followed by nearly every subject that has been studied as being homosexual, male and female. They know, deep down and from an early age that they are not quite the same as their peers. It is only after realizing their homosexuality and awakening to how their homosexuality will impact their life from now on that they can either choose to accept themselves or hide it. So, suddenly "turning gay" is a fantasy. They were always capable of being attracted to the same sex, they were simply not clearly aware until now.
The idea that homosexuality is an intrinsic part of a person is not commonly known or accepted in Japan. Homosexuality is seen a fetish or a choice that one can make. Sadly, Japan is about 30 years behind the US and other liberal countries in their understanding of homosexuality as well as in its acceptance. There is nothing that can be done to change manga written 10, 15 or 20 years ago, but hopefully future and current BL/yaoi mangaka will be better educated on the facts surrounding the subjects of their stories. I feel it is also important that young readers know the truth as it is in real life about homosexuality, rather than accept the fantasy, lies and conjecture that fills pages of BL/yaoi manga. Believing in BL/yaoi gay men is no different than believing in vampires and werewolves. Neither exist in reality the way they are depicted in fiction.
To be honest when I first clicked the expand button and saw how long your comment was I just rolled my eyes and thought TL;DR but I’m glad I actually stopped to read it. I like the way you put the facts out there without being dramatic or inserting your opinion every 2 lines the way most people do with topics like this. I agree that it’s very important that readers know the difference between fiction and reality. One thing I will say though is that reading BL really helped my brain understand that love is love whatever your gender. Love, lust, hope, betrayal, despair. Bl just got me to a point in real life where I no longer see the gender. I just see people loving and wanting to be loved
Thank you for both the response and the compliment. The way you view love now, having read BL, is how love should be viewed. Without boundaries, limitations or qualifications. Love isn't heterosexual or homosexual, it is simply love. The same applies to class, race and religion as much as gender. Love transcends those labels... or it should be allowed to, anyway. That however, IS my opinion. LOL
My apologies for two replies. I was distracted and only relaized later that I had not finished my thought.
I was raised by my brother, who is gay, and his friends and lovers. So, I was exposed to same sex relationships from an early age. This triggered within me a deep curiosity regarding love and sex. Therefore, it was natural that I study psychology while in college. I enjoy understanding why we do what we do, as humans, and like what we like when it comes to lovers and sex. For me, the truth is far more fascinating than anything fiction can dream up on this topic. I try to impart that knowledge to others when I think it is important and necessary. With yaoi and BL being so full of misinformation, conjecture and outright lies, I feel the "balance" with truth must be made somewhere. I chose to do that with my comment. If even one person understands more clearly that homosexuality is not something you can pick or choose like the socks you wear, then my job is done and I am happy.
But isn't in now days believed that more people are bisexual and the hetero part is mostly a society oppressed gender stereotype? I mean due to patriarchy and male sex fantasies a fem-fem relationship was no big deal even for hetero women while mal-mal was a taboo. But now I think most people (since societies are becoming more open minded) can explore their bisexuality. I am not say that there are no heterosexuals. But I am saying that the percentages are now visible different. As for the Yaoi gender let's not forget that the main target group is girls (like me). So in reality I think oppressed or lonely or non-pretty (by society's standard) found something to project themselves. A gay man thinks he will disgust a handsome male. So am I. Also since they are 2 men a) they can both ask and demand sex b) they are equal. I think that's why we like Yaoi. Or at least why I do. Thank you for your post and sorry for my leangthy response
For the longest time I thought I might be bi, but later on I realized I was not. I only fantasized about other women after a long stretch without sexual contact with a man. I have gone to a lesbian bar/nightclub plenty of times but every time I got hit on I always found something I did not like about the girl and walked away. Then when I would have sex with a male partner I would lose all interest in females. Even if it was just a one night stand. I also realized that I was not attracted to the sent of a female either. Which I would think would be a big part of the physical attraction at least. Hence my conclusion on this is that I am not bi or a lesbian.
The other thing I would like to say after all that is, I agree that ones sexual preference is ingrained into them even before birth. After all the experiences I have been through and my perception, I fully understand this now. I would like to use a reference on this, Koisuru Boukun, is my favorite manga and the first one I read. This is a classic case of a man "Sempai" who denies what he truly is in the most extreme way and even the gay man "Morinaga" who is in love with him believes he is straight at first. Then through certain circumstances I will not go in to just in case you have not read it, they end up having a sexual relationship. The reason I say all this is because I have seen people post that the reason Sempai is allowing Morinaga to have sex with him is because of Stockholm syndrome. And I have argued that they are wrong (mostly because people do not fully understand what Stockholm syndrome is) and that because of one scene they cannot get past, they cannot seem to fully comprehend what the story is about. After all that just to say, just as you cannot turn a gay man straight, you also cannot turn a straight man gay.
I do not think it is because more people are bi-sexual, I think it is that more people are open about being bi-curious (bi-sexual and bi-curious is not the same thing). Please do not get me wrong, I do not think you are stupid, I just wanted to emphasize. I also agree about why females like YAOI, but I also read BL, and a bunch of twisted things as well.
I understand the difference between bisexual and bicurious but I am not really sure that this difference actually exists. If you are a man and you have a hard-on on another man you are just curious? I think you are bisexual. I think bi-curious is a hetero invention to make them feel more hetero (and not bi). I am not in a position to say for sure if you are born with it or it is a combination of dna and preadolescent experiences (after gender finalization) but I think that if m/m sex was not scorned by society many males would be proud to declare themselves Bi and not hetero. If you are a male that can be sexualy attracted by both males and females you are bi. If you are not the least attracted to males but you do it because you are pent-up you are not curious, you are an asshole. But ok a man is not easy to function I think with someone that does not sexualy attractes him. Ok this is a long talk. Bottom line for me is that if you sleep with a man and a woman you are Bisexual and good for you. If you hide behind curiosity, alcohol, the stars alignment etc you are an arse that does not want to admit it and like to play the tough hetero
Well said, on all points. I am, without a doubt, a bisexual woman. I have known this since I was about 8 years old. However, when it comes to men, I love them all. Tall, short, fat, thin, handsome or ugly, I can find something to arouse me about them. Women are a different story. A woman must fit a particular mold in order for me to be sexually attracted. Does that make me somehow less bisexual? No. That would be like saying a hetero man is less hetero because he only gets hard for buxom blondes. LOL I don't feel a lack of interest to women in general, nor am I turned off by the idea of having sex with women, but to really rev my engine she has to fit that mold. And for those who play the "I'm 33.33% female and 66.66% male bisexual game" I call bullshit. So, a 100% lesbian who has had 3 female sex partners in her life is gang raped by ten men... is she now 66% bisexual? Hell no! Who you have sexual contact with is not the important part, it is the sex of the people you most desire having sex with that matters. It is that "pull" to the other person. In your case, the pull was never strong enough to cause a complete follow through. You wanted something and you were open minded enough to seek the something in the same sex, but when push came to shove, that "pull" to follow through wasn't there. I'd jokingly say you were "try-sexual". You were willing to try whatever it took. LOL Goof for you. You're open minded and you don't dismiss things off hand based on some random idea of socially correct.
I remember my first female lover. I met her at work and the moment I saw her it was like all the air left the room. My heart dropped to my feet, bounced back to my chest and started pounding like a drumroll. I felt like if I couldn't touch her, kiss her, or just hear her voice, I would stop breathing. She was bi as well and we ended up living together as lovers for two years until she passed away. After she died, I intentionally stayed away from women. I was, and am, still very attracted to them, but I am also married now. I have been married for 25 years and I have 3 sons. I still flirt with and am still quite attracted to women, but out of respect for my husband and marriage, I "keep it in my pants". LOL Does being in a hetero marriage make me somehow less bisexual? Hell no. I would love to have sex with a woman, but I don't because it would hurt my husband. I am still sexually attracted to women, therefore, I am still bisexual.
So, you're absolutely correct. You can't make a straight man gay and you can't make a gay man straight. And just because a bisexual has chosen to be in a long term relationship with one sex - whether the same or the opposite - it doesn't make them strictly hetero or homosexual. It isn't who you're currently having sex with that matters. It is who you WANT to have sex with that counts. A closeted gay man may have hetero sex five times a day, seven days a week, but he is still gay because who he REALLY wants to be having sex with is another man. Ya see? A straight man in prison may have homosexual sex three or four times a week for five years, but he is still hetero because who he REALLY wants to have sex with is a woman. Our sexuality is the psychological desire, or drive, to have sex with a person of the same or opposite sex. Or, in the case of bisexuals, both. It's not based on who we have sex with to be acceptable in society, who we have the courage to approach, who we are forced to have sex with or even who we ultimately end up choosing to have sex with. It is who we are driven to desire, whether we follow through or not. It isn't even about whether or not the sex feels good. I was involved in adult entertainment (read live sex shows) for many years. I have had sex with people I could barely stand to be around and, admittedly, the sex often felt good. But there was never that desire, that drive to have sex. In my case, it was acting, but based on the experiences of friends who were closeted gay men in hetero relationships, it is all pretty much acting. They, and I, did what was expected of us, but we never felt that heart stopping desire to have sex with our partners.
TL;DR: Sexuality isn't based on who you are having sex with, it is based on who you desire to have sex with.
I absolutely ADORE your last statement! LMAO
No. The excess in homosexuality and bisexuality is simply a result of the pendulum of repression vs acceptance swinging in the other direction. Scientific studies have shown that in all thriving mammalian species, from 7% to 23% of the total population will be homosexual. The prevailing theory as to why this is is that it is nature's way of preventing overpopulation of a particular species. It is also interesting to note that the higher percentages are found in species with "higher" intellect, like dolphins, primates and whales. That said, if you assume the trait of homosexuality is hereditary or even genetic, then having homosexuals engage in procreation for hundreds of generations, the percentage of offspring with the trait would be greater than if the homosexuals did not engage in procreation. But one must understand that sexuality is a psychological trait as much as a physiological one. And our psychology is influenced deeply by our environment. A person raised in an environment where any sexuality except hetero is unacceptable will not consider homosexuality or bisexuality as an option. You also must remember that only about 15% to 20% of the global population live in cultures where homosexuality is considered acceptable. So, basically, the numbers just don't add up and if they did add up, it would mean a lot of very big problems for the species. A species can't survive having more than 25% fail to procreate without suffering a severe and rapid decline or requiring some type of intervention to bolster the population. Currently, the human population is suffering no such decline and we are, in fact, expanding rapidly despite low birth rates in some countries.
As for the psychological aspect of acceptance freeing minds and sexuality, it tends to be short lived. Heterosexuality is the basis for all mammalian species. This is how we procreate and how our species survives. This is the physiological aspect of sexuality. Our species DNA compels the majority of the species to desire the opposite sex for procreation. Now we add in the psychological aspect of acceptance of homosexuality. This leads young people to feel more comfortable with experimentation. And that is a good thing. However, the physiological aspect eventually kicks in and that desire that we just can't fight, that "instinct", if you will, that draws us to the sex partners we desire pulls us to procreate. So, what you have are a large number of young people who are bisexual, bi-curious, call it what you will, at age 18 are in hetero relationships having children at age 30. It isn't anything new, it is simply more prolific with the rise of acceptance of homosexuality. We saw it in the 1960's with the concept of free love and by the 80's the numbers had balanced back out. In the 1960's the homosexual population was estimated as high as 30% and by the 80's it had dropped to around 13% to 15%. All the homosexuals didn't suddenly disappear, they just grew up. Now, I'm not saying that every person who thinks they are homosexual is wrong or "needs to grow up". I am simply saying that this is the trend that has been seen in these situations.
As I commented to another here, a person's sexuality isn't based on who they have sex with. It is based on who they REALLY WANT to have sex with. The person or persons who draw out a deep sexual desire in them. If that person is of the same sex, then you're homosexual. If that person is of the opposite sex, you're hetero. And if persons from the same and opposite sex draw out that desire, you're bisexual. Our sexuality is that desire that we can't stop. We can't stop the desire, but we can determine how we act on the desire. A hetero person can be "okay" with having sex with someone of the same sex, they may even enjoy it. But if they don't have that deep, instinctual desire for it, they are little more than a "play gay" at worst and "curious" at best. And I'm not talking about horniness where, pardon the vulgarity, any hole or dick will do. I mean the desire to have THAT person and no one else will do. It is a difficult sensation to describe to anyone who has never experienced it, but the first time you feel it, you'll know. It hits like a freight train and you can't view the world the same way after. The closest I can come to describing it is like a religious epiphany of, "Oh my God, I get it now."
I really like your posts. So I would like to ask you something. In males and females what are the percentage s/g/b? I have read many articles and many times values differentiate. About what you say about species survival. Well some species have been eliminated (not due to human intervention) due to various factors. Also some women started to think that children are not their life's goal (due to society changes, career and equality). Also as you mentioned about yourself Bi people can have children and families (female of course easier, but even males with male partners who are either bi or gay can have a child via surrogacy). I totally agree on what you are saying about severe attraction. Up to now I have not fell in love with a woman, but I think I would not have a problem to sleep with a woman that I find attractive. So even if I have no experience with same sex physical relationship I would prefer to label myself as B. So in general that is why I think that the B ratio is quite a lot (since it really does not hinder procreation). Lions have polygamy correct? Altered family units can adjust to more sexual free societies. Also very sorry for your loss.
Oh about the main theme of the post. I am saying various things but not really on the point. Well to put it simply in my opinion the straight guy that fell in love with a co-worker or a fellow student is a bi that for the first time fell in love with someone from the same sex. So logically up to now he believed he was straight. And in his mind indeed it is not men.... It is a specific man. Only for him. As for the yaoi drama gay vs straight, indeed the gay is afraid that the "straight" can choose family in the future due to society restrictions or due to his own need to father a child (a bi man indeed can respond to a female partner), the pool for even a strict straight man to find a female partner is larger that that of a gay. Now back to my opinion. I understand that for gays the fluidity in sexual attraction is a big thorn due to the conservative asses that were trying for a lot of years to pass homosexuality as a choice. But I think that apart from gays and straights bi people are indeed blessed or cursed with that fluidity. And for young people that take a wrong idea through yaoi? Well if you are 12 you should really not read this. If you are older you must really understand that this is erotica fiction and try to read something useful on the internet about these issues. Now if you are a straight boy that fell in love with his gay co-worker I am rooting for you either you think yourself as bi or either you call yourself straight who loves that co-worker so much that gender is not important. If you love and respect keep the labels you want